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Clips from Community - Advanced Criminal Law (S01E01)

"[playing she'll be coming around the mountain melody]"
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"Stuff your bra, and get ready for the team bus"
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"- the way it goes."
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"One, two, luis guzman! oh!"
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"- i'd like to introduce our student, pierce hawthorne,"
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"Who's written greendale its own school song."
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"Pierce, okay."
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"This song goes out to annie."
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"* standing in the bookstore line *"
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"- is this bruce hornsby? - yep."
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"- i don't think so. let him enjoy it."
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"- can we get sued? - not sure."
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"- * some things are still the same *"
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"And model puerto-rican american."
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"This friday, we will be dedicating a statue of guzman"
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"And unveiling our brand-new school song."
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"So boy, i don't know about you,"
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"But this sure feels like a real college to me."
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"- greendale, greendale,"
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"- ah! jeff, jeff."
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"How is student life, my dry-witted friend?"
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"- probably the same as teacher life,"
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"- very dry. very witty."
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"Not a great friend."
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"In your spanish class."
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"Imagine living with that. can you imagine?"
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"Unbelievable."
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"Anyway, are you two an item, and if so,"
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"Would that item be impervious to sabotage?"
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"Come from the same island?"
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"- cheers. - m.a.s.h."
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"- fawlty towers. game over."
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"- do you think luis guzman"
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"Will ever come to visit his statue?"
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"If so, i'd like to ask him about his movie choices,"
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"- yeah, luis guzman is on a private jet from hollywood,"
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"- really? how does he know about me?"
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"- because he called me on my cell phone."
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"- why would a movie actor call you?"
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"- you never mentioned that."
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"- i didn't know if i could trust you."
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"But now it's time to tell you everything--"
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"- so...i guess the cell phone number"
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"Which i just learned in the awkward conclusion"
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"Of a month-long text message affair with a dude from boulder."
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"- sorry. - that's okay."
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"I'll cleanse my palate while kevin rethinks his marriage."
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"In any other context than friendship."
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"- uh...pass."
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"Star burns-- that means you."
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"Sculpting that in your face."
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"- yes, i would. - well, i'm not gonna tell you."
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"Until i find out who did...this!"
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"- what is that?"
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"- it's a tiny piece of paper, okay?"
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"That's all it is. tiny piece of paper."
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"Containing all the information covered on the test."
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"Who did it, huh?"
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"[comical voice] grandpa?"
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"Kumar?"
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"Whoever did this insulted my honor."
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"And they've got 24 hours to come forward,"
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"Or mr. miyagi here will wax off everyone's score"
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"and the whole class gets a cero!"
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"- did you hear him call me jackee"
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"Like i'm some black female caricature?"
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"If the good lord hadn't been watching,"
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"I'd have slapped him upside the head."
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"- who do you guys think cheated?"
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"I'm not gonna write information from a book"
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"Onto a piece of paper."
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"Whoever made that crib sheet wasn't a real cheater."
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"Just...insecure and naive."
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"- i may be naive, but i'm not stupid."
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"The only real cheater"
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"And i can't handle this kind of stress right now."
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"- it is? - you've got an accomplished"
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"Pianist and songwriter sitting 3 feet away from you."
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"I wrote the jingle"
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"For hawthorne wipe's moist towelettes."
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"I would have done your song for free."
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"Smooth move, metamucil. - troy could do the school song."
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"And he's related to danny glover and president obama."
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"- abed, have you been racist this whole time"
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"While i'm telling everybody at church"
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"What a sweet little caramel angel you are?"
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"- hey, man, that stuff i said this morning wasn't true."
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"You've never had anybody mess with you before?"
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"Ha ha! that's funny."
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"- remember when we used to study spanish?"
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"- pierce! - yo."
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"And he said you can write greendale's school song."
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"- well, that's more like it."
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"- you know the statue dedication is this friday."
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"So you have to have it done by then."
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"- if that's not enough time-- - no, no, no!"
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"Yes, i can do it by friday. - great!"
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"There's a piano in the rehearsal space,"
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"And i'll help you out however i can."
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"You're gonna do an awesome job!"
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"- i know!"
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"- so...this is the last chance"
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"For the cheater to be an adult"
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"- you got ten seconds..."
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"[dramatic music]"
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"I've never... gotten a zero before."
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"- i did it. - britta!"
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"- well, you really took your sweet time with that one, baby."
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"- how dare you terrorize a class by threatening their grades."
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"[overlapping comments] real mature!"
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"Too mature to sit in a class"
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"With a cheating, lying poop-face!"
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"- so..."
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"Wow."
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"Like you were up here and i was here, and now..."
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"- well, we're not gonna buy you an ice cream."
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"Hi. dean pelton. [chuckles]"
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"I just spoke with señor chang,"
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"And i'm afraid greendale takes this kinda thing"
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"Very seriously."
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