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Clips from Community - Advanced Criminal Law (S01E01)

"[loudly] much like a university would!"
Community
"In borchart hall."
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"You could be facing expulsion."
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"- there is an olympic-sized pool there, yes,"
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"[loudly] using its $6,000 judge's table!"
Community
"- uh, is she allowed to have counsel?"
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"I mean, i may not be a practicing lawyer anymore,"
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"But relative to this place, i'm alan dershowitz."
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"Gets its jollies judging me."
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"- hey, if you show up with me, follow my lead,"
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"And deny everything, you'll walk."
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"- i get it."
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"And send me into fits of grateful arousal."
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"- hey, troy. did you hear?"
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"All dogs are blue now."
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"[laughs]"
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"A few things about how this works."
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"Because i am not gullible like you."
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"Secondly, you are not good at this,"
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"Because you are not believable in your face, okay?"
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"Your face? it's bad. - okay."
Community
"- um, also... - [high-pitched warble]"
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"You gotta ride the line between believable and--"
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"- [high-pitched warble, humming]"
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"- what are you writing in?"
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"[warbling]"
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"So take that yale. [chuckles]"
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"Our judges include myself, uh, dean craig pelton."
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"- uh, no, you're a teacher. you're not a professor."
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"- gentlemen, point of order."
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"He's the one accusing my client."
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"- oh, got me."
Community
"- well, it sounds like there are two biases,"
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"One on each side, and i go both ways."
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"Okay. let's begin."
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"- okay, just keep it up frost/nixon."
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"Cleared my whole day."
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"- with great pleasure. it was a tuesday,"
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"- * green-dale *"
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"* green-dale *"
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"Mm, nah."
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"* green *"
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"[varying pitch] * gree--green *"
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"* greendale isn't a slop pail * *"
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"- oh, good."
Community
"- you can tell the dean i'll have a song"
Community
"That'll make the devil poop god's pants."
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"- that's exciting."
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"I, uh--i'll probably open with something like this. uh..."
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"You know, a note like that."
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"And end with a note like that."
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"I keep hearing the same two notes,"
Community
"And your sheet music"
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"Looks like a chinese takeout menu."
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"I mean, it could be..."
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"* moo shoo pork *"
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"You know what? you really shouldn't be here right now."
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"- what?"
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"- you are inside a throbbing, cosmic womb"
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"Of creativity,"
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"And when this baby starts kicking,"
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"I cannot be responsible for your sanity."
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"But let me play you out, okay?"
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"[cheery music]"
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"You know, like on stage? playing you out, okay?"
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"[cheery music]"
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"[playing faster]"
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"[sighs]"
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"Or, "screw education," or something like that,"
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"And then she stormed out of the room"
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"If you know what i mean."
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"- objection. i don't know what he means."
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"Do you have any more questions?"
Community
"- the defense calls britta perry."
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"- now, are those the high-heel boots"
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"He was talking about? - yes."
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"- are they comfortable? - yeah."
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"- she confessed!"
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"- she confessed to protect her classmates,"
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"Because you were threatening to flunk everyone!"
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"The pool area!"
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"- well, it certainly--"
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"Is being a hero and wanting to be taller."
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"- yes, i did."
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"But why?"
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"The world wasn't the only thing that changed"
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"- oh, come on."
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"Time out! time out!"
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"Save the table! save the table!"
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"- [high-pitched warble]"
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"And the attitude during conveyance"
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"Of the random deceit is apparently of great importance."
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"The humanoid is approximately 5'10" in height."
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"I didn't see you."
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"- you trying to mess with me?"
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"- yes, that's what i was doing."
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"You did."
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"- [warbling]"
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"- man, don't turn your back on me."
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"- it is on like donkey kong!"
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"- i don't like the fact that you're walking around here"
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"- i'm sorry. do you mind if we have this conversation"
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"In a room with less balls?"
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"You're very confident, i'll say that."
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"- what are you doing out there?"
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"- you know i have a problem with dishonesty."
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"- you're on trial for cheating!"
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"Fa--look, we'll be fine."
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"- you don't know that."
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"You're just doing all of this"
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"'cause you want to sleep with me"
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"I mean, you said it yourself."
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"Wait, is that what you thought i meant?"
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"Britta, look at me."
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"If all i wanted was sex,"
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"I could get it from plenty of women"
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"I just didn't want to take sex off the table"
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"Without doing my due diligence."
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"- i actually believe you."
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"- well, why wouldn't you? - i don't know."
Community
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