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Clips from Farzar - Baz, Bangs, and Brains (S01E01)

"he'll never kill himself."
Farzar
"[high voice] Wait, I think they can hear us!"
Farzar
"[Barry's voice] Never mind that. Any of you other personalities as horny as I am?"
Farzar
"[high voice] Sure!"
Farzar
"[old voice] Well, most certainly, old chap."
Farzar
"[Charles] I'm Pineapple Charles and I'm harder than dry rice."
Farzar
"[voices clamoring]"
Farzar
"Yeah, you don't have to wear one."
Farzar
"What are you doing, man? I wanted to hear that Pineapple Charles brain orgy!"
Farzar
"[ominous music plays]"
Farzar
"You lazy fuckers are gonna make me lose this election!"
Farzar
"Work harder, you good-for-nothing, piss-smelling morons!"
Farzar
"You talking to me, boss?"
Farzar
"No, not you, Harold. You're doing great. Keep up the good work."
Farzar
"Please don't kill me."
Farzar
"Here's the voting machine you asked for."
Farzar
"Hoo! I just flew in from Gruptor, and, boy, are my rotation rotors tired."
Farzar
"A zing, zing, hello!"
Farzar
"I said we needed a hacked voting machine,"
Farzar
"not a hacky voting machine, you fucking turd balls!"
Farzar
"My new invention will surely win you this election."
Farzar
"It's an interactive campaign poster."
Farzar
"Vote for me!"
Farzar
"Uh, the voice is a little shrill."
Farzar
"Shrill? I'll kill you, motherfucker!"
Farzar
"-Goddamn, the poster's got a gun! -[screams]"
Farzar
"-Fuck this! -I don't wanna die! I don't wanna die!"
Farzar
"[cries]"
Farzar
"I love it! Put 'em up everywhere."
Farzar
"-[screaming] -I'll kill you, motherfucker!"
Farzar
"[Renzo] Welcome back to All My Renzos."
Farzar
"Renzo, I feel like I don't know you at all."
Farzar
"That's because all this time you thought I was Renzo."
Farzar
"But I'm actually"
Farzar
"Renzo!"
Farzar
"Holy shit! Renzo was Renzo the whole time?"
Farzar
"I did not see that coming."
Farzar
"Yeah, this show is awesome."
Farzar
"Actually, I felt his thespian skills were mediocre at best."
Farzar
"It was totally devoid of emotion and nuance."
Farzar
"Nothing I hate more than a flat performance."
Farzar
"Ah!"
Farzar
"Thought Police!"
Farzar
"Hit the ground or I'll blow your negative Renzo thinking brain out!"
Farzar
"Black bag him!"
Farzar
"Well, back to my stories."
Farzar
"Shouldn't I help Belzert?"
Farzar
"Oh, shut up, brain. Just for that I'm gonna fuck you up!"
Farzar
"♪ Dar, dar, dar, dar, dar ♪"
Farzar
"Yeah, that's more like it."
Farzar
"Yeah, I know this guy is a big war hero."
Farzar
"I would have gone to war too, but I have a boner spur."
Farzar
"See, I was in the Space Navy until I had shore leave on Planet Disco."
Farzar
"I was doing rails and poppers till 4 a.m. with some of the local color."
Farzar
"I blacked out, but they tell me I stumbled into a piercing joint,"
Farzar
"whipped out my junk and said, "Give me a spur and make me a cowboy!""
Farzar
""Yeehaw!""
Farzar
"When I woke up, my dong looked like a giant purple snake"
Farzar
"with pound cake stuck in its braces."
Farzar
"They said I had a nasty infection"
Farzar
"and gave me a medical discharge due to all the, you know, medical discharge."
Farzar
"Uh, that question was about education."
Farzar
"He's all show and no substance."
Farzar
"What kind of leader feels the need to wear a skull on his chest plate?"
Farzar
"I wear this skull because it's scary!"
Farzar
"[all gasp]"
Farzar
"So our faces are scary to you?"
Farzar
"Uh, yeah. What am I, a bad person for not wanting you to move into my neighborhood?"
Farzar
"What's next? Frankensteins and Draculas moving in?"
Farzar
"I'm trying to live my life, not do the fucking monster mash."
Farzar
"Bazarack is down 90% in the skull-people district due to these comments"
Farzar
"and a picture that emerged from last Halloween of him in skull face."
Farzar
"Although, he is doing quite well with skull people without college degrees."
Farzar
"We'll be back after these messages."
Farzar
"[man] Bazarack Francine Finkelstein is an A1 son of a bitch."
Farzar
"Do you want to vote for the man who said,"
Farzar
""I'd like to write my name in a baby's soft spot like wet cement"?"
Farzar
"He's been kicked out of 12 improv groups."
Farzar
"He thinks birds aren't real."
Farzar
"He spent billions of your tax dollars"
Farzar
"to build himself a palace made entirely of candy."
Farzar
"Basically, Bazarack is a stupid, insecure, self-serving, narcissist douchebag."
Farzar
"I'm Bazarack Killdiedeath and I approve this message!"
Farzar
"Wait, you ran that ad?"
Farzar
"Hell yeah, I did! Better to get out ahead of all that stuff"
Farzar
"before one of you good-for-nothing rats leaked it!"
Farzar
"Not you, Harold. Don't kill me."
Farzar
"Master, the new polls are in."
Farzar
"Why do we need poles? Is your wife trying to make some extra money?"
Farzar
"Hoo! Zing, zing, hello! How may I direct your laugh?"
Farzar
"The election polls, Master."
Farzar
"And I hate to tell you this, but Keeno is beating you by 99%."
Farzar
"What? This is all your fault, you stupid fucking minions!"
Farzar
"Excluding Harold, of course."
Farzar
"I think it has a lot to do with that commercial you ran."
Farzar
"What do you know? You got a fat wife!"
Farzar
"She's 90 pounds, sir."
Farzar
"That's pretty fucking fat for a cockroach!"
Farzar
"I've had it! I'm going to my candy palace!"
Farzar
"[engine revs]"
Farzar
"Where are you going?"
Farzar
"You saw the polls."
Farzar
"Bazarack is going to lose."
Farzar
"We're going to try to go get jobs with Keeno. You should come with us."
Farzar
"No. Bazarack is our leader."
Farzar
"And we have to stay loyal to him, because he's the best man for the job."
Farzar
"I mean, not all of his ideas work,"
Farzar
"but at least they're all really well thought out."
Farzar
"There was no way to anticipate this!"
Farzar
"Good job, S.H.A.T. Squad! We tracked down everyone who had a negative Renzo thought."
Farzar
"I would also like to thank myself."
Farzar
"Like Mommy always says, "I'm a smart and handsome leader.""
Farzar
"And we couldn't agree more."
Farzar
"Handsome? [laughs]"
Farzar
"You look like a goddamn plucked penguin."
Farzar
"What? The rest of you don't think I look weird, right?"
Farzar
"Fichael look like loaf of bread with eyes."
Farzar
"Zing, zing, now you're cooking!"
Farzar
"Ugh, at least you don't have to kiss him. His breath smells like a cat's butthole."
Farzar
"See, even Val thinks you're a loser."
Farzar
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