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Clips from Farzar - Baz, Bangs, and Brains (S01E01)

"[suspenseful music plays]"
Farzar
"[woman on PA] Red alert, red alert!"
Farzar
"All Dome City citizens must come to Renzo Square immediately."
Farzar
"[indistinct chatter]"
Farzar
"[Renzo] Hello, my loyal citizens. Times have been tough for you lately."
Farzar
"There's been an economic downturn, the alien threat is looming,"
Farzar
"and there are used needles all over the playgrounds."
Farzar
"Can't a man have a hobby?"
Farzar
"[Renzo] Also, a lot of women have gone missing."
Farzar
"Can't a man have a hobby?"
Farzar
"[Renzo] Point is, I think you all could use a little good news."
Farzar
"So, I've got a gift for all the people of Farzar."
Farzar
"[cheering]"
Farzar
"I got bangs!"
Farzar
"Now you get to shower me with compliments."
Farzar
"I think I speak for all of us"
Farzar
"when I say your bangs"
Farzar
"are the single greatest achievement in the history of mankind."
Farzar
"[cheering]"
Farzar
"Welcome back to 24-hour All Renzo News."
Farzar
"Bangs. A gift to all of us from our generous and kind czar, Renzo."
Farzar
"Dare I say, this may even be better than the Afro puffs he gave us last year."
Farzar
"This happy citizen called Renzo's bangs,"
Farzar
""Humankind's single greatest achievement.""
Farzar
"And here's that same lady after six glasses of wine."
Farzar
"Some fucking gift."
Farzar
"It's like little fucking Dutch boy bitch bangs."
Farzar
""Little fucking Dutch boy bitch bangs?" That lady loved my hair!"
Farzar
"Dad, I think people tell you what you want to hear,"
Farzar
"because they're afraid of you."
Farzar
"There's no way people would have negative thoughts about me and lie to my face!"
Farzar
"-Wait. -Oh my God, your singing is incredible."
Farzar
"[scatting]"
Farzar
"Let me see my little guy's face."
Farzar
"Oh yes, he's a handsome little fella."
Farzar
"[groans]"
Farzar
"[adventurous music playing]"
Farzar
"♪ Farzar ♪"
Farzar
"I'm Susan Weatherby."
Farzar
"And I am Eternahead."
Farzar
"If you are just joining us, I am an eternal, all-knowing being."
Farzar
"And she has silicone bags in her chest."
Farzar
"Moving on, it's election time on Farzar. Let's check in with the candidates."
Farzar
"[coughing]"
Farzar
"I've been honored to be your Emperor Supreme for the past 40 years."
Farzar
"And it looks like, since I'm once again unopposed,"
Farzar
"I will remain your--"
Farzar
"Keeno Bampfardor!"
Farzar
"What are you doing here?"
Farzar
"I sent you off-planet to fight an unwinnable war."
Farzar
"I won it."
Farzar
"You defeated the Mcburgerites?"
Farzar
"Job well done."
Farzar
"Get it?"
Farzar
"What? Nobody likes fucking burger puns anymore?"
Farzar
"I've been gone for 30 years, fighting your petty wars."
Farzar
"And what did I return to?"
Farzar
"Humans have invaded Farzar and pushed our people off our land!"
Farzar
"Why haven't you crushed them?"
Farzar
"I've been busy."
Farzar
"We've mostly been practicing musical numbers."
Farzar
"Well, how else are we gonna beat those Eastside punks at regionals, huh?"
Farzar
"These people deserve a better leader."
Farzar
"Well, we are a democratic society."
Farzar
"So anyone who wants to challenge me can simply step up to that podium."
Farzar
"I'd like to announce my candidacy…"
Farzar
"for Emperor Supreme!"
Farzar
"Damn it! That's why Brookstone said, "Do the shark or the guns.""
Farzar
"And when I win,"
Farzar
"I vow to defeat the humans!"
Farzar
"[audience clapping]"
Farzar
"Hold your horses."
Farzar
"When I win, I promise to drain the swamp!"
Farzar
"Say what?"
Farzar
"In a shocking twist, Bazarack has an opponent for the first time ever."
Farzar
"This battle is going to be hotter"
Farzar
"than The Great Solar Flares of the Neoproterozoic era."
Farzar
"Remember that, Susie?"
Farzar
"No? Oh, that's right. You're not eternal."
Farzar
"-I am. -Maybe not, but at least I have legs."
Farzar
"[sobs]"
Farzar
"My absence of legs is my Achilles heel."
Farzar
"You don't have those either."
Farzar
"[cries]"
Farzar
"Unlucky for you,"
Farzar
"I have had eternity to think of the perfect comeback for times like this!"
Farzar
"And you"
Farzar
"are a poopy bitch."
Farzar
"This just in, Susan Weatherby, pwned!"
Farzar
"Listen up."
Farzar
"I've funneled our entire GDP to solving the greatest threat to our planet."
Farzar
"People having secret negative thoughts about me behind my back."
Farzar
"And Barry has come up with a way to fix it."
Farzar
"Introducing The Mega Brain."
Farzar
"[ominous music plays]"
Farzar
"It's a supercomputer,"
Farzar
"capable of broadcasting the thoughts of anyone wearing one of these."
Farzar
"Oh, I'm sorry. That's a birthday gift for myself."
Farzar
"A gag gift. Get it?"
Farzar
"What, nobody likes suicide puns anymore?"
Farzar
"You'll actually be wearing this."
Farzar
"Let's test it! Scootie, do you like my bangs?"
Farzar
"Like your bangs?"
Farzar
"I love your bangs!"
Farzar
"You look like somebody dunked a Korean schoolgirl in peroxide."
Farzar
"Negative Renzo thought detected."
Farzar
"You see, Renzo? If someone has a negative thought about you,"
Farzar
"The Mega Brain alerts us with the person's exact location."
Farzar
"And then, what are you gonna do to 'em?"
Farzar
"Nothing. You are."
Farzar
"Your new job is to track down"
Farzar
"every piece of shit terrorist that has a negative thought about me."
Farzar
"This spray-tan, he-man motherfucker has lost his damn mind!"
Farzar
"Thanks for testing it again."
Farzar
"Yeah, that's what I was doing."
Farzar
"Let's see what I'm thinking."
Farzar
"Kill yourself. Kill yourself. Kill yourself."
Farzar
"Kill yourself. Kill yourself."
Farzar
"[high voice] Will you shut up? He knows he should kill himself."
Farzar
"[old voice] If you young whippersnappers don't keep it down,"
Farzar
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