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Clips from The Simpsons - $pringfield (or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling) (S05E05)

"Uh, yes. Well, I'm sure I left them in the car."
The Simpsons
"[ Thinking ] No one must know I dropped them in the toilet."
The Simpsons
"Not I, the man who drafted the Paris Peace Accords."
The Simpsons
"- [ Scoffs, Sighs ] - Mmm. Hmm."
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"Sir, bad news from Accounting. The economy's hit us pretty hard."
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"[ Scoffs ] Tough times, huh? I've lived through 1 2 recessions..."
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"eight panics and five years of McKinleynomics."
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"Oh! Very well. Lay off... him, him, him, him-- Hmm."
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"Dad, you shouldn't wear glasses that weren't prescribed for you."
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"Lisa,just because you're 1 0 feet tall doesn't mean you can tell me what to do."
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"And finally, Henry Kissinger was hospitalized today after walking into a wall."
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"Now over to Kent Brockman with some grim economic news."
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"Scott, things aren't as happy as they used to be down here at the unemployment office."
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"Joblessness is no longer just for philosophy majors."
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"Useful people are starting to feel the pinch."
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"I haven't been able to find a job in six years."
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"Huh. And what training do you have?"
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"Five years of modern dance. Six years of tap."
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"[ Brockman ] The economic slump began last spring..."
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"when the government closed Fort Springfield..."
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"devastating the city's liquor and prostitution industries."
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"Now, at the risk of being unpopular..."
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"this reporter places the blame for all this squarely on you, the viewers."
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"to move to a more prosperous town and run for mayor."
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"Aw,just what I need to tip the skycaps."
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"I'll tell you what made this town great!"
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"Good, old-fashioned gumption!"
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"There's nothing here a little elbow grease won't fix!"
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"So let's roll up our sleeves..."
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"and-- [ Snoring ]"
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"Now, I, uh, hesitate to bring this up..."
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"but a number of cities have rejuvenated their economies..."
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"[ Crowd Murmuring ]"
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"There is an added bonus. Some of the revenue..."
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"can go to help our underfunded public schools."
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"- Well, I like the part about the gambling. - What do you think, Reverend?"
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"Once something has been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral."
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"- Yea! - By building a casino..."
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"Yea!"
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"Well, now. Are there any objections?"
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"[ Man ] Probably Marge is gonna have some."
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"Actually, I think it might really help our economy."
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"I'll stay here and grow fat off kickbacks and slush funds."
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"Yea!"
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"And you know what the best part is?"
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"Oh, I'll never forget my carefree boyhood days on this old boardwalk."
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"- [ Children Chattering ] - [ Electricity Buzzing ]"
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"[ Screams ] Why, you-- [ Gasps ]"
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"Master Burns! I mean, carry on."
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"[ Laughing Continues ]"
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"Sir, the designers are here with some prototypes for your casino."
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"Gambling with all the glitz and glamour of the British Isles."
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"Best of all, the waitresses and showgirls are all real Brits."
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"Freshen your drink, governor?"
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"- Get out. - Okay. All right. Wait--"
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"- [ Chuckles ] Wow. Oh, let me just get my head together. - Now!"
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"We'll sail round the horn and return with spices and silk..."
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"- We're building a casino! - Arr."
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"[ Scoffs ] Idiots. I'll design it myself!. I know what people like."
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"It's got to have sex appeal... and a catchy name."
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"In honor of legalized gambling, why not go as the state of Nevada?"
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"No. Nevada makes my butt look big."
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"Then how 'bout going as Florida?"
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"You enjoy orange juice. Old people like you."
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"- Dad, what do you think? - Shh! I'm trying to teach the baby to gamble."
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"As you know, it's been my lifelong dream to become a blackjack dealer."
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"[ Gonging Continues ]"
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"Hello. I'm retired heavyweight boxer Gerry Cooney."
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"If there's anything I can do to make your visit more enjoyable, please let me know."
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"- Yeah, great. See ya! - Uh, don't forget to apply for..."
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"our V.I.P. Platinum Club for special discounts on--"
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"Uh, let's see. Eighteen, 27, 3 5--"
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"Yee-haw! Homer..."
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"I wore it the day Kennedy was shot..."
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"Why, thanks, Senator. Oop! Looks like my shift is over."
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"[ All ] Uh-oh!"
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"[ Grampa ] Come on, lucky seven!"
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"I want some of that sweet, sweet do-re-mi!"
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"Please throw the dice now. Please. Now."
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"Don't rush me! I have arthritis."
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"Will the gentleman please roll the dice?"
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"All right, all right, smart guy."
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"Oh! Now it's in my shoe!"
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"So much nicer than the savagery of the jungle, ja?"
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"[ Shouting In German ]"
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"Wait a minute! Are you over 21 ?"
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"- Are you? - I'm not authorized to answer that."
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"Hi. Yeah, welcome. Have a lucky day.! Mm-hmm."
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"Hi. Yeah, welcome. Have a lucky day.! Mm-hmm."
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"[ Marge ] Hi, Homie.!"
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"I bet it feels pretty weird to be in a casino."
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"- I was for the casino! - Strike three, Marge!"
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"I remember that meeting, and I have a photographic memory."
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"And then I said to the president-- Get this--"
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"Marge? Marge?"
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"Hmm, I wonder if they have a lost and found."
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"Mmm!"
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"Hmm."
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"- [ Meows ] - Behold the box of mystery!"
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"The cat goes in-- [ Straining ] right here--"
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"Twenty-one?"
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"Do that card-counting thing again. Come on. Do it again."
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"Gotta watch Wapner. Leave the table. Yeah, leave the table."
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"I've discovered the perfect business."
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"People swarm in, empty their pockets and scuttle off!."
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"- But we won't let that happen, will we, Smithers? - Uh-- No, sir."
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"- [Jingling ] - [ Whimpering ]"
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"- Whoa! A baby on the table! That's good luck! - [ All ] Yea!"
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"- Snake eyes. Sorry. - Boo!"
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"Garsh, it must be excitin' to live in the casino."
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"- Ja. - You know, we are having a party tonight."
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"Your little boy Bart could have been eaten by that pony!"
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"[ Gasps ] Oh, my God! Barney, thank you."
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"- [ Grunting ] - Oh!"
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"Buddy, those are my quarters!"
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"- [ Belches ] - Hey, this guy's paying off!."
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"- [ Belching ] - [ Chattering ]"
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"" Herpes, herpes, bo-berpes ""
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"" Banana-fana, fo-ferpes Herpes, oh ""
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"Hey, that spot on Gorbachev's head--"
The Simpsons
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