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Clips from The Simpsons - Diatribe of a Mad Housewife (S15E15)

"Well, what do you think?"
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"Hmm."
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"Let's kiss boys! Binge and purge! Rock and roll!"
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"You're not gettin' out till we're 16."
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"But just one thing, isn't your book a little hard on Dad?"
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"(NERVOUSLY) What do you mean? My book is set in whaling times."
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""Captain Mordecai stared at the shop"
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""window full of powdered blow holes."
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"Well, I guess that part is loosely based on your father."
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"before you submit it to publishers."
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"Marge, we're out of bath towels."
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"Whoa! Typed."
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"It's double-spaced."
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"All right, "Chapter 1 .""
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"Hmm. That makes sense."
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""Her name was Temperance Barrows.""
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"No! Gotta read Marge's book! Can't get distracted!"
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""Distracted," that's a funny word."
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"Does anyone ever get "tracted"?"
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"Oh. Yes."
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"Did you like it?"
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"I did."
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"Oh! That's wonderful. And the characters didn't bother you at all?"
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"No. They were all, in their own way, totally awesome."
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"And you're fine with me trying to get it published?"
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"As I've always said, "Publish or perish.""
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"(PHONE RINGING)"
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"Marge. This is the best first novel"
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"my assistant has ever summarized for me."
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"Now all we need are some endorsements from famous writers."
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"Here's your quote."
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""Thomas Pynchon loved this book""
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"Hell, no, I wouldn't. What do you mean I just said it?"
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"He'll never read it."
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"What if they parody it on MADtv?"
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"(SIREN WAILING) So how much bleach did you drink?"
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"Not a talker, eh?"
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"Oh, I've been very sick."
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"the sensitive hunk down the road. (GIGGLING)"
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"And on page 72,"
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"Temperance's name changes to Marge for three paragraphs."
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"Oh, God! I'm alone!"
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"I've got a guy with a broken back"
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"It just seems your wife has an active imagination."
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"Why do you keep talking that way?"
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"You'll see when you read your wife's book."
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"That one I got."
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"I'll have to read Marge's book."
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"based on the color of his skin."
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"But what good does that do me?"
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"(HOMER READING)"
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"ASHLEY: "The Harpooned Heart by Marge Simpson.""
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"MARY-KATE: "There once was a girl from Nantucket.""
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""Her name was Temperance Barrows.""
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""And her heart was heavy with feeling.""
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"Take it, Ashley."
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"ASHLEY: "Temperance was trapped in a loveless marriage.""
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"Bummer. I didn't know people were sad in the past."
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"How can you write such horrible things about me?"
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"Well, there is a place called Nantucket."
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"And what about the romance between you and Cyrus?"
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"It was only my imagination."
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"Well, I'll make sure you never imagine anything again!"
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"(BANGING ON DOOR) HOMER: Flanders!"
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"Stealing doormats."
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"Ugh! Didn't you read Mom's book?"
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"Fine! I'll tell you how it ends."
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""The brutish Captain Mordecai has cornered his rival, Cyrus...""
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"Oops! (GROWLING)"
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"Temperance, I'll treasure your memory as long as I..."
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"Now that your boyfriend's dead,"
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"I'm free to be selfish, drunk, emotionally distant,"
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"sexually ungenerous, pissy, and..."
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"D'oh!"
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"MARGE: "As Temperance watched the two men she had loved""
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"(SIREN WAILING)"
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"Flanders, pull over! I'm an ambulance!"
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"Well, he's got me there."
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"please make Homer's blows precise"
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"and deadly with a minimum of pain."
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"Oh! And forgive me for those impure thoughts"
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"I should've done a long time ago!"
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"Would you help me be a better husband?"
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"Huh?"
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"In Marge's book, I was so mean and you were so nice."
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"How can I be more like you? Just give me some advice."
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"Please! Homie, don't hurt him!"
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"It doesn't have to lead to adult situations."
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"Why would I rub her back unless I wanted to get some..."
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"Oh, to make her feel good."
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"You're trying to improve yourself and it's because of my book."
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"Don't worry about those losers, Marge."
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"(CHUCKLING SUGGESTIVELY)"
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"Lee Harvey Oswald wanted to steal the Jack Ruby!"
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"Jack Ruby was a man, not a jewel."
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"I was so close."
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"I can't see! I'll have to steer by the reflection in my watch!"
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"Line busy, shutting down."
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"Hey, guys."
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"I'll show you what we do with scammers like you."
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"They'll be back."
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"Fine, fine."
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"Temperance Barrows stared at the sea,"
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"MARGE: "For Temperance, the days passed on","
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"Was there ever a more perfect husband than you?"
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"I know you did your best."
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"If so, then I guess I'm just a caveman,"
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"And your back has a nice New England hump."
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"I'm Cyrus Manley. And I'm new to the island."
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"You listen to what I say,"
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"your body has known the cleansing touch of soap."
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"To be taken for granted by a drunken lout?"
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"(MOANING)"
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"I can't believe Mom wrote a book before we did!"
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"And it's a little trashy."
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""She...""
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"Well? Well, what?"
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"We're doomed!"
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"Nothing, nothing."
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"If you do, you'll see she lusts for Flanders."
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