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Clips from NewsRadio - Security Door (S04E04)

"That's what I want to talk to you about. That other news station is stealing our ideas."
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"They're-They're rippin' us off wholesale."
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"- Really? How so? - Oh, well, for starters-- You ready for this?"
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"- And? - And we started doing that two years ago."
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"Sir, news radio stations have been doing traffic reports from helicopters for years."
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"I just hope they don't steal our idea of doing weather reports, you know?"
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"Oh, well, that's a relief anyway. Okay. We'll see ya."
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"- Okay. - [ Chuckling ]"
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"Ah, just didn't have the heart to tell the poor son of a bitch."
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"[ Sighs ] Okay. Listen up, everyone."
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"This door is to be kept closed at all times. All right?"
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"Dave, we're not circumventing it. We're just trying to get around it."
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"[ Sighs ] Guys, all I--"
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"so it doesn't lock behind me when I go use the can."
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"Just take your key card with you. Oh, I don't know."
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"Well, I want you to help negotiate the actual deal for me."
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"Isn't that something your agent should do? Technically, yes,"
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"I don't know. He died or retired or something. Anyway--"
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"Bill, I have no idea how to be an agent. Oh, it's easy."
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"You just negotiate my salary and look out for my image as a newsman--"
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"you know, making sure that I don't have to do anything silly or embarrassing."
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"What's the commercial for? Blue jeans."
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"That's silly and embarrassing. Lisa, these are European blue jeans."
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"Oh, well, that's different. Italian?"
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"Even better-- Czechoslovakian."
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"Wow. I'm still not qualified to be your agent."
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"Sure you are. You've got just what it takes."
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"You're cold and logical and heartless and emotionless--"
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"[ Laughing ] Not in show business, they don't."
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"[ Chuckles ] Okay, you got me. I can't put one over on--"
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"- Dave, I know how it works. - Of course. I'm sorry."
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"- Beth, don't you want to check? See who it is. - No, I don't have to."
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"When Matthew hears the chimes, he gets up from his desk and lets whoever it is in the door."
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"having a, uh, security door in the first place?"
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"- Can I help you, gentlemen? - We're looking for Bill McNeal."
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"Oh, he's not? I'm sorry, guys."
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"Matthew. Yeah?"
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"Who the hell are those guys? I have no idea."
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"- Then why did you let them in? - Because they didn't have key cards."
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"Dave, do any of us belong here, really?"
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"Think about it. [ Chiming ]"
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"I can't tell you how happy we are to have you aboard. Glad to be of service."
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"Well, he's not exactly on board yet."
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"- Why, of course. - In principle, we're very excited about your offer."
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"- Bill. - What?"
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"I mean, as long as I get some time to prepare."
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"I think what Bill is trying to communicate is our shared desire..."
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"to arrive at terms that would be beneficial to all parties involved."
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"She drives a hard bargain. But just remember,"
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"Bill! Okay! On second thought, let's try the sombrero."
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"Poor thing. [ Sighs ]"
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"Matthew, that's a Cornish game hen."
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"Dude, you know, if somebody wants to steal your wallet, that door's not gonna stop 'em."
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"Somebody at the security door."
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"But Beth cannot be trusted to maintain the integrity of the system."
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"WNYX. Please state your name and business so I can buzz you in."
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"Dave, maybe I'll just go see who it is. No!"
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"They chime. I ask them, "Who is it?" They tell me. I buzz them in."
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"Please state your name and business so that I can give you access to these premises."
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"Dave, why don't you just look through your window? No!"
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"Are-- Are you-- They chime. I ask who it is. They tell me. I let them in."
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"[ Chimes ] In God's name, who are you?"
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"security door is new and strange, and it challenges our outdated notions..."
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"if you will, to a better office."
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"and locked, keeping out intruders."
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"Hey, hey, wait a minute. I've seen that guy around."
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"Hey, what if there's a fire? We'd be stuck inside and burned alive,"
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"like those people on the Titanic."
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"What if there's a fire on the other side of the door..."
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"and the only way to escape is back through the office?"
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"If that happens and you don't have your key card with you,"
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"then you will all be burned to death."
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"Which is why it's very important to always have your key card with you."
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"- What about an earthquake? - Ah, well,"
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"in the event of an earthquake, the entire building will collapse,"
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"But it's important to remember that most earthquake activity..."
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"is clustered around the so-called Ring of Fire..."
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"in the Pacific Rim."
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"Of course, Matthew. In the event that..."
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"Ah. Then good. That's the stuff."
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"But you're my agent. You made me look stupid today."
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"You're playing a father and your only line is, "Pipe down, you two.""
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"I can't do that. I can't tell them no. I can't tell anyone no."
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"Can't you see? Okay, okay. Just take it easy."
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"I tried to tell you earlier, but you just wouldn't listen!"
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"But you don't seem to have trouble throwing your weight around in here."
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"It's a lateral move. But television--"
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"Bill, I am not going to go with you. I'm not going to go,"
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"because I think this is something you need to do on your own."
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"Yeah, but I-- Ah-ah-ah! No buts, mister."
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"[ Sighs ] You're gonna go, and you're gonna be great."
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"And you want to know why? Because you are Bill McNeal."
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"The most pompous, overbearing,"
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"self-centered, cocky bastard..."
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"I have ever met in my entire life."
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"Thanks. You're welcome."
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"Watching to make sure the door closes."
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"- Dave, it's closing. - It's not closed until I hear it click."
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"Maybe we just couldn't hear it over all the chatter."
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"Ah, excuse me, I'm looking for Bill McNeal."
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"[ Man #1 ] And rolling sound. [ Man #2 ] And action."
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"Hand 'em over! They're mine!"
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"No, they're not! Pipe down, you two!"
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"You wore them last time. They're mine!"
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"Take it easy, you two."
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"For a limited time only, Blue Genie's Blue Jeans..."
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"Now, has anyone seen my lamp?"
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"I'd like to know who rigged the door..."
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"P-A-R-A-- noid."
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"I know. That's why I'm closing this door."
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"from the person or persons who sabotaged the door..."
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"so that it would shatter, and I would be made to look foolish."
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"very, very paranoid lately. Very."
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"Dave, I wish so hard that you could see yourself the way that we see you--"
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"as a ranting, raving, crazy, little man with a--"
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"Don't play their game. It's just what they want you to do."
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"Also, I love you."
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"- I love you too. Matthew? - Oh, yeah, Dave."
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"♪ Frodo was a paranoid gnome ♪"
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"This is not what we agreed to. It isn't. It isn't!"
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