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Clips from NewsRadio - Security Door (S04E04)

Why didn't you put your foot down? Well, I started to.

"Why didn't you put your foot down? Well, I started to."

NewsRadio

I went to talk to the director. And what happened?

"I went to talk to the director. And what happened?"

NewsRadio

And then I panicked and asked for a pay cut.

"And then I panicked and asked for a pay cut."

NewsRadio

[ Scoffs ] What's the problem? What's the problem?

"[ Scoffs ] What's the problem? What's the problem?"

NewsRadio

I know! Outrageous, isn't it?

"I know! Outrageous, isn't it?"

NewsRadio

Well, there isn't!

"Well, there isn't!"

NewsRadio

[ Shouts, Indistinct ] I did it. [ Exhales ]

"[ Shouts, Indistinct ] I did it. [ Exhales ]"

NewsRadio

Yeah. This was a big step for me.

"Yeah. This was a big step for me."

NewsRadio

I know. [ Sighs Deeply, Laughs ]

"I know. [ Sighs Deeply, Laughs ]"

NewsRadio

Bill. Yeah?

"Bill. Yeah?"

NewsRadio

I-I thought you were going to be playing the father.

"I-I thought you were going to be playing the father."

NewsRadio

I was.

"I was."

NewsRadio

Well, the actor who was going to do it called in sick,

"Well, the actor who was going to do it called in sick,"

NewsRadio

so I lucked out and "aca-badabra!"

"so I lucked out and "aca-badabra!""

NewsRadio

The Blue Genie has three times as many lines as the father. Of course.

"The Blue Genie has three times as many lines as the father. Of course."

NewsRadio

that glass correctly, it would never have shattered.

"that glass correctly, it would never have shattered."

NewsRadio

Okay. Great. Yeah.

"Okay. Great. Yeah."

NewsRadio

See, Dave? Wasn't sabotaged.

"See, Dave? Wasn't sabotaged."

NewsRadio

He's in on it. In on what?

"He's in on it. In on what?"

NewsRadio

Someone somewhere wants me crazy.

"Someone somewhere wants me crazy."

NewsRadio

Okay, that's it. I'm gonna give you a ride home.

"Okay, that's it. I'm gonna give you a ride home."

NewsRadio

I'm gonna tuck you in. You had enough for today.

"I'm gonna tuck you in. You had enough for today."

NewsRadio

Go get your stuff. Go on. Attaboy!

"Go get your stuff. Go on. Attaboy!"

NewsRadio

He's feeling a little paranoid. [ Chuckles ]

"He's feeling a little paranoid. [ Chuckles ]"

NewsRadio

I think someone must have sabotaged it, so it would break and make him look foolish.

"I think someone must have sabotaged it, so it would break and make him look foolish."

NewsRadio

Why did he-- What-- Never mind. Never mind. You're right. You're right.

"Why did he-- What-- Never mind. Never mind. You're right. You're right."

NewsRadio

Obviously, uh-- It's just, uh-- Just need a good night's sleep.

"Obviously, uh-- It's just, uh-- Just need a good night's sleep."

NewsRadio

Yeah. So I guess we should go.

"Yeah. So I guess we should go."

NewsRadio

Mm-hmm.

"Mm-hmm."

NewsRadio

Okay, where is my-- where is my briefcase?

"Okay, where is my-- where is my briefcase?"

NewsRadio

Ah, come on. He's not even here.

"Ah, come on. He's not even here."

NewsRadio

Right, two years now.

"Right, two years now."

NewsRadio

Bill, what are you doing? Taping this damn door...

"Bill, what are you doing? Taping this damn door..."

NewsRadio

Very excited! Yeah.

"Very excited! Yeah."

NewsRadio

We just need to make sure that Bill won't be asked to do anything...

"We just need to make sure that Bill won't be asked to do anything..."

NewsRadio

I will do this for basically whatever you guys want to pay me.

"I will do this for basically whatever you guys want to pay me."

NewsRadio

A little bird just flew into the glass and died.

"A little bird just flew into the glass and died."

NewsRadio

That's how it works. That is the system. The system will be followed.

"That's how it works. That is the system. The system will be followed."

NewsRadio

[ Shouting ] Hey, Dave, you gotta get this buzzer fixed.

"[ Shouting ] Hey, Dave, you gotta get this buzzer fixed."

NewsRadio

Okay, uh,

"Okay, uh,"

NewsRadio

In the event of fire, these smoke detectors are hooked up to the security door,

"In the event of fire, these smoke detectors are hooked up to the security door,"

NewsRadio

Well, that's because I was afraid they'd make me look stupid.

"Well, that's because I was afraid they'd make me look stupid."

NewsRadio

If they fire me, so what? I can get a job scraping gum off the sidewalk.

"If they fire me, so what? I can get a job scraping gum off the sidewalk."

NewsRadio

Okay. They're gonna do another take, so have a seat.

"Okay. They're gonna do another take, so have a seat."

NewsRadio

"And while you're at it, why not slip into a brand-new fit..."

NewsRadio

so that it would break when I touched it?

"so that it would break when I touched it?"

NewsRadio

'Cause I can say, without a trace of irony, you're all out to get me.

"'Cause I can say, without a trace of irony, you're all out to get me."

NewsRadio

Okay, uh, Dave, actually the reason that we're all here...

"Okay, uh, Dave, actually the reason that we're all here..."

NewsRadio

[ Chuckles ] The problem is,

"[ Chuckles ] The problem is,"

NewsRadio

There's supposed to be a whole fruit basket in there.

"There's supposed to be a whole fruit basket in there."

NewsRadio

[ Sighs ]

"[ Sighs ]"

NewsRadio

I just put it down. That's enough for today. We're goin' for a little ride.

"I just put it down. That's enough for today. We're goin' for a little ride."

NewsRadio

Ah, Lisa, this is radio.

"Ah, Lisa, this is radio."

NewsRadio

And they're stealing our catch phrases like-- Uh-huh.

"And they're stealing our catch phrases like-- Uh-huh."

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that might negatively affect his public image.

"that might negatively affect his public image."

NewsRadio

[ Bell Rings ]

"[ Bell Rings ]"

NewsRadio

What? Oh, never mind.

"What? Oh, never mind."

NewsRadio

Wow, I didn't believe it, but I think that maybe you guys are right.

"Wow, I didn't believe it, but I think that maybe you guys are right."

NewsRadio

No, Bill, I have work to do. I'm not going to the commercial shoot with you.

"No, Bill, I have work to do. I'm not going to the commercial shoot with you."

NewsRadio

Hey. What, uh-- What're you doing?

"Hey. What, uh-- What're you doing?"

NewsRadio

- [ Shouting ] Hey, Dave, you got a minute? - Sure.

"- [ Shouting ] Hey, Dave, you got a minute? - Sure."

NewsRadio

is that we are not going anywhere until you admit that you've become...

"is that we are not going anywhere until you admit that you've become..."

NewsRadio

So you think you can help me out? Act as my agent on this one?

"So you think you can help me out? Act as my agent on this one?"

NewsRadio

Once you're outside, you can't get back in...

"Once you're outside, you can't get back in..."

NewsRadio

We can work without fear.

"We can work without fear."

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[ Beth ] Hey, Dave.

"[ Beth ] Hey, Dave."

NewsRadio

What? [ Beth ] Dave--

"What? [ Beth ] Dave--"

NewsRadio

[ Shouting ] Sure! All right. Fine.

"[ Shouting ] Sure! All right. Fine."

NewsRadio

- No, we don't. - Yes, we do.

"- No, we don't. - Yes, we do."

NewsRadio

Why don't you just wander around out there? I'm sure he'll show up.

"Why don't you just wander around out there? I'm sure he'll show up."

NewsRadio

So, how did you end up playing the Blue Genie?

"So, how did you end up playing the Blue Genie?"

NewsRadio

But it's more than that. You know, we started negotiating for this thing,

"But it's more than that. You know, we started negotiating for this thing,"

NewsRadio

Mm-hmm. Good.

"Mm-hmm. Good."

NewsRadio

Can't you just wait here at the door for 30 seconds or so?

"Can't you just wait here at the door for 30 seconds or so?"

NewsRadio

Bill, why don't you just leave Matthew alone for once, okay?

"Bill, why don't you just leave Matthew alone for once, okay?"

NewsRadio

almost more of an automaton than a human being.

"almost more of an automaton than a human being."

NewsRadio

But I-I don't think so. Oh, please, Lisa.

"But I-I don't think so. Oh, please, Lisa."

NewsRadio

I'll even give you the standard one-percent commission.

"I'll even give you the standard one-percent commission."

NewsRadio

What you're about to hear goes no further than this desk.

"What you're about to hear goes no further than this desk."

NewsRadio

is some assurances that the concept will be executed tastefully.

"is some assurances that the concept will be executed tastefully."

NewsRadio

I've been offered a television commercial.

"I've been offered a television commercial."

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[ Chuckling ] That's a relief.

"[ Chuckling ] That's a relief."

NewsRadio

[ Chimes ]

"[ Chimes ]"

NewsRadio

here we have the security door.

"here we have the security door."

NewsRadio

Wait a minute. Where are you going? Where do you think you're going?

"Wait a minute. Where are you going? Where do you think you're going?"

NewsRadio

Bill McNeal? Yeah, he's one of the actors. He's playing the father.

"Bill McNeal? Yeah, he's one of the actors. He's playing the father."

NewsRadio

I'm pretty paranoid myself, but even I don't turn on my closest friends like this.

"I'm pretty paranoid myself, but even I don't turn on my closest friends like this."

NewsRadio

Thank you. That proves nothing.

"Thank you. That proves nothing."

NewsRadio

Here, on the other hand, someone has propped the door open with a chair.

"Here, on the other hand, someone has propped the door open with a chair."

NewsRadio

Yeah, that's what I figured.

"Yeah, that's what I figured."

NewsRadio

you had a vacation? One thing we do know--

"you had a vacation? One thing we do know--"

NewsRadio

[ Buzzes, Clicks ]

"[ Buzzes, Clicks ]"

NewsRadio

I'll just wait till you got a minute.

"I'll just wait till you got a minute."

NewsRadio

Traffic reports from a helicopter.

"Traffic reports from a helicopter."

NewsRadio

What? No. Well, what's the big secret?

"What? No. Well, what's the big secret?"

NewsRadio

You must be thinking of retail hi-fi sales.

"You must be thinking of retail hi-fi sales."

NewsRadio

Okay.

"Okay."

NewsRadio

Really? That's terrible. Yeah.

"Really? That's terrible. Yeah."

NewsRadio

Thank you. And my credit card.

"Thank you. And my credit card."

NewsRadio

[ Chimes ] WNYX. Who is it?

"[ Chimes ] WNYX. Who is it?"

NewsRadio

Okay, I understand. I understand that the...

"Okay, I understand. I understand that the..."

NewsRadio

and the security door will really be the least of your concerns.

"and the security door will really be the least of your concerns."

NewsRadio

Huh? Hmm!

"Huh? Hmm!"

NewsRadio

I can't tell you how sorry I am. If my guys had installed...

"I can't tell you how sorry I am. If my guys had installed..."

NewsRadio

Was that what you wanted? That was perfect.

"Was that what you wanted? That was perfect."

NewsRadio

I hate to ask you to lie to the little guy, but it'll help him sleep better tonight.

"I hate to ask you to lie to the little guy, but it'll help him sleep better tonight."

NewsRadio

I mean, I've been ringing it for five minutes.

"I mean, I've been ringing it for five minutes."

NewsRadio

I didn't realize relieving myself was gonna turn into the Danish Inquisition.

"I didn't realize relieving myself was gonna turn into the Danish Inquisition."

NewsRadio

Is it for a scented douche?

"Is it for a scented douche?"

NewsRadio