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Clips from Scrubs - My Bed Banter & Beyond (S01E01)

"...colonoscopy. Dr Cox, I'm open!"
Scrubs
"Silly hats are funny. ALF? Very funny!"
Scrubs
"Anyone in a chicken suit... Oversized phones are funny."
Scrubs
"- JD... - Hold on."
Scrubs
"She's right here."
Scrubs
"And bam!"
Scrubs
"That's when you find out that that pretty girl you married"
Scrubs
"I'm talking about the kind that uses your dignity as a dishtowel"
Scrubs
"to wipe up any shreds of manhood that might be stuck inside the sink."
Scrubs
"I may have tormented her from time to time,"
Scrubs
"but that's what I thought marriage was all about."
Scrubs
"So much so, that by the end of that relationship,"
Scrubs
"I honestly don't know who I hated more: her or me."
Scrubs
"I used to sit around and wonder"
Scrubs
"why our friends weren't trying to destroy each other, like we were."
Scrubs
"And here it turns out the answer's pretty simple."
Scrubs
"They weren't unhappy."
Scrubs
"You look great bent over."
Scrubs
"I rolled that damn thing exactly the way the video I bought told me to."
Scrubs
"Probably just a bad ball."
Scrubs
"It's hard to be honest when you're so neurotic"
Scrubs
"you don't even trust the computer to keep your score."
Scrubs
"- I'm neurotic? - I'm sorry!"
Scrubs
"- Is it always this hard? - Bowling's a tricky sport."
Scrubs
"- No, I meant... - I know."
Scrubs
"My turn!"
Scrubs
"Enid has always understood"
Scrubs
"She knows I'm an important man in my field,"
Scrubs
"and it helps her get on all those boards of things her friends are on."
Scrubs
"to the underprivileged kids in the community, blah, blah, blah."
Scrubs
"When I first met her, she wanted to be a psychiatrist."
Scrubs
"But we both decided"
Scrubs
"She likes to joke that"
Scrubs
"I choked the last breath of life out of her long ago."
Scrubs
"You know, when I call her that,"
Scrubs
"sometimes she laughs so hard,"
Scrubs
"to give Mrs Zuckerman a transvenous pacemaker one hour ago."
Scrubs
"Sir, I was waiting to see..."
Scrubs
"You were waiting. I'm sorry, that's..."
Scrubs
"That's my mistake."
Scrubs
"Dr Cox..."
Scrubs
"Gotta give it time. Because, you see,"
Scrubs
"which is what the textbooks tell us to do. Am I right, JD?"
Scrubs
"- Is she right, JD? - Technically, yes."
Scrubs
"and if she really was that bradycardic,"
Scrubs
"But I... That's me. I..."
Scrubs
"It's a rookie mistake."
Scrubs
"I can be myself around Carla."
Scrubs
"and totally independent at the same time."
Scrubs
"I can say whatever's on my mind."
Scrubs
"Sure, if a brother's got an itch, I'll scratch it, but..."
Scrubs
"He seems to like who I am."
Scrubs
"She's a cool lady."
Scrubs
"I should've stood up for you with Dr Cox."
Scrubs
"You should've."
Scrubs
"I don't want him to think it's about our relationship."
Scrubs
"I know that you want Dr Cox to respect you,"
Scrubs
"but you should want me to respect you too."
Scrubs
"If I didn't respect you, I wouldn't be having sex with you."
Scrubs
"- That's not true. I would be. - If you can't talk for real, forget it."
Scrubs
"If you don't like something, say it. Why hide behind stupid jokes?"
Scrubs
"Why is it impossible for you to let anything go?"
Scrubs
"You wouldn't stand up for me"
Scrubs
"because you're terrified that someone won't like you."
Scrubs
"Why don't we get all my friends together in a room and we'll fight your friend."
Scrubs
"And there's a lot of people here who like me for who I am."
Scrubs
"Will they? Won't they? They finally do and they're happy for ever."
Scrubs
"Nine out of ten end because they weren't right for each other to begin with,"
Scrubs
"And through all this, I have not become a cynic."
Scrubs
"pushing chocolate-covered candies, and you know, in some cultures, a chicken."
Scrubs
"You can call me a sucker. I don't care."
Scrubs
"Because I do believe in it."
Scrubs
"Bottom line is couples that are right for each other"
Scrubs
"But the big difference is, they don't let it take 'em down."
Scrubs
"One of those two people will fight for that relationship"
Scrubs
"every time, if it's right and they're real lucky."
Scrubs
"become so incredibly important when sex is involved."
Scrubs
"I just think it'd be easier"
Scrubs
"if you weren't friends with your girlfriend"
Scrubs
"at all."
Scrubs
"But relationships..."
Scrubs
"I always heard that when they were right, they were easy."
Scrubs
"That even when things got hard"
Scrubs
"How is that possible?"
Scrubs
"Am I in a relationship now?"
Scrubs
"No. I'm not in one now."
Scrubs
"I can't believe today's over."
Scrubs
"- I can't believe I ate half a pizza. - Please. You had two pieces."
Scrubs
"If you tell anyone anything about today, please leave that part out."
Scrubs
"I will, cos I'm a gentleman."
Scrubs
"Do you think this is gonna work out?"
Scrubs
"I believe you."
Scrubs
"I get knocked down but I get up again You're never gonna keep me down"
Scrubs
"How did that last time even start?"
Scrubs
"You did."
Scrubs
"You're not going anywhere."
Scrubs
"I just think it's best if we keep this between us for now."
Scrubs
"and I made him a house out of an empty shoebox, and..."
Scrubs
"to make any real money, which affects the number of chicks"
Scrubs
"I'm taking one of those moments"
Scrubs
"and decide if you're actually worth the trouble."
Scrubs
"You made it. That was close."
Scrubs
"Elliot's looking for a surgical consult."
Scrubs
"- Do you know where she is? - Why should I know?"
Scrubs
"and she didn't look so good."
Scrubs
"Let me talk to her for you."
Scrubs
"Why did he ask me out?"
Scrubs
"Anyway, this one time, we were at the supermarket"
Scrubs
"And out of nowhere, this fancy-looking guy comes forward"
Scrubs
"Go! Go!"
Scrubs
"You know what?"
Scrubs
"I know it seems rushed, but five times"
Scrubs
"Let's do it. Let's have the talk."
Scrubs
"I love that little laugh."
Scrubs
"Now I get to do this in public."
Scrubs
"You guys do it all the time."
Scrubs
"Thanks a lot, JD. Really mature."
Scrubs
"But it's your laugh. I gave it to you."
Scrubs
"isn't a pretty girl at all. No. She's a man-eater."
Scrubs
"You don't have to patronise me. Tell me that I suck."
Scrubs
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