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Clips from Frasier - You Can't Tell a Crook by His Cover (S01E01)

"- You recognise that handsome rogue? - Wow!"
Frasier
"We in the radio game call this "the booth"."
Frasier
"Mmm. Suppose this stuff's bulletproof?"
Frasier
"He's gonna listen to the show."
Frasier
"Yes, he used to make a game of locking us in a cell"
Frasier
"There is no Australian consulate in Seattle."
Frasier
"Who are these people coming over tonight?"
Frasier
"- Don't say that word. - What word?"
Frasier
"I've made meatball sandwiches,"
Frasier
"The number of the nearest gastroenterologist."
Frasier
"Throw your coats on the couch."
Frasier
"Hard to tell, isn't it? They all look like they did time!"
Frasier
"Not twice."
Frasier
"No, but it's super for me."
Frasier
"- She's pretty nice. - Sexy, too, you dirty old man."
Frasier
"Sure. Don't you?"
Frasier
"Yeah, you're making a bigger jackass of yourself than I thought."
Frasier
"- Three-raise maximum. - You sure you won't play?"
Frasier
"Oh, no, no. I'll just observe the triumvirate."
Frasier
"I will use my considerable education and not to mention..."
Frasier
"- I like your accent, you're from? - Manchester."
Frasier
"- Who's from Manchester? - No one."
Frasier
"You've been awfully quiet."
Frasier
"It was a compliment."
Frasier
"Almost stereotypical of a man who spent his entire life behind bars."
Frasier
"They had no spots in the laundry."
Frasier
"I have sketched an accurate psychological profile of you all,"
Frasier
"You used psychology, threw a gender-bender at me,"
Frasier
"thinking I would assume a felon would be a man."
Frasier
"The criminal is the very wily Linda!"
Frasier
"- Nope. - Jimmy!"
Frasier
"You all come again anytime you like."
Frasier
"I wouldn't trust him if he wasn't surrounded by cops."
Frasier
"- Who was a snitch? - Jimmy."
Frasier
"I feel stupid as hell."
Frasier
"- I feel a fool myself. - Why would you care?"
Frasier
"- What? - He asked if I'd like to go for drinks"
Frasier
"Forget that police mentality. Don't you believe in second chances?"
Frasier
"Nobody has told me whom to date since school. And I didn't listen then."
Frasier
"Got it. Two gutless wonders!"
Frasier
"Oh! How was your encounter with Dad's poker buddies last night?"
Frasier
"When I told Maris, it was all she could do to keep her eyes from dancing."
Frasier
"It was rather interesting. One of them did time in prison for fraud."
Frasier
"and I've often condemned him for it."
Frasier
"Just because the man was in prison he seems to be marked for life."
Frasier
"I almost had to sedate him"
Frasier
"You're letting this delicate English rose be sullied by some sociopath?"
Frasier
"- He's no sociopath. - This degenerate should be put away."
Frasier
"- You haven't even met him. - They're all depraved animals!"
Frasier
"- We've got to rescue her. - Just sit down."
Frasier
"Now, Niles, Jimmy's a nice guy. And Daphne can take care of herself."
Frasier
"Go and make a fool of yourself, but I won't."
Frasier
"And I never understood it during my formative years,"
Frasier
"I can't claim to understand it - eight ball in far corner -"
Frasier
"We'll simply try to blend in. Fortunately..."
Frasier
"Fortunately, I haven't shaved for hours. You should loosen your tie."
Frasier
"- Try tucking in your watch fob. - That's a Phi Beta Kappa key."
Frasier
"The only problem is I don't see Daphne or Jimmy."
Frasier
"This would be an Englishwoman named Daphne."
Frasier
"- What about Daphne? - You heard what she did."
Frasier
"Good lord, there she is."
Frasier
"- Where are you going? - I'll be back."
Frasier
"I'll just put another quarter in the meter."
Frasier
"The meters don't run at night and neither do you."
Frasier
"An amusing play on words! A regular George S Kaufman."
Frasier
"Actually, Maris and l had our rehearsal dinner here."
Frasier
"I have money. Would you like to go for double or nothing?"
Frasier
"If I do, these boys are square. If I miss, you double your money."
Frasier
"And what in God's name is pulping?"
Frasier
"You're on."
Frasier
"OK, just to make sure this is on the up-and-up, let's use six balls."
Frasier
"Fair enough."
Frasier
"Hey, lady, if you make any of them, it'll be a miracle."
Frasier
"(Laughs)"
Frasier
"Good night, everybody!"
Frasier
"Your head photographs even bigger than it is."
Frasier
"Very droll (!)"
Frasier
"It's here that I help the emotionally distraught through their troubled lives."
Frasier
"You could have gone home after lunch. I thought you'd enjoy this."
Frasier
"Don't touch! It's sophisticated equipment."
Frasier
"- What is it? - I have no idea. Roz said not to touch it."
Frasier
"- The usual procedure is... - Testing, testing..."
Frasier
"Dad, let's go into Roz's booth. You can touch anything in there."
Frasier
"When Frasier was a kid, I'd take him to the police station where I worked."
Frasier
"- I knew they weren't scared. - We weren't."
Frasier
"But after a while became quite hungry."
Frasier
"- Frasier, can you lend me ten bucks? - Did you forget your wallet?"
Frasier
"He's an Australian tourist who just needed ten dollars..."
Frasier
"- For a cab to the consulate? - How did you know?"
Frasier
"No, this guy was for real. He even said..."
Frasier
""Give me your address. I'll send the money back with interest.""
Frasier
"God..."
Frasier
"What is this place? A radio station or a nuclear missile site?"
Frasier
"The criminal mind is complex. They can fool you."
Frasier
"Oh, lecture me on the complexities of the human mind."
Frasier
"I graduated in psychosocial behaviour."
Frasier
"I know, I was at your graduation -"
Frasier
"a car backfired and half of them wet their gowns."
Frasier
"It sounded louder on the dais."
Frasier
"Well, I wouldn't have been fooled."
Frasier
"- Oh, what do you mean? - It's poker night tonight."
Frasier
"Two of the players are cops, the third one's done time."
Frasier
"Five bucks says you can't tell the ex-con."
Frasier
"- Can I get in on the action? - Of course."
Frasier
"Great. Ten bucks on your dad."
Frasier
"What troubles are to pigs so are these charlatans to my mental acuity!"
Frasier
"We didn't know better back then. His mother smoked during pregnancy."
Frasier
"Dad's old friends from the precinct."
Frasier
"Someone should have been cleaned up"
Frasier
"because someone hasn't been smelling so fresh lately."
Frasier
"Because someone is long overdue for a tub."
Frasier
"Eddie is long overdue for a ba..."
Frasier
"B-A-T-H."
Frasier
"His yawns may smell like swamp gas, but his spelling's improving."
Frasier
"pepperoni pizzas and sausage rolls. Will you need anything else?"
Frasier
"Hey, come in. These are my poker pals."
Frasier
"Linda, Frank and Jimmy. This is my son, Frasier."
Frasier
"My dad tells me, he's filled you in on our little bet."
Frasier
"I'm not allowed to ask any questions about your line of work,"
Frasier
"but whatever questions I do ask you must answer truthfully."
Frasier
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