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Clips from Family Guy - Brian Writes a Bestseller (S09E09)

What was it? Was she a shapeshifter?

"What was it? Was she a shapeshifter?"

Family Guy

Damn it, I just had it. All right, calm down.

"Damn it, I just had it. All right, calm down."

Family Guy

At least you've still got Batman and the...

"At least you've still got Batman and the..."

Family Guy

It was Batman Meets...

"It was Batman Meets..."

Family Guy

Oh, you got to be kidding me, I just had it.

"Oh, you got to be kidding me, I just had it."

Family Guy

What was it, Batman Has a Son?

"What was it, Batman Has a Son?"

Family Guy

No, no, you (bleep) idiot. No wonder your wife shot you.

"No, no, you (bleep) idiot. No wonder your wife shot you."

Family Guy

And... done.

"And... done."

Family Guy

There it is, Stewie.

"There it is, Stewie."

Family Guy

one big steamin' pile of book.

"one big steamin' pile of book."

Family Guy

What are you calling it?

"What are you calling it?"

Family Guy

Thanks. Okay. "Chapter One: Wish it.

"Thanks. Okay. "Chapter One: Wish it."

Family Guy

"What are all the things you want most in the world?

""What are all the things you want most in the world?"

Family Guy

"Use the following blank pages

""Use the following blank pages"

Family Guy

to write down all of your dreams and desires."

"to write down all of your dreams and desires.""

Family Guy

- Ah. Brilliant. Make them do the work. - Yeah, why not?

"- Ah. Brilliant. Make them do the work. - Yeah, why not?"

Family Guy

You know, i... i... If people want crap, I'll give 'em crap.

"You know, i... i... If people want crap, I'll give 'em crap."

Family Guy

And, you know, I have a friend

"And, you know, I have a friend"

Family Guy

who might be able to help get this published.

"who might be able to help get this published."

Family Guy

and you never told me before?

"and you never told me before?"

Family Guy

- He's kind of a new friend. - Who is he?

"- He's kind of a new friend. - Who is he?"

Family Guy

Yeah, I don't know if you want to start digging around in this area.

"Yeah, I don't know if you want to start digging around in this area."

Family Guy

Let's just leave it at he's a friend in publishing

"Let's just leave it at he's a friend in publishing"

Family Guy

and he calls on Thursdays.

"and he calls on Thursdays."

Family Guy

Um, hey, Brian, when you're done, can I make a pirate hat?

"Um, hey, Brian, when you're done, can I make a pirate hat?"

Family Guy

Here, just take it.

"Here, just take it."

Family Guy

I look awesome.

"I look awesome."

Family Guy

All right, I got to go to a wedding.

"All right, I got to go to a wedding."

Family Guy

Oh, my God, that is fantastic news!

"Oh, my God, that is fantastic news!"

Family Guy

I can't wait to tell him!

"I can't wait to tell him!"

Family Guy

I know, I told you the book was good.

"I know, I told you the book was good."

Family Guy

Yeah, thank you so much, Don.

"Yeah, thank you so much, Don."

Family Guy

Um, I... I... I don't really have time to do this right now.

"Um, I... I... I don't really have time to do this right now."

Family Guy

Brian, they're publishing your book.

"Brian, they're publishing your book."

Family Guy

You're kidding. I... I can't believe it.

"You're kidding. I... I can't believe it."

Family Guy

Not according to Penguin Publishing.

"Not according to Penguin Publishing."

Family Guy

In fact, you're supposed to call the chief editor.

"In fact, you're supposed to call the chief editor."

Family Guy

Penguin Publishing.

"Penguin Publishing."

Family Guy

One moment, please.

"One moment, please."

Family Guy

Sir, I have a Brian Griffin on the line...

"Sir, I have a Brian Griffin on the line..."

Family Guy

Out. Get out! Get out now!

"Out. Get out! Get out now!"

Family Guy

All right, everyone, I made a very special breakfast

"All right, everyone, I made a very special breakfast"

Family Guy

And... And...

"And... And..."

Family Guy

It's a special breakfast for me, too, right?

"It's a special breakfast for me, too, right?"

Family Guy

Why?

"Why?"

Family Guy

Because... Because it is the anniversary

"Because... Because it is the anniversary"

Family Guy

of when I started to eat vegetables.

"of when I started to eat vegetables."

Family Guy

And Peter for eating healthy.

"And Peter for eating healthy."

Family Guy

Oh, Lois, you didn't have to go through all this fuss.

"Oh, Lois, you didn't have to go through all this fuss."

Family Guy

What you got there?

"What you got there?"

Family Guy

Oh, this? It's just a copy of Us magazine.

"Oh, this? It's just a copy of Us magazine."

Family Guy

Can you believe it?

"Can you believe it?"

Family Guy

Wish it, Want it, Do it got three stars.

"Wish it, Want it, Do it got three stars."

Family Guy

How... How hilarious is that?

"How... How hilarious is that?"

Family Guy

That's a huge accomplishment.

"That's a huge accomplishment."

Family Guy

Well, I helped get the review in.

"Well, I helped get the review in."

Family Guy

I called a friend over at Us Weekly

"I called a friend over at Us Weekly"

Family Guy

who usually just covers people with gross amounts of children,

"who usually just covers people with gross amounts of children,"

Family Guy

but now he's the book reviewer.

"but now he's the book reviewer."

Family Guy

So hats off to both of us.

"So hats off to both of us."

Family Guy

Well, n... Nice going, Stewie. You ought to be my publicist.

"Well, n... Nice going, Stewie. You ought to be my publicist."

Family Guy

You know, I... I don't want you to be offering me this

"You know, I... I don't want you to be offering me this"

Family Guy

just because we're related.

"just because we're related."

Family Guy

I do have references you can call.

"I do have references you can call."

Family Guy

as Melanie Griffith's loose skin holder.

"as Melanie Griffith's loose skin holder."

Family Guy

Melanie! Melanie! Over here.

"Melanie! Melanie! Over here."

Family Guy

Yeah, we're walking in now.

"Yeah, we're walking in now."

Family Guy

Make sure Tom Tucker knows he has twenty minutes

"Make sure Tom Tucker knows he has twenty minutes"

Family Guy

and he is to only talk about the book. No personal questions, all right?

"and he is to only talk about the book. No personal questions, all right?"

Family Guy

Are you okay? You good? You... You need anything? All right.

"Are you okay? You good? You... You need anything? All right."

Family Guy

All right, we're inside and there is nobody here to greet us.

"All right, we're inside and there is nobody here to greet us."

Family Guy

Oh wait, is that you on the phone over there?

"Oh wait, is that you on the phone over there?"

Family Guy

There we go. He sees us. All right.

"There we go. He sees us. All right."

Family Guy

Hi, thanks for coming.

"Hi, thanks for coming."

Family Guy

Yeah, hello, we've been here awhile.

"Yeah, hello, we've been here awhile."

Family Guy

Come on, I'll show you the green room.

"Come on, I'll show you the green room."

Family Guy

And Mr. Griffin, I just have to say, I loved your book.

"And Mr. Griffin, I just have to say, I loved your book."

Family Guy

Oh, well, thanks.

"Oh, well, thanks."

Family Guy

- What's your name? - Sharhooz.

"- What's your name? - Sharhooz."

Family Guy

Oh, my God.

"Oh, my God."

Family Guy

It'll just be a few minutes.

"It'll just be a few minutes."

Family Guy

Oh, uh, excuse me, there's something on the wall.

"Oh, uh, excuse me, there's something on the wall."

Family Guy

Now you have exactly twenty seconds to find us a room

"Now you have exactly twenty seconds to find us a room"

Family Guy

with a white sofa, a white table, white hydrangeas

"with a white sofa, a white table, white hydrangeas"

Family Guy

and Fiji water!

"and Fiji water!"

Family Guy

Geez, Stewie, there's no need to...

"Geez, Stewie, there's no need to..."

Family Guy

Ooh, I said no gray M & M's. These are all gray.

"Ooh, I said no gray M & M's. These are all gray."

Family Guy

Don't worry, Brian. I've got it all under control.

"Don't worry, Brian. I've got it all under control."

Family Guy

You're a big canine star.

"You're a big canine star."

Family Guy

They should be treating you like Spuds MacKenzie.

"They should be treating you like Spuds MacKenzie."

Family Guy

Man, I wonder what he's doing now.

"Man, I wonder what he's doing now."

Family Guy

Now, ladies, approach him slowly.

"Now, ladies, approach him slowly."

Family Guy

He can't really see anymore.

"He can't really see anymore."

Family Guy

I've injected him with the Viagra.

"I've injected him with the Viagra."

Family Guy

Now, I'm gonna roll him on his back,

"Now, I'm gonna roll him on his back,"

Family Guy

but you're pretty much gonna have to do 100% of the work.

"but you're pretty much gonna have to do 100% of the work."

Family Guy

We're here with Brian Griffin, local author

"We're here with Brian Griffin, local author"

Family Guy

of the new bestseller Wish it, Want it, Do it.

"of the new bestseller Wish it, Want it, Do it."

Family Guy

Am I pronouncing that correctly?

"Am I pronouncing that correctly?"

Family Guy

Uh, well, it... It basically just refers to the steps necessary

"Uh, well, it... It basically just refers to the steps necessary"

Family Guy

for identifying and achieving your dreams and doing so

"for identifying and achieving your dreams and doing so"

Family Guy

in as effective and expeditious a manner as possible.

"in as effective and expeditious a manner as possible."

Family Guy

Wow. And it's nonfiction, right?

"Wow. And it's nonfiction, right?"

Family Guy

Y... Uh... Yes, it is.

"Y... Uh... Yes, it is."

Family Guy

Now, w... Which one is that? I always forget.

"Now, w... Which one is that? I always forget."

Family Guy

Is that the one that really happened or not?

"Is that the one that really happened or not?"

Family Guy

- Uh... yeah. - Okay, oh, so this...

"- Uh... yeah. - Okay, oh, so this..."

Family Guy

So now... So this is... This is a true story.

"So now... So this is... This is a true story."

Family Guy

Well, it's not really a narrative...

"Well, it's not really a narrative..."

Family Guy

Doesn't matter. I'm hooked.

"Doesn't matter. I'm hooked."

Family Guy

And we'll be right back with sports.

"And we'll be right back with sports."

Family Guy

We're doing a whole thing there.

"We're doing a whole thing there."

Family Guy

I booked your plane ticket, and I specifically asked

"I booked your plane ticket, and I specifically asked"

Family Guy

that you not sit next to an Asian.

"that you not sit next to an Asian."

Family Guy

Stewie, that's racist. That's terrible.

"Stewie, that's racist. That's terrible."

Family Guy

I'm sorry, do you want me to call back and change it?

"I'm sorry, do you want me to call back and change it?"

Family Guy

Well, it's done now. Seems like a lot of extra work.

"Well, it's done now. Seems like a lot of extra work."

Family Guy

at the Barnes and Noble on Union Square at 5:00.

"at the Barnes and Noble on Union Square at 5:00."

Family Guy

And then at 7:00 you're meeting with a reporter

"And then at 7:00 you're meeting with a reporter"

Family Guy

from In Style magazine at Pastis.

"from In Style magazine at Pastis."

Family Guy

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