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Clips from Family Guy - Brian Writes a Bestseller (S09E09)

"♪ It seems today that all you see ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪"
Family Guy
"I'm... I'm finished. I'm done. It's over."
Family Guy
"that's giving your alcoholism any credibility."
Family Guy
"and I just want to check to see what they used to pack it..."
Family Guy
"Oh, my God, this gets me so angry!"
Family Guy
"The Secret."
Family Guy
"Oh, how fun. Can I watch you write it?"
Family Guy
"No, no, I promise, I'll be as quiet as a guy in a coma."
Family Guy
"- You want to hear it? - Oh, definitely."
Family Guy
"Wish It, Want It, Do It."
Family Guy
"Love it."
Family Guy
"Wait, you have a friend in publishing"
Family Guy
"I'll see you later."
Family Guy
"Um... Red overalls, a yellow shirt underneath..."
Family Guy
"That's the worst thing I've ever written."
Family Guy
"to celebrate Brian's book coming out."
Family Guy
"Author! Author!"
Family Guy
"It's not hilarious. It's great, Brian."
Family Guy
"You know, I... I spent a month"
Family Guy
"You look beautiful."
Family Guy
"I should have stayed in bed."
Family Guy
"We have no idea where we are or where we're supposed to go."
Family Guy
"Uh, yeah."
Family Guy
"N... Now, what does that mean: Wish It, Want It, Do It?"
Family Guy
"Okay, you're doing great so far."
Family Guy
"Now I was just texting with New York."
Family Guy
"Okay, there's a book signing"
Family Guy
"Oh, it's that new biography on Michael Jackson."
Family Guy
"Oh, great."
Family Guy
"Hi, can I help you?"
Family Guy
"Yeah... You know."
Family Guy
"Just... Do... Do whatever you're thinking."
Family Guy
"Oh, man, crazy."
Family Guy
"Y... Yeah, it's Jan."
Family Guy
"Back of the line. Go on."
Family Guy
"Come back around, he'll try it again."
Family Guy
"I know, I know, my phone number."
Family Guy
"Well, you know, I'm sure for you."
Family Guy
"Listen, I want to thank you all for coming down."
Family Guy
"Brian, settle down."
Family Guy
"You're worse than that guy from Penguin Publishing."
Family Guy
"but now, I mean, it's like,"
Family Guy
"You know, now that we have two minutes"
Family Guy
"I mean, I think it's like... You know,"
Family Guy
"I... I think everybody has greatness in them,"
Family Guy
"Get over here!"
Family Guy
"'Cause I was gonna go back..."
Family Guy
"Oh."
Family Guy
"Oh, and here's your heartworm pill wrapped in bologna."
Family Guy
"Why am I standing under an air vent?!"
Family Guy
"Well, it may be popular,"
Family Guy
"I mean, yeah, you can wish it, and you can do it,"
Family Guy
"but only if you have the educational advantages,"
Family Guy
"And that's another thing, I have to say"
Family Guy
"aren't "Wish it" and "Want it" really the same thing?"
Family Guy
"basically makes three points,"
Family Guy
"what books like these suggest is actually damaging"
Family Guy
"That's it!"
Family Guy
"No, no, no, outside! Outside now!"
Family Guy
"You get outside!"
Family Guy
"That's not actually apologizing."
Family Guy
"What the hell? Stop with that!"
Family Guy
"♪ is violence in movies and sex on TV. ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ on which we used to rely? ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ Lucky there's a family guy. ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ all the things that make us ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ laugh and cry. ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ Family Guy 9x06 ♪ Brian Writes a Bestseller Original Air Date on November 21, 2010"
Family Guy
"Hi. Package for Brian Griffin."
Family Guy
"Oh, I can sign for that."
Family Guy
"Package, Bri."
Family Guy
"Huh. Wonder what this is."
Family Guy
"It's my book."
Family Guy
"And there's a note from my publisher."
Family Guy
""We are returning all of the unsold copies"
Family Guy
"of Faster Than the Speed of Love.""
Family Guy
"You guys got a garage or something?"
Family Guy
"We got like 300 boxes of these things."
Family Guy
"Wow, that's a lot of boxes!"
Family Guy
"Oh, this is so weird."
Family Guy
"Look what they used to pack your book in."
Family Guy
"Shredded-up pieces of your book."
Family Guy
"Okay, that's it, I'm finished."
Family Guy
"What are you talking about?"
Family Guy
"Clearly, I am not meant to be a writer."
Family Guy
"I have tried and I have tried, and nothing has worked out."
Family Guy
"I... put my heart out there, and it keeps getting stomped on."
Family Guy
"Well, that's it, no more."
Family Guy
"I... I... I'm done writing."
Family Guy
"What? Writing's the only thing"
Family Guy
"Ooh, hey, you know, I just thought of something,"
Family Guy
"hold on a sec."
Family Guy
"I bought a vase last week and it's still in the box,"
Family Guy
"Ah, it's your book!"
Family Guy
"What? What is it?"
Family Guy
"Look at this."
Family Guy
"The number-one book on The New York Times Bestseller list"
Family Guy
"is Dream Your Way to Spiritual Joy by Pauly Shore."
Family Guy
"This is why nobody bought my damn book."
Family Guy
"You know, this is what they want."
Family Guy
"Chicken Soup for the Soul. The Purpose Driven Life."
Family Guy
"I'm gonna tell Mom you said "crap.""
Family Guy
"No, I mean it. I could do it in three hours and idiots everywhere would buy it."
Family Guy
"- Well, why don't you? - Believe me, I would love to,"
Family Guy
"just to make a point, but I... I've given up writing."
Family Guy
"Yes, but you cared about what you wrote before."
Family Guy
"You don't care about this, so what does it matter?"
Family Guy
"Well, you do have a point."
Family Guy
"All right. Maybe I will."
Family Guy
"I don't know, Stewie, I kind of like to write in solitude."
Family Guy
"Ah, this is great."
Family Guy
"I can finally be alone with my thoughts."
Family Guy
"Wait, I've got it. Predator versus Batman."
Family Guy
"Why has no one done this? I need a pen, where's a pen?"
Family Guy
"Oh, right, I can't move. That's okay, I'll remember it."
Family Guy
"I mean, I can't forget a million-dollar idea like that."
Family Guy
"It's even better than the one yesterday about the guys who..."
Family Guy
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