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Clips from Seinfeld - The Implant (S04E04)

"No, it's not on."
Seinfeld
"- They'll call back. - George, what if it's an emergency?"
Seinfeld
"In the whole world right now there's maybe three emergencies."
Seinfeld
"What?"
Seinfeld
"Boy, I'm realy sweating."
Seinfeld
"Look at her."
Seinfeld
"I don't need to see her nak ed to know those aren't real."
Seinfeld
"I mean, why'd she even tie the towel around her?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, God. Sidra's taking the towel off."
Seinfeld
"Doctor."
Seinfeld
"That's it."
Seinfeld
"I knew it. I knew it. They're definitely fake."
Seinfeld
"This chick's playing with Confederate money."
Seinfeld
"Then that's it. That's the end of that."
Seinfeld
"- What? Just because that? - Just because of that?"
Seinfeld
"It's like finding out Mickey Mantle corked his bat."
Seinfeld
"You've dated women with nose jobs. What's the difference?"
Seinfeld
"You don't touch the nose. You don't aspire to reach the nose."
Seinfeld
"You don't unhook anything to get to a nose..."
Seinfeld
"...and no man has ever tried to look up a woman's nostrils."
Seinfeld
"You've put a lot of thought into this, haven't you?"
Seinfeld
"Well, I take it very seriously."
Seinfeld
"Sometimes when I think you're the shallowest man I've ever met..."
Seinfeld
"Well, I know what they feel like."
Seinfeld
"You? How do you know?"
Seinfeld
"Well, I lived in Los Angeles for three months."
Seinfeld
"- I thought you hated Los Angeles. - No, I do."
Seinfeld
"Just miss the warm weather, you know?"
Seinfeld
"Salman Rushdie."
Seinfeld
"- No. - Yeah, right."
Seinfeld
"Well, I could see that. You got five million Moslems after you."
Seinfeld
"I know what the problem is."
Seinfeld
"I like her too much. That's why I can't make a move."
Seinfeld
"- You put her on a pedestal. - I put them on a dental chair."
Seinfeld
"So you going to the funeral?"
Seinfeld
"It's a golden opportunity to advance the relationship."
Seinfeld
"She's crying. You put your arm around her and console her."
Seinfeld
"- I'm the consolation guy. - Consolation guy is big."
Seinfeld
"Her aunt dying is the best thing for you."
Seinfeld
"It's like 10 dates in one shot."
Seinfeld
"This confers upon you instant boyfriend status."
Seinfeld
"The family's there."
Seinfeld
"You're taking care of things. You're getting sandwiches. You're the rock."
Seinfeld
"It's in Detroit, though. It's an expensive flight."
Seinfeld
"What?"
Seinfeld
"Go to the airlines. Tell them that you have a death in the family..."
Seinfeld
"...they give you 50 percent off the fare."
Seinfeld
"- Really? - In fact..."
Seinfeld
"...listen, I'll go with you. We'll tell them there's a death in my family."
Seinfeld
"You buy the ticket. I'll split it."
Seinfeld
"Then I'll get the bonus miles and you'll get to Detroit for a quarter of the price."
Seinfeld
"Oh, look who's here. Silicon Valey."
Seinfeld
"Oh, so anyway. We go out on one date, and he asks me out for a second..."
Seinfeld
"...and then out of nowhere he calls me, cancels the date..."
Seinfeld
"Sorry. I couldn't help overhearing."
Seinfeld
"Yeah. He's going back to his old girlfriend."
Seinfeld
"Really?"
Seinfeld
"Said she's mentally ill."
Seinfeld
"He's one of those guys who is obsessed with neatness and order."
Seinfeld
"- Yes. How did you know? - I know the type."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, so you can relate? - Oh, yeah."
Seinfeld
"You know, I've seen you around the club. My name's Sidra. This is Marcy."
Seinfeld
"- ... and I fell right into her. - You fell on her?"
Seinfeld
"I touched them."
Seinfeld
"You what?"
Seinfeld
"I touched them."
Seinfeld
"If it hadn't been for them, I could have really injured myself."
Seinfeld
"Anyway..."
Seinfeld
"...they're real."
Seinfeld
"I think they might be real."
Seinfeld
"Oh, what do you know? You have no breast-touching experience."
Seinfeld
"Anyway, touching two breasts doesn't make you an expert."
Seinfeld
"All right. Anyway, I think they're real, and if they are, they are spectacular."
Seinfeld
"...my friend here, his aunt passed away last-"
Seinfeld
"Oh, I'm very sorry."
Seinfeld
"I saw her last week. She looked healthy and peaceful but she knew."
Seinfeld
"You poor thing."
Seinfeld
"You don't think you could buy the ticket yourself? Oh, no, okay."
Seinfeld
"- I couldn't- - No, please. There, there. You sit."
Seinfeld
"Yes. You have to pay the full fare now then return to one of our counters..."
Seinfeld
"The death certificate?"
Seinfeld
"What kind of a sick person would do a thing like that?"
Seinfeld
"You want my friend to ask his uncle, a man who lost his wife of 44 years..."
Seinfeld
"...the next they're real. I don't know what to believe."
Seinfeld
"Well, you were grabbing onto them to save your life."
Seinfeld
"If you were drowning and I threw you a life preserver..."
Seinfeld
"I don't mind a phony personality but I gotta draw the line somewhere."
Seinfeld
"- George off to Detroit? - Yep. And in two days..."
Seinfeld
"...I'm off to Puerto Rico."
Seinfeld
"...I saw that guy at the health club. That is not Salman Rushdie."
Seinfeld
"- There's Sidra. - There's Salman."
Seinfeld
"- To Sidra? - If that's Sidra, she's talking to Salman."
Seinfeld
"- If that's Rushdie, they're real. - If they're real, that's Rushdie."
Seinfeld
"- I gotta know. I'm talking to Sidra. - I gotta know. I'm talking to Salman."
Seinfeld
"- You've lived in the desert? - Oh, yeah. I've-"
Seinfeld
"I spent a little time in the Mideast."
Seinfeld
"You ever been to the Mideast?"
Seinfeld
"- Sal Bass. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"So..."
Seinfeld
"...what kind of work do you do?"
Seinfeld
"I'm a writer."
Seinfeld
"- Have you met my boyfriend, George? - No."
Seinfeld
"This is my boyfriend, George."
Seinfeld
"Oh, George, how nice of you to come all this way."
Seinfeld
"Well, I'm the boyfriend. Otherwise, what's the point of being the boyfriend."
Seinfeld
"This is where you have to be when you're the boyfriend."
Seinfeld
"Betsy, dear, have you had anything to eat?"
Seinfeld
"- I'm not very hungry. - They have some very nice snacks."
Seinfeld
"I'm about to get myself a snack."
Seinfeld
"I will get you a nice snack."
Seinfeld
"This is my..."
Seinfeld
"...third wake this month."
Seinfeld
"Never gets any easier."
Seinfeld
"Well, losing a loved one is-"
Seinfeld
"You seem to be of great comfort to Betsy. We're very appreciative."
Seinfeld
"Listen, Father, can I ask you a question?"
Seinfeld
"In a terrible time like this..."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, Jerry. - Oh, how can you be so sure?"
Seinfeld
"Jerry, are you blind? He's a writer. He said his name was Sal Bass."
Seinfeld
"Instead of salmon, he went with bass."
Seinfeld
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