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Clips from Arrested Development - Sword of Destiny (S02E02)

"But I know this Eastern medicine store, Ancient Chinese Secret."
Arrested Development
"- I sent Gob there for his migraines. - It's just a cramp. I'm fine."
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"Me quick, want slow. Wait, that's Indian."
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"Tea for dong."
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"Oh, yeah? You into magic?"
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"Sword of Destiny hundreds of years old."
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"Come with ancient story of warning and-"
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"Yeah, I make up my own patter. Just ring it up with the dong tea."
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"- Michael. Been lookin' for you. - Looks like you're looking for dragons, in the future."
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"I wouldn't mock the Sword of Destiny, Michael."
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"Careful with that, Gob."
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"- Bleeding? - Nope."
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"I need you to register as the magician, and I'm the lowly assistant."
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"Then we get on the stage, and you ram the Sword of Destiny into my belly."
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"Michael, if I make this comeback..."
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"- You're losing blood, aren't you? - Probably. My socks are wet."
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"Sorry."
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"- I don't have much time. - Get me behind that wheel."
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"Oh, no, you will not be behind the wheel."
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"You'll observe me while I demonstrate some things, okay?"
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"I'll be quizzing you too, hotshot. I'm gonna go grab the video camera."
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"Well, no, I need to learn."
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"Actually, Maeby had received a company car from the movie studio..."
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"where she was secretly posing as an executive."
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"- This is my demand. - when Michael found him."
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"What's the deal with the turban?"
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"Huh? Pretty smart, huh?"
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"Oh, hey, I heard about that reduced order. Those bastards."
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"You take this and play it. This will reassure them that someone is in charge."
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"Well, someone is in charge, Dad. I'm in charge. I've never even taken a sick day."
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"My presence needs to be, uh, reinstated."
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"Actually, Michael turned me down for the job."
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"- What? - Something to do with their housing order being cut back."
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"I'm the authority, so I will save the company."
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"And I say no videotape. Ooh!"
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"- You oughta take a sick day. Get out of that office. - Don't count on it, Dad."
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"And Michael was finally ready to make his son watch him drive."
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"you gotta jam on the gas pedal for about a minute, okay?"
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"But in order to slow this thing down..."
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"you gotta get immediately back on the brake pedal..."
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"'cause you got about two tons of stairs behind you."
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"We're gonna cover the hydraulic flaps and the riser system..."
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"after I tell you the basics about how to avoid a hop-on."
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"But the first thing we're gonna go over- Ow!"
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"I am ready and willing to step up and take over."
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"Yeah, and I'll get George Michael ready for his driving test."
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"I'm gonna teach him when I get out. And no one's taking over for me at the Bluth Company."
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"Well, you're wrong, because we're in crisis there."
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"They need to know that I'm in charge and I'm in con-"
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"I'm peeing. Am I peeing?"
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"I'm sorry. We gave you a little something to relax you."
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"It may have taken the tingle out of your genitals."
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"Oh, no. You're not taking care of my son."
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"I'm sorry to say this, but it's too late for me to do anything for your son."
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"- You're lucky. He's the best. - Well, only in the county."
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"- Appendix? - I don't buy it. Could be a hernia."
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"But if you don't trust my decisions-"
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"No, no, no. No. You're the doctor. You see, he's the authority here."
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"Okay, I'm going to put you on this machine to slow down your heart rate."
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"Hopefully not too slow, because it's already dangerously slow as it is."
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"Whatever you think, Doctor."
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"Meanwhile, Gob was still trying to arrange his comeback in magic."
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"So I'd be a magician and you'd be my assistant?"
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"The kind of trick that I can put on a DVD, like Tony Wonder does."
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"Tony Wonder had startled the world by baking himself into a loaf ofbread."
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"which many claimed suffered due to its pop-up ads. - Thanks."
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"I'm finally being treated like a real person, not some deformed-"
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"Hook! Forgot about that thing, Elephant Man."
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"Gonna have to figure out something to do so that people can look at you..."
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"That night, George Sr. Heard about Michael's illness."
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"- And how do we do that? - Booyah!"
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"And at the Gothic Castle..."
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"- Buster had been outfitted with a mechanical Halloween hand. - Whoa!"
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"Looks like you've got some dirty ears."
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"Tony Wonder!"
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"- Yeah. - Have some."
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"Oh, ho, ho. Magicians only."
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"I folded it up into some squares, and I put it in a pouch under my shirt..."
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"and then I pull it out, and I make it look like it came out of my skin."
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"- Wow, that sounds easy. - Keep it to yourself."
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"And good luck up there tonight. And you! You'll get there someday."
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"I don't even know how it happened. All right?"
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"Enjoy the Hanukkah cookie, man."
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"What a cool guy."
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"- Tobias had been sent to the office by George Sr. - My name is Dr. Tobias F¸nke..."
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"and they're as fresh and firm as a Georgia peach, so not to worry."
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"But before you all rise up and say, "Well, let's make this man our leader,""
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"well, I think that won't be necessary after you see this."
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"and was teaching George Michael to drive."
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"Sure you don't want me to watch you for a while?"
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"Driving is about confidence, George Michael. Jam on it! It feels great, right?"
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"Meanwhile, Buster and Gob had begun..."
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"the Sword of Destiny illusion at the Gothic Castle."
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"Stop it, Buster."
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"In this magic trick, I'm going to put a sword..."
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"- through my assistant's tummy. - No patter."
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"May I have the trick sword, please?"
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"It's a real sword, master."
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"Oh-ho!"
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"- Ooh! Hoo, hoo, hoo! - We've got 'em. I'm gonna milk this for a minute."
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"My hand! My hand!"
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"And the audience wasn't the only one impressed by the performance."
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"Bravo. Hey, give us a sec, would you, Candida?"
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"My brother's widow. It's- up."
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"The "How'd he do dats?" ate it up."
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"Sorry. That's what we call the audience."
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"No, l-I know- I know about all that. Used to have a solo act."
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"There was talk of boiling me into a bisque at one point."
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"Not registering. But you hitched your wagon to the right star."
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"- I want you guys on my next DVD. - You want us for Use Your Illusion?"
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"Actually, some band has got the rights to that title."
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"So, I'm thinkin', like, Use Your Illusion II."
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"But, yeah, meet me out there tomorrow. And, uh, if you get thirsty-"
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"- It's a Subway Sub Club card. - That's a magician."
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"Michael hadjust come around from his appendectomy."
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"- I was going to videotape that hop-on. - Hey, Dad. How're you feeling?"
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"Bad, George Michael. I just found out Lindsay's teaching you how to drive."
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"Yeah. She's still trying to get the stairs unwedged from the emergency room overhang."
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"I was gonna teach you. Just forget everything she told you, and we'll start over."
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"Oh, for God's sake. Tobias is right."
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