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Clips from Seinfeld - The Phone Message (S02E02)

"- Really? - I have no patience for lactose..."
Seinfeld
"...and I won't stand for it."
Seinfeld
"I'll be right back."
Seinfeld
"Wait till you hear this."
Seinfeld
"I'm sorry. I had no idea..."
Seinfeld
"I wanted to talk to him for a minute, but I'll come back."
Seinfeld
"You don't have to leave."
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"- You sure? - Yes."
Seinfeld
"Okay."
Seinfeld
"He told you that?"
Seinfeld
"We were talking about that commercial. In fact..."
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"He never discusses anything. He's..."
Seinfeld
"So you tell your friends I'm not hip because I like that commercial."
Seinfeld
"What?"
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"- What did you say? - Say? What? Nothing."
Seinfeld
"So what if I said that?"
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"You didn't have to tell your friends."
Seinfeld
"No, I had to tell my friends. My friends didn't have to tell you."
Seinfeld
"Why'd you have to get me in trouble?"
Seinfeld
"I don't like you talking about me behind my back."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, boy. - I said I couldn't believe you liked..."
Seinfeld
"...that commercial. So what?"
Seinfeld
"I asked some friends this weekend, all of them like the commercial."
Seinfeld
"Boy, I bet you got a regular Algonquin Round Table there."
Seinfeld
"Hey."
Seinfeld
"Kramer, this is Donna."
Seinfeld
"- Cotton Dockers! - Hello."
Seinfeld
"We should be going. Come on."
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"- What? Where are we going? - Don't bother. I'm leaving."
Seinfeld
"You're making too much of this."
Seinfeld
"One hundred percent cotton Dockers."
Seinfeld
"If they're not Dockers, they're just pants."
Seinfeld
"I don't wanna hear it."
Seinfeld
"I can't believe I said that."
Seinfeld
"You know me. I'm a vault."
Seinfeld
"Don't worry, it wasn't working anyway."
Seinfeld
"You're not gonna believe what's going on with this woman."
Seinfeld
"You remember I made the initial call Sunday."
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"She doesn't call back."
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"I call again Monday."
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"I leave another message."
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"I call Tuesday, I get the machine again."
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"I know you're there. I don't know what your story is."
Seinfeld
"Yesterday, I'm a volcano."
Seinfeld
"The machine comes on, and I let fly like Mussolini from the balcony."
Seinfeld
"Where the hell do you get the nerve?"
Seinfeld
"I don't like coffee. I don't have to come up!"
Seinfeld
"I'd like to get one more shot at the coffee so I can spit it in your face!"
Seinfeld
"- You said that? - I lost it."
Seinfeld
"I can't blame you. I can't believe she never called you back."
Seinfeld
"Today."
Seinfeld
"She said she's been in the Hamptons since Sunday."
Seinfeld
"And she doesn't have the beeper for it."
Seinfeld
"- She didn't get the messages. - Exactly. But they're on there waiting."
Seinfeld
"She can't wait to see me, we're having dinner tonight."
Seinfeld
"But what about the messages?"
Seinfeld
"Elaine's thing?"
Seinfeld
"How you gonna get in?"
Seinfeld
"I'll meet her outside the building."
Seinfeld
"But you know as soon as she gets in, she's going for that machine."
Seinfeld
"Unless she goes for the bathroom, that's my only chance."
Seinfeld
"I don't know how to work the stupid machines."
Seinfeld
"There's nothing to it. You lift the lid. It comes right out."
Seinfeld
"- You do it for me. - What?"
Seinfeld
"Come on. It'll be so much easier."
Seinfeld
"How are you gonna get me up there?"
Seinfeld
"I'll tell her I bumped into you. I'm giving you a ride uptown."
Seinfeld
"- Who makes the switch? - You do."
Seinfeld
"- I do. - I can't do it."
Seinfeld
"I'll keep her busy."
Seinfeld
"I think I may be in love with this woman."
Seinfeld
"Did you call me a wuss?"
Seinfeld
"Well, there is traffic."
Seinfeld
"It might take her till 8: 15."
Seinfeld
"I got one problem. You're keeping her busy in the other room."
Seinfeld
"Now what if she somehow gets away from you and is coming in?"
Seinfeld
"You have to signal me that she's coming."
Seinfeld
"...l'll call out Tippy-toe!"
Seinfeld
"Tippy-toe?"
Seinfeld
"I don't think so."
Seinfeld
"- You don't like tippy-toe? - No tippy-toe."
Seinfeld
"All right."
Seinfeld
"Okay. I got it."
Seinfeld
"- I'll sing. - What song?"
Seinfeld
"How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?"
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"- What is that? - It's a lovely song."
Seinfeld
"Got anything else?"
Seinfeld
"You pick it."
Seinfeld
"- Lemon Tree. - Peter, Paul and Mary?"
Seinfeld
"No. Trini Lopez."
Seinfeld
"You got the tape?"
Seinfeld
"Not at all."
Seinfeld
"Get up, get up. It's her."
Seinfeld
"To hell with this! I'm scared. Walk away. Cancel everything."
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"Hey, what are you doing here?"
Seinfeld
"I was supposed to call you when I got home."
Seinfeld
"I couldn't wait. I was too anxious to see you."
Seinfeld
"That's so sweet."
Seinfeld
"This is my friend, Jerry Seinfeld."
Seinfeld
"I just bumped into him around the corner."
Seinfeld
"- All the time. - Nice to meet you."
Seinfeld
"Hi."
Seinfeld
"So I'm starving. Where are we gonna eat?"
Seinfeld
"You know, we could go uptown..."
Seinfeld
"...and that way we can give Jerry a ride home."
Seinfeld
"Okay. Let's go. I'm ready. Where'd you park?"
Seinfeld
"Don't you want to go upstairs first?"
Seinfeld
"No. What for? I'll just give my bag to the doorman."
Seinfeld
"You know..."
Seinfeld
"There's a bathroom in the coffee shop just next door."
Seinfeld
"Yes. Yes."
Seinfeld
"- But I have to make a call, so... - Well, they have a phone."
Seinfeld
"I know Jerry."
Seinfeld
"He has this phobia about public toilets."
Seinfeld
"I think we really should go upstairs."
Seinfeld
"You know, I think I will go upstairs."
Seinfeld
"I can check my machine."
Seinfeld
"Right."
Seinfeld
"The bathroom's down the hall to the right."
Seinfeld
"...why don't you go first? You just had a long trip."
Seinfeld
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