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Clips from Archer - Fugue and Riffs (S04E04)

"Guys. Fake mustache, yay or nay? Yay."
Archer
"Geez, what's up your butt? Nothing is up my butt, Cyril."
Archer
"Because I'm paralyzed from the waist down and it's Archer's fault."
Archer
"Ah, getting some mileage out of that, huh?"
Archer
"Remember, you have to pretend you don't have a history together."
Archer
"I always do."
Archer
"Ooh. Or an ostrich."
Archer
"Remind me why I let you idiots come."
Archer
"Free rooms. Because the only thing you are more than mean is cheap."
Archer
"Just because you own this place-- I think I own the conglomerate..."
Archer
"His what?"
Archer
"I've been under a lot of stress. I'm not Jewish."
Archer
"Wait. You're on the run too? No, I--"
Archer
"Bob, have you ever heard of ISIS? From the Shazam/Isis Hour TV show?"
Archer
"No, the-- God, remember Shazam?"
Archer
"Wait, who's the actor that played Billy Batson?"
Archer
"Remember, he'd go, "Shazam!""
Archer
"...and I'm one of-- Well, frankly, I'm their best agent."
Archer
"Wait, why are you at the same spa as me? I... Uh... Uh..."
Archer
"Not even the best agent at this pool."
Archer
"Okay, he's gone."
Archer
"What? Oh, my God."
Archer
"Krieger, I'm really having second thoughts about your so-called plan."
Archer
"This isn't The Flintstones, we can't whang him in the head with a frying pan."
Archer
"Sorry, I'm trying, it's just, TEC-9's are awesome."
Archer
"KREGER'. Remember, ease him into it. Like a-- MALORY'."
Archer
"Enough with the gimp suits!"
Archer
"Sorry, I don't know what's happening, this is all crazy."
Archer
"Russian spies who think my name is Archer are trying to kill me?"
Archer
"I speak Russian?"
Archer
"What? Right here, take your best shot."
Archer
"I'm not gonna hit you."
Archer
"But I warned you."
Archer
"Shut up. Sorry."
Archer
"Well, neither are you, so-- To reiterate, I am paralyzed."
Archer
"You know... There's a niche. All right, you two, you're on."
Archer
"So try against all odds not to cock it up."
Archer
"Yeah, but then I wouldn't get to hang out with everybody at work."
Archer
"The hatred. Yes, Pam. The hatred."
Archer
"...so is ISIS hiring, or...? No."
Archer
"Okay. So just because I don't wanna bang you, automatically I'm a lesbian?"
Archer
"I do not, have-- She-Hulk, then, whatever, they're--"
Archer
"Alter-ego of She-Hulk, what?"
Archer
"KGB agents, 12 o'clock. What?"
Archer
"And prepare to die, Sterling Archer."
Archer
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph Stalin."
Archer
"What?"
Archer
"No, no, you don't know my-- Why do you know the KGB guy's name?"
Archer
"- Ugh. Because... Buh-buh-bup-bup!"
Archer
"Gimp suit!' U n less ..."
Archer
"Oh, for-- If I'm KGB, why is the KGB shooting at me?"
Archer
"Ray, we are Code Zulu."
Archer
"- Code Zulu is only for real emergencies. - Ray! Ray!"
Archer
"I'm off to get a seaweed wrap. Didn't know they made sushi with dried clams."
Archer
"- What was that? - The real KGB is here."
Archer
"What was that? I can't hear you over the sound of:"
Archer
"And, uh, speaking of drinks... These aren't to drink, dumb-ass."
Archer
"Krieger, we need suppressing fire."
Archer
"They don't know that. Duh!"
Archer
"Burn."
Archer
"Why did you rip off my shirt? To make the fuses. Duh!"
Archer
"When there's a huge stack of bar towels right freaking there!"
Archer
"And, follow-up, why did you also rip off my bikini top?"
Archer
"Slingshot."
Archer
"Damn it, they're gonna flank us. So you wanna throw that today?"
Archer
"Here, hold this. I don't wanna hold the damn..."
Archer
"Uh-- I think that works--"
Archer
"Did you see that? Yes."
Archer
"Here, keep throwing them."
Archer
"- What in the...? Is that smoke? - Duh!"
Archer
"Are you out of your mind? Damn near."
Archer
"Gracias, Julio, you are the man."
Archer
"And you are also fired."
Archer
"...but all of my companies have a zero-tolerance drug policy."
Archer
"You hypocrite cooze, I just watched you eat a whole bag of LSD gummy bears."
Archer
"No, dipshit, of the entire hotel chain."
Archer
"Multinational Hotels Incorporated?"
Archer
"Damn it. I have to pay for these rooms."
Archer
"Krieger, what's happening? His mind-brain is permanently rejecting..."
Archer
"...his real identity."
Archer
"You're my wife. Linda. And I'm Bob."
Archer
"I am Bob and I make burgers."
Archer
"Burger Bob. Bob. Bob. Burger, burger."
Archer
"Bob, honey, I need you to get down!"
Archer
"Yes, down to the store for cheese. For the Emile Gorgonzola Burger."
Archer
"Ow!"
Archer
"...with the KGB armed with a fricking cap gun."
Archer
"Because, unfortunately, we were trying to cure your--"
Archer
"Psychogenic retrograde amnesia. Duh!"
Archer
"Such a fragile mystery. Krieger, one more word..."
Archer
"...and I'll make you wish they never scraped you out of Hitler's drawers."
Archer
"Aw. Ew."
Archer
"But do you remember why you ran away from home this time?"
Archer
"Where is the limo going? I guess wherever Mr. Archer said to."
Archer
"Absolutely ruined, because of you. I said I was sorry, Mother."
Archer
"Happiest day of my life. Wait, wasn't that the day I was born?"
Archer
"You think that compares to a dream wedding to Ron Cadillac..."
Archer
"...the biggest Cadillac dealer in New York?"
Archer
"Hiya, gang. Oh, Ron. Thank you for coming so quickly."
Archer
"Phrasing. First. Boom!"
Archer
"And how's my lady love? Infinitely better now."
Archer
"I bet, now that you found Sterling. She was just worried sick about you."
Archer
"Well, not sick. How the heck are you, son?"
Archer
"Well, all's well that ends well."
Archer
"Yeah, I don't think it does, though. Uh, no shit."
Archer
"...when you didn't even know who you were..."
Archer
"Could be, Other Barry, could be."
Archer
"...apparently it's impossible to kill that idiot from fricking space."
Archer
"Uh, well... Uh-uh-uh. Let me stop you there..."
Archer
"...in case you were about to say there has been a setback."
Archer
"Because that's what Dr. Benes and Dr. Hathaway kept saying."
Archer
"Remember those guys? They were working with you guys on my new spaceship..."
Archer
"...and I murdered them?"
Archer
"Do you think that's wise?"
Archer
"Is everything--? Everything's fine."
Archer
"Look, the Hambledurger wasn't a big seller, so there's not much."
Archer
"...where'd you learn to do that? I don't know. It was like instinct."
Archer
"I don't know. He called me Archer, maybe they think I'm somebody else."
Archer
"Because the other 18 hours, I'm slaving over this hot-ass grill."
Archer
"You guys aren't safe if I'm around. But, Bobby--"
Archer
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