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Clips from Archer - Fugue and Riffs (S04E04)

"I'm also probably gonna do a spa weekend."
Archer
"Bu h-bu h-bu h-bu p-bu p-bu p-bu p-bu p."
Archer
"Said the fake scientist."
Archer
"And if Archer's real identity is exposed to him too suddenly..."
Archer
"tequila, Cointreau, lime juice, ice, kosher salt."
Archer
"And thanks. I just need to rest a minute."
Archer
"Like her. She's totally checking me out."
Archer
"Ew. Ew."
Archer
"Give it time."
Archer
"- Will you shut up? - Sorry."
Archer
"I'm a fry-cook but I know all about guns?"
Archer
"- I think you literally broke my heart. - Aw."
Archer
"Specifically these two."
Archer
"- Ha. Did you say "Gay-GB"? - Aw."
Archer
"Man, if I was you I'd be at this spa 25/8."
Archer
"It's the only thing that gets me out of bed."
Archer
"Arch-- Bob! What, Jennifer Walters?"
Archer
"Why do we have fake bullets? Yeah, Krieger. Why do we?"
Archer
"Inappropriate. Suppressing fire!"
Archer
"Just throw the damn thing!"
Archer
"Whoa, I am getting some major déja vu here."
Archer
"Cocktail Molotov!"
Archer
"Whoo! Another one!"
Archer
"Right? And I am tripping bear balls."
Archer
"Aw. General manager? Of the spa?"
Archer
"- Well? - Well, what?"
Archer
"I, uh... We haven't, um-- Yes, we have, Lana."
Archer
"Mind-brain? That's a thing, shut up. Uh, Lana?"
Archer
"Who did you think I was? You, unfortunately."
Archer
"Wait, so you remember you had amnesia?"
Archer
"From a wedding."
Archer
"Oh, my God, it's all coming back to me now."
Archer
"No, I mean, the KGB found you at a burger joint..."
Archer
"Even if you have a..."
Archer
"Damn it, Krieger, did you drug me? You don't remember?"
Archer
"I'm serious. I want it on record that I think this is a terrible plan."
Archer
"Aw, why, is your vagina bothering you? Okay. I see what you're doing."
Archer
"Think it's the mustache? It's not helping."
Archer
"Internal power struggle? Damn it. Ray."
Archer
"Hamilton Beach 727 DrinkMaster."
Archer
"Will you...? Bob!"
Archer
"Linda? Linda."
Archer
"Wait, yeah, how did they do that?"
Archer
"Bob! Oh, my God, are you guys okay?"
Archer
"We're shooting blanks. Duh!"
Archer
"So I have a question."
Archer
"It feels like my brain's exploding."
Archer
"Do svidaniya, Archer."
Archer
"Fine, awful, whatever, great."
Archer
"Especially now that the door's locked."
Archer
"...but just please don't hurt my family. He means we're not robbers."
Archer
"Oh. Well, then, what do you want? You."
Archer
"I should have started that with "Archer's fine.""
Archer
"Oh, shut up."
Archer
"Well, excuse me, Ike Turner. Jeez."
Archer
"But, uh-- We don't want money."
Archer
"Somebody who gambles? When would I gamble, Linda?"
Archer
"Why do I feel like..."
Archer
"Aah! Ow!"
Archer
"Yes, Lana, I'm going with coincidence."
Archer
"What the hell is your problem?"
Archer
"Oh, my God. Okay, yes, you can rub them..."
Archer
"Like a big brown giraffe."
Archer
"...and why Russian people want him dead."
Archer
"...that owns the holding company that owns the hotel chain."
Archer
"This is fake, I just wear it to fend off the cougars."
Archer
"Oh, and plus I'm a total badass at hand-to-hand combat?"
Archer
"Okay, KGB agents, I want you to reach into your jackets very slowly and--"
Archer
"You hate everybody at work. I know."
Archer
"Well, however you pronounce it. Argh!"
Archer
"Whoo!"
Archer
"Michael Gray was Billy Batson on Shazam!"
Archer
"ISIS is the International Secret Intelligence Service..."
Archer
"We have to ease him back into it, like a latex gimp suit."
Archer
"Okay, kids, who wants Manning Coleslaw?"
Archer
"What? No!"
Archer
"Well, if that's the way you-- What are you doing, you're not leaving?"
Archer
"His what?"
Archer
"Yeah, it works, right?"
Archer
"Ooh! Here's an idea, why don't you just saw your goddamn head off?"
Archer
"Oh, and sorry about the Auschwitz crack."
Archer
"Forget I said that. It's dangerous, and you're married."
Archer
"Yes. No. I mean, uh, please feel free to always do that."
Archer
"I'm glad I could help. Uh, I could use more help."
Archer
"Oh, give it a rest, lronsides. Burn."
Archer
"“YER."
Archer
"Duh. Okay, the first thing we need to do is search the entire spa for--"
Archer
"What, as opposed to the fake KGB? Actually, yes, and also--"
Archer
"Heh. And, wait, how are they a superpower?"
Archer
"How do you not remember that show?"
Archer
"Oh, I get it. You're not into guys."
Archer
"Because those guys are the real KGB!"
Archer
"What the shit, Lana? Archer? Wait, are you you?"
Archer
"Burn."
Archer
"Drive, shit-heel."
Archer
"Technically the whole tri-state area."
Archer
"What do they want? Hambledurgers."
Archer
"Why are Russians trying to kill you?"
Archer
"Now take me to that spa. And we'll just see how this amnesia holds up..."
Archer
"...sometimes triggered by extreme emotional or psychological stress."
Archer
"Oh, or maybe there is. I wouldn't know."
Archer
"Right? So why are you on the run?"
Archer
"I've been on the run-- I mean, on the go, and--"
Archer
"Um, uh, wow."
Archer
"Wait, how did I know these are called TEC-9's? Uh, well..."
Archer
"Speaking of, you see the bulge on that towel boy?"
Archer
"This spy stuff is awesome, and I bet I'd be totally awesome at it..."
Archer
"For the last time, assholes."
Archer
"- Drop your weapons. - Oh, shit."
Archer
"Oh, my God, you're KGB."
Archer
"Code Zulu? She knows better than that."
Archer
"Yeah, she's laying it on pretty thick. Well, you're in charge here."
Archer
"Ray! Ray! What the hell is that sound?"
Archer
"Oh, my God, double duh, right? Huh?"
Archer
"Wait, wait a minute."
Archer
"Ew. That is a lot creamier than I remembered."
Archer
"Ruined."
Archer
"But mostly mortified that he ruined our wedding."
Archer
"Linda, you heard him. Whoever they are, he said they'd keep coming."
Archer
"Hi, I'm Bob. Lana Kane."
Archer
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