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Clips from Married with Children - Requiem for a Dead Barber (S03E03)

"in the middle of the night"
Married with Children
"and steal all our roses?"
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"Steve, I've never been so insulted in my life."
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"Well, then I guess this isn't your watch."
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"So who died?"
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"A close family member?"
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"No, worse. My barber."
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"It hit me pretty hard, too."
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"Now, who am I going to get"
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"to cut my hair?"
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"Well, why don't you"
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"just do what you do with your lawn?"
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"Thanks, Marce,"
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"but much like the hair on your legs,"
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"why don't you just go to my barber?"
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"Well, thanks, Steve,"
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"Dad, why don't you just go to Kelly's guy,"
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"Or you could always go to Bud's guy"
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"at the Pimple Emporium."
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"Ask for Mr. Squeeze-It."
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"Look how I live."
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"Come on, Al,"
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"the kids'll think you're serious."
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"Anyway, you can get your hair cut anywhere."
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"There are thousands of stylists in this city."
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"Yeah, stylists."
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"I want a barber with a barber pole,"
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"Where am I going to see a sight like that again, Peg?"
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"Look next to me while I'm sleeping."
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"Al, why don't you"
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"just find some guy with good hair"
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"and ask him where he gets it cut?"
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"Sure, I'll compliment him on his great hair,"
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"on my bedroom eyes,"
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"and we'll live together and make terrariums."
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"I'm going upstairs to be alone with my grief."
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"Well, make sure to pull up the Air Wick."
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"Well, I gave Buck a nice big dish of water."
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"Now I'm gonna take him for a walk on Tony's grave."
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"He didn't get to go to the funeral,"
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"but I know he wants to say goodbye"
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"in his own special way."
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"He's quite a little guy, isn't he?"
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"Gee, Al seems to be taking this pretty badly."
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"Death is something"
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"you're never really prepared for."
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"I mean, one minute, you're in perfect health,"
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"and then the next minute, poof!"
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"Al's dead."
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"Gee, and I'd be left with no income"
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"and no insurance."
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"What would I do?"
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"Get a job?"
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"No, I said, what would I do?"
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"I mean, of course I would remarry,"
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"but that could take up to nine months..."
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"and what if Al didn't die till I was in my 40s?"
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"Then where would I be?"
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"Well, thank God"
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"Why, he's worth more dead than he is alive."
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"Well, so is Al."
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"You know,"
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"what with food stamps and welfare and all."
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"How much is yours worth dead?"
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"A cool mill."
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"Wow."
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"What I could do with a million dollars."
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"knowing he's worth that much,"
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"have you ever,"
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"thought about..."
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"But all this is pie in the sky."
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"Peggy, you really should get insurance for Al."
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"I thought"
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"I was only insured for $250,000."
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"I know an insurance group"
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"but will also raise your coverage"
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"without your husband even knowing."
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"I thought we were going to discuss things"
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"that affect us both."
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"You'll be dead."
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"Anyhow, Peggy, all you need"
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"is for Al to give a sample of his blood and urine,"
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"and you're home."
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"Hmm."
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"I could just put a little cup"
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"five feet from the bowl..."
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"But the blood is gonna be tough."
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"I could use a million, though."
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"We all could."
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"Well, we have to go."
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"Steve has to sweep out the gutters,"
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"and I'm going to hold the ladder for him."
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"I love you, Marcy."
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"That's nice, dear."
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""First name," Al."
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""Last name," Bundy."
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""Sex," not worth mentioning."
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"Peg,"
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"the darnedest thing..."
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"when I woke up, my neck was bleeding..."
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"And there was a--"
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"There was a jar between my legs."
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"Well, uh,"
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"maybe you dreamt you were making preserves."
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"Yeah, that must be it."
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"Peg, who am I gonna get to cut my hair?"
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"I called all my friends last night."
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"What did he say?"
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"He said,"
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""Yeah, I'm still in San Quentin for killing the wife,"
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"but it was worth it.""
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"And the rest of them said"
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"that they're gonna start going to...salons."
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"construction workers, auto mechanics."
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"Oh, unlike you, skilled illiterates."
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"Come on, honey."
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"What's wrong with going to salons?"
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"Do they have"
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"regular checker games in salons, Peg?"
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"Do they run the numbers in salons, Peg?"
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