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Clips from Married with Children - Requiem for a Dead Barber (S03E03)

"Nobody lives forever."
Married with Children
"Why couldn't it have been somebody"
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"Well, I'm sure there's still someone alive"
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"who can cut all 12 of your remaining hairs"
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"The whole family gathered some coal and a carrot,"
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"Going to Tony was a family tradition."
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"I had to tell Tony Bud died."
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"That's the kind of guy Tony was."
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"but I wanted to wait till they packed the dirt"
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"Who else would let him put a cereal bowl on their head"
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"Bud, your father's right."
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"for my barber."
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"and promised to have a real dead body in it..."
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"Al, I know you were at a funeral and all,"
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"so this might be a bad time to bring this up,"
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"Park your car on it, and let it die."
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"I need the help of a trained professional."
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"Look, Al,"
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"Mr. Albino?"
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"Usually, you're a big thing"
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"with a little dog that lays on the floor"
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"and scratches and bites at his fleas."
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"Well, it does make you think."
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"Hey, Marcy,"
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"Uh, honey..."
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"Steve, please. This is girl talk."
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"This doesn't affect you, Steve."
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"Uh..."
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"Hey, Peg, these are plumbers,"
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"Last night you were snoring,"
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"Do you think I like fat guys in granny glasses"
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"But I'm trying to make a statement here."
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"I'm saying,"
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"They take the pinball machine, give you video games."
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"Because we just might be able to collect."
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"could hit a cat over the head"
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"I quit."
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"I'm going to a salon."
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"Hi."
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"Relax."
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"So, what do you think about those Bears?"
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"Well, if people wouldn't feed them,"
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"Oh, yes."
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"Just relax."
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"Oh, that's good."
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"Hey, man."
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"Mr. Luscious won't let me put on my construction hat."
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"You look good, Al."
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"and give each other spankings?"
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"[ALL CLICKING TONGUES]"
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"Look at-- This is a mess."
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"Let's go."
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"We're going dancing."
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"I mean, I know Kelly is Dad's natural daughter..."
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"It was a nice funeral, wasn't it, Al?"
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"Come on, honey."
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"Come on."
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"He's dead, Peg."
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"He's dead."
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"What am I gonna do now?"
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"I thought he would."
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"He had a nice full life."
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"Now, be strong, Al."
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"You're just gonna have to face the fact."
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"Your barber is dead."
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"Why did it have to be him,"
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"who meant so much to so many?"
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"nobody would have missed,"
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"a wretch of a human being?"
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"Why couldn't it have been your mother?"
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"for a buck and a quarter."
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"It wasn't the money, Peg."
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"Tony knew my hair, and he cared."
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"Remember that time"
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"I had that bad case of dandruff in '83?"
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"Yeah, I remember."
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"and we made Frosty the Dandruff Man."
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"Tony was there"
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"to hold my hand through that rough time."
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"I went to him."
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"I took Bud to him..."
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"till the other kids started calling him"
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""Bud the Bowl Head.""
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"It broke my heart when Bud refused to go."
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"We wept together."
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"Everybody loved him."
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"Sorry I'm late,"
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"over the old butcher."
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"That old butcher cried when you died, Bud."
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"I'll bet he did."
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"while he said,"
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""I'm a-gonna make you look like Sinatra.""
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"We should show a little respect, even for the hated dead,"
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"and like my mother said when I married your father,"
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""If you can't feel it, fake it.""
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"Yeah, and if you don't care anymore, marry it."
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"Now, I'd like a moment of silence"
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"Excuse me."
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"Amen."
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"Well,"
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"I can get out of these funeral clothes."
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"Oh, Dad,"
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"you know how"
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"I've been bothering you about a sports car?"
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"Well, forget it."
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"I want a hearse."
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"I was just cruising around the cemetery"
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"with Boris, the driver."
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"Oh, God, was it cool."
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"On Friday night, he's taking me out"
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"But Mom said it's wrong to use a guy for his hearse,"
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"so can I have one of my own, please?"
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"Well, Al,"
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"she has been doing better in school."
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"Why am I thinking they buried the wrong guy?"
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"Cheer up, honey."
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"Your day will come."
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"And when it does, you'll be glad we have that hearse."
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"[DOORBELL RINGS]"
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"but did you happen to come into our yard"
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