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Clips from How I Met Your Mother - Twelve Horny Women (S08E08)

"It all started when a so-called friend from law school..."
How I Met Your Mother
"when, in reality, he stole my firm's strategy..."
How I Met Your Mother
"What happened to you? You used to be like the nicest guy ever."
How I Met Your Mother
"And I'll always cherish that."
How I Met Your Mother
"That's why I'm gonna kick your ass in this trial."
How I Met Your Mother
"♪ ♪ [Ends]"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Good to see you. - You too."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Ted Narrating] They pretended it never happened."
How I Met Your Mother
"so we could be in that courtroom to support him."
How I Met Your Mother
"Barney, massive hemorrhoids."
How I Met Your Mother
"Why did you have to say "massive"?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- [Laughing] - I don't have... Shut up."
How I Met Your Mother
"- [Scoffs] - I'm serious."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Siren Wailing In Distance]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Uh, my mom says I'm only allowed three friends, so..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Your mom don't make the rules no more, Scooter."
How I Met Your Mother
"Uh! Here he is. The pride of St. Cloud."
How I Met Your Mother
"- [Cheering] - How you feeling, counselor?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Sorry, buddy. - I don't have..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Man, you're wise."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Laughs]"
How I Met Your Mother
"[Ted Narrating] The next day, we all headed down to court..."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Ted] Yeah."
How I Met Your Mother
"I was locked up plenty of times as a teenager."
How I Met Your Mother
"Make sure you get my good side, princess."
How I Met Your Mother
"Scooter, do you smell bacon?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Ha!"
How I Met Your Mother
"[Chuckles]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Marshall's gonna wipe the floor with this ding-dong."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Clatters On Floor]"
How I Met Your Mother
"The biggest case of my life, and I'd already lost the jury."
How I Met Your Mother
"Ladies and... ladies of the jury..."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm sorry if I seem down."
How I Met Your Mother
"[All] Ohh."
How I Met Your Mother
"Next, Brad brought out his "expert witness.""
How I Met Your Mother
"medicine that you or I would have to pay a fortune for..."
How I Met Your Mother
"[All Giggling]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Little Paddles here just spent three months being nursed back to health."
How I Met Your Mother
"Gruber Pharmaceuticals."
How I Met Your Mother
"[All Gasping]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Yep. I edit stuff too."
How I Met Your Mother
"- [Knocking] - ♪♪ [Stereo: Pop]"
How I Met Your Mother
"[Screams]"
How I Met Your Mother
"[All] Yeah!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Man, that Z.U. I. Drove my insurance through the roof."
How I Met Your Mother
"- [Scratching] - Mr. Eriksen?"
How I Met Your Mother
"[No Audible Dialogue]"
How I Met Your Mother
"[All Gasping]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Rash!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Uh, anyway, all that was left was the verdict."
How I Met Your Mother
"You have a wi..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Guilty. Ciao."
How I Met Your Mother
"So you don't know the bailiff because you were a badass."
How I Met Your Mother
"You know him because you guys were in a nerd club together."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Shutter Clicks]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Sorry I failed, Son."
How I Met Your Mother
"The truth is, you can fight your whole life to do good and still get nowhere."
How I Met Your Mother
"Later that night, some good did ripple out."
How I Met Your Mother
"to fight for the little guy."
How I Met Your Mother
"I told him I'd take every last bit of manipulation, deception and accidental pen-dropping..."
How I Met Your Mother
"And thank God we were, because..."
How I Met Your Mother
"because judges are the ones who can effect real change."
How I Met Your Mother
"Me neither."
How I Met Your Mother
"So let me just say this."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm gonna get us two drinks."
How I Met Your Mother
"Badass."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Ted Narrating] Kids, this is a story about the time your Uncle Marshall..."
How I Met Your Mother
"went before the New York State Judiciary Committee..."
How I Met Your Mother
"a panel that would decide the fate of his career."
How I Met Your Mother
"He thought he'd open with an icebreaker."
How I Met Your Mother
"By the way, did I mention those robes really do you all... justice?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm just saying that you're all guilty... of looking sharp."
How I Met Your Mother
"Mr. Eriksen, please."
How I Met Your Mother
"You're here to discuss your conduct in court..."
How I Met Your Mother
"during the week of November 19, 2012."
How I Met Your Mother
"Of course, Your Honor."
How I Met Your Mother
"conned me into believing that he needed my help getting a job..."
How I Met Your Mother
"for our upcoming trial against Gruber Pharmaceuticals..."
How I Met Your Mother
"who'd been polluting a lake upstate."
How I Met Your Mother
"Turns out, he was representing Gruber."
How I Met Your Mother
"Win this case or you're fired, Eriksen."
How I Met Your Mother
"How could you trick me like that?"
How I Met Your Mother
"This is the biggest trial of my career."
How I Met Your Mother
"Mine too, bro beans."
How I Met Your Mother
"When I win this trial, I'm gonna buy a new car. Thinking Lambo."
How I Met Your Mother
"We were bros. More than bros."
How I Met Your Mother
"We ate brunch together."
How I Met Your Mother
"But after Kara broke my heart again for the millionth time..."
How I Met Your Mother
"I said, "Screw being nice.""
How I Met Your Mother
"Suited up and started lying to get what I want."
How I Met Your Mother
"That does happen. But you used to want to fight for the little guy."
How I Met Your Mother
"Little guys pay with little checks."
How I Met Your Mother
"But you already know that. You're in environmental law."
How I Met Your Mother
"Marshall, you have a kid."
How I Met Your Mother
"How are you gonna provide for the little dude's futche?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm worried about planet Earth's futche!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Sure, you may have swiped our entire strategy for this case..."
How I Met Your Mother
"but I still got some tricks up my sleeve that you know absolutely nothing about."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Really? - No."
How I Met Your Mother
"♪ ♪ [Upbeat Pop]"
How I Met Your Mother
"[Ted Narrating] Kids, Robin and Barney..."
How I Met Your Mother
"had recently shared an awkward moment."
How I Met Your Mother
"Whoa. Whoa."
How I Met Your Mother
"After that, they did what any two mature adults would do."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Hey! - Hey!"
How I Met Your Mother
"- How are you? - Great. You?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Good. So good. - Oh, great."
How I Met Your Mother
"That is why it's so great that we all called in sick to work tomorrow..."
How I Met Your Mother
"- I didn't call in sick. - I called in for all of us."
How I Met Your Mother
"Uh, I have strep throat. Robin, bronchitis."
How I Met Your Mother
"If you're gonna miss work for hemorrhoids, they kind of have to be massive."
How I Met Your Mother
"I don't wanna sit in a courtroom all day."
How I Met Your Mother
"I bet you don't wanna sit anywhere with those hemorrhoids."
How I Met Your Mother
"Look, you guys wouldn't understand..."
How I Met Your Mother
"but when you have a rap sheet as long as mine..."
How I Met Your Mother
"the last place you want to spend a day is in court."
How I Met Your Mother
"- [Chuckles] "Rap sheet"? - That's right."
How I Met Your Mother
"- When I was a teenager, Lily, I was a total badass. - [Scoffs]"
How I Met Your Mother
"You want to talk about teenage badasses?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I was like John Gotti in a training bra."
How I Met Your Mother
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