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Clips from How I Met Your Mother - The Mermaid Theory (S06E06)

"Told ya. The mermaid theory."
How I Met Your Mother
"It's a thing. You owe me 500 bucks."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Did we bet on this? - Let's say yes."
How I Met Your Mother
"- And that's why we never hang out alone? - Yes."
How I Met Your Mother
"As Lily's best friend, you are the last person on the planet..."
How I Met Your Mother
"who's allowed to turn into a mermaid."
How I Met Your Mother
"Wait. Does that mean that I'm a manatee right now?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Big-time manatee."
How I Met Your Mother
"Whoa!"
How I Met Your Mother
"What were those sailors thinking?"
How I Met Your Mother
"[Scoffs]"
How I Met Your Mother
"I don't know."
How I Met Your Mother
"Being out at sea can do crazy things to a man."
How I Met Your Mother
"Vast, the sea."
How I Met Your Mother
"Deep."
How I Met Your Mother
"Endless."
How I Met Your Mother
"No one around for miles."
How I Met Your Mother
"You could scream and scream, and not a soul would hear you."
How I Met Your Mother
"Listen to this."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Screams] Help!"
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"Somebody help me!"
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm trapped on a boat with a madman!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Help!"
How I Met Your Mother
"See? Nothing."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Laughing]"
How I Met Your Mother
"[Laughing Uneasily]"
How I Met Your Mother
"[Thinking] He's gonna kill me."
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay, calm down, Teddy. He's not jealous."
How I Met Your Mother
"He hasn't even mentioned Zoey."
How I Met Your Mother
"So, Ted, I noticed you've been spending a lot of time with Zoey."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Thinking: Screaming]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Seriously? I step away for five seconds, and you eat all my onion rings?"
How I Met Your Mother
"No surprise there."
How I Met Your Mother
"What's that supposed to mean?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Are you calling me fat?"
How I Met Your Mother
"If there is one thing you never do..."
How I Met Your Mother
"it is call a woman fat right to her face."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Ted Narrating] Wait. Barney's not a woman."
How I Met Your Mother
"That's right. Barney wasn't hurt by Lily."
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"Lily was hurt by Barney."
How I Met Your Mother
"- [Gasps] - Watch out!"
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"Whoa. Thanks, Barney."
How I Met Your Mother
"You saved me."
How I Met Your Mother
"You saved us."
How I Met Your Mother
"If there's one thing you never do..."
How I Met Your Mother
"it's call a woman fat right to her face!"
How I Met Your Mother
"[Ted Narrating] Okay, now I'm on track."
How I Met Your Mother
"The rest of this story should make perfect sense."
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"## [Theremin]"
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"I will never remember this story."
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"I'm sorry for wasting your time."
How I Met Your Mother
"Ted, let me show you my harpoon collection."
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"I'm just gonna make a quick call."
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"Hey, silly question. What are our exact nautical coordinates?"
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"How now?"
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"Oh, bother."
How I Met Your Mother
"Well..."
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"she's a goner."
How I Met Your Mother
"By now, the icy tide has already dropped its core temperature to near freezing."
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"And down it goes."
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"Now it's at 50 meters... complete, crushing blackness."
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"100 meters."
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"The pressure is so intense, the keys are popping right out of its head."
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"- Head? - 200 meters."
How I Met Your Mother
"No one will ever find its mangled remains..."
How I Met Your Mother
"save for the crustacea..."
How I Met Your Mother
"that feed off its lifeless husk."
How I Met Your Mother
"Can you hear me now?"
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"No, because you're on the bottom of the sea."
How I Met Your Mother
"Well, I got a big morning, so..."
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"- Dry cleaners, bank. - Ted, it's time."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Whimpers]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Wait here."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Thinking] Okay, you gotta swim for it, Mosby."
How I Met Your Mother
"Man versus sea. You can do this."
How I Met Your Mother
"You didn't get a "Good Effort"ribbon from the Shaker Heights J. C. C. Swim Camp..."
How I Met Your Mother
"because you don't have what it takes."
How I Met Your Mother
"Found it."
How I Met Your Mother
"I bought this special for tonight."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Ted Narrating] And just as I started to realize that maybe I wasn't in danger after all..."
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"we hit a bump."
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"we hit a bump."
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"Ted?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay, okay, so you're afraid..."
How I Met Your Mother
"that if you spend too much time alone with me, I'll turn into a mermaid?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Yes. I mean, sure, right now you're bald and leathery..."
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"and covered in a thick layer of blubber."
How I Met Your Mother
"Am I blushing, or..."
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"But at some point, my stupid male brain will transform you..."
How I Met Your Mother
"into a foxy fish-babe..."
How I Met Your Mother
"singing "Part of Your World" to my pants."
How I Met Your Mother
"Well, even if that happens, is there any way to un-mermaid me?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I asked Barney the same thing."
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"Once mermaid-ified, there's only one way a woman can go back to being unattractive again."
How I Met Your Mother
"But it's pretty gruesome."
How I Met Your Mother
"Death?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Worse. Pregnancy."
How I Met Your Mother
"If a baby's on board that train..."
How I Met Your Mother
"it is headed straight back to Manatee City..."
How I Met Your Mother
"where the grass ain't green and the girls ain't pretty."
How I Met Your Mother
"Once a mermaid gets pregnant, she becomes a manatee again."
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"Never thought I'd say that sentence."
How I Met Your Mother
"[Ted Narrating] Waitl That's itl That's what Barney and Lily were fighting aboutl"
How I Met Your Mother
"The mermaid theory."
How I Met Your Mother
"But their argument didn't happen at the same time as all this other stuff."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm literally in the wrong year."
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"It happened much, much later, when Lily was pregnant."
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"Well, Lily, I guess it's just you and me. You wanna hang?"
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"- Nah. - [Gasps]"
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"Whenever we're alone, you spend the whole time undressing me with your eyes."
How I Met Your Mother
"You even take off my shoes."
How I Met Your Mother
"High heels chafe my shoulders."
How I Met Your Mother
"But you don't have to worry about that anymore."
How I Met Your Mother
"Ever since you got pregnant, you're just a big, fat manatee."
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"[Gasps]"
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"Well, you're a big, stupid octopus face!"
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"[Ted Narrating] That was it. I remember now."
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"I'm sorry, Lily."
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"Hey, you wanna see a magic trick?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- You're a jerk. - [Laughing]"
How I Met Your Mother
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