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Clips from How I Met Your Mother - The Mermaid Theory (S06E06)

"Hang on."
How I Met Your Mother
"Ahoy."
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"I'm just out with friends."
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"Friends. Plural. Like there was more than one of me."
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"Ew! [Shudders]"
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"She lied to her husband? Uh-oh."
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"So what did you do?"
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"Zoey, um, did you just say you were out with friends?"
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"Yeah. The Captain's on his way home from Milan."
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"He can get a little jealous sometimes, so I didn't want to make him worry."
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"- Is that okay? - It's totally okay."
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"- It's not okay! - I really didn't think it was okay!"
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""Pur-lease." You lie to your husband all the time."
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""Uh, uh, that shirt looks great on you. I love your mom."
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"I never fantasize about Barney when we're doing it.""
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"Sound familiar, Pinocchio?"
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"[Scoffs]"
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"What's wrong with this shirt?"
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"Lily, ruling. Do I have to stop hanging out with Zoey?"
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"No. You just need to spend time with her and the Captain together."
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"If you're friends with the both of them, then there's not a problem."
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"Actually, I do have a standing invitation from the Captain..."
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"to go for a ride with them on his boat."
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"Great. So go make nice with Captain Creepy and problem solved."
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"[Ted Narrating] The next night, Marshall and Robin went to dinner..."
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"just the two of them."
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"Now, historically they had three solid conversation topics:"
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"cold weather..."
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"December chill. So great."
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"Totally."
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"sports..."
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"Did you catch the game last night?"
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"Yeah. Nail-biter."
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"and cold-weather sports."
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"You know what's fun is cold-weather sports."
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"They are fun."
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"They blew through them all in the first 16 seconds."
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"[Thinking] Man, this is awkward."
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"[Thinking] She's giving me nothing."
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"He's just staring at me."
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"It's making me nervous."
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"Great. Now my left eye is twitching."
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"Marshall, it's cool. She doesn't see it."
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"What the hell's going on with his eye?"
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"Am I supposed to not talk about that?"
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"Great, now my right eye's doing it."
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"Can I get you two some drinks?"
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"- Lots of drinks! - Oh, so many drinks!"
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"[Ted Narrating] That same night, Barney and Lily were still fighting..."
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"about, um, something."
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"Or was it that other thing?"
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"I am still mad at you for... something."
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"And for that other thing."
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"Look, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings."
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"But let's be honest. You've been supersensitive lately."
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"[Whimpering] No, I haven't."
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"Wait. They were on the street."
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"Wow. Thanks, Lily."
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"Look, I know you didn't mean..."
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"whatever it was you said that made me so mad."
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"I think I probably didn't."
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"[Ted Narrating] And just like that, the fight was over."
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"You know kids, friendship is funny someti..."
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"Wait!"
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"I still can't resist getting one last shot in."
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"[Gasps]"
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"Like I said, the fight was just getting started."
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"Hi, Captain."
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"The Captain."
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"Captain."
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"Ahoy, Ted. Excellent to see you."
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"You too. Uh, where's Zoey?"
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"Well, I'm afraid she's feeling a little under the weather."
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"Looks like it's just you, me and six hours in frigid international waters."
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"Or we could stay on dry land..."
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"hang out with some witnesses."
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"[Chuckles] You're a hoot."
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"I've been looking forward to this..."
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"for a very long time."
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"Well, anchors aweigh."
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"[Ted Narrating] Kids, here's one thing I do remember..."
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"I was pretty sure I was going to die that night."
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"- Mmm. - Mmm."
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"You know, I had this really boring poetry class in college."
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"That's what made you think of your boring class in college."
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"What? What? No, no, no, no, no."
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"Marshall, no. No, I... I just saw that board of specials."
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"And I thought, God, you know what sucks? Being bored."
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"Which I am not."
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"So that clears that... right up."
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"Robin, I'm an attorney."
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"[Sighs] Fine. This night's a little awkward."
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"I guess it's 'cause we never hang out alone together."
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"- Why is that? - It's because of the mermaid theory."
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"[Marshall] Two years ago, I had just hired a new assistant at GNB."
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"Thanks, Iris."
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"So, who's the eye broccoli?"
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"Hey, that's Iris, my new assistant."
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"And, yes, she's a little plain."
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"But I'm married, so that's good."
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"Mark my words, Marshall. Someday you will find Iris so excruciatingly attractive..."
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"you won't be able to look her directly in the boobs."
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"I don't think that's gonna be a problem."
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"Marshall, do you know how the myth of mermaids came to be?"
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"I'm sorry. Myth?"
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"It was 300 years ago."
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"Sailors stuck at sea would get desperate for female companionship."
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"It got so bad that eventually the manatees out in the water..."
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"started to look like beautiful women."
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"Mermaids."
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"Let's go get some tail."
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"You see, every woman..."
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"no matter how initially repugnant..."
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"has a mermaid clock..."
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"the time it takes for you to realize you want to bone her."
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"But she ain't gonna stay that way."
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"Marshall, your secretary's mermaid clock starts right..."
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"- now. - [Clock Ticking]"
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"- But eventually... - [Ticking Continues]"
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"[Bell Dings]"
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