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Clips from What We Do in the Shadows - The Prisoner (S03E03)

"-Oh, isn't he great? -[exclaiming] -So this is why"
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"I am pleased to announce that"
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"you four are hereby appointed"
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"-to be the leaders -What the fuck?"
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"-of the Vampiric Council -Oh!"
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"of the Eastern Seaboard of the New World."
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"-GUIDE: Wow. That's sort of -Congratulations,"
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"-a surprise even to me. -guys. Well done."
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"-NADJA: Very nice! -So, sit upon the throne with pride."
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"-[squeals] -You are in charge now."
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"We will be monitoring your progress."
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"And with that, I bid you adieu."
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"-Adieu to you. -Yeah, yeah. -NANDOR: A dude."
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"-FML. -Hell yeah."
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"I love thrones-- they're my favorite chair."
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"It is a great honor."
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"But, also, you know, quite a responsibility."
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"COLIN: Well, I've been on the local"
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"Vampiric Council for a few years now."
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"Mainly at an entry-level position."
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"I... Well, what can I say?"
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"It's good to be the king. [chuckles]"
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"Mel Brooks, History of the World: Part I."
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"LASZLO: I didn't become a vampire"
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"to end up a pen-pushing bureaucrat."
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"I became a vampire to suck blood and to fuck forever."
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"-But you must admit, this is quite an honor. -I couldn't give a fuck."
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"Push the stop button. It is the record button."
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"-GUILLERMO: Should I turn it off? -Who is he talking to?"
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"-GUIDE: Just turn it off. -The red one."
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"I have done the bidding for countless"
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"fearsome and legendary councils."
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"Lords and lady,"
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"I have assisted every local"
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"Vampiric Council since 1759."
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"The best of the best."
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"I now stand charged with assisting you."
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"-Nice. -All right."
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"And now we have these guys."
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"Which is..."
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"whatever, you know, it's above my pay grade."
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"NADJA: You know, it isn't just an honor."
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"It is also a nine-to-five."
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"You know, full-time working job. I'm a working woman."
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"This is now a documentary about Vampire Council leaders."
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"I will take you upon tomorrow's eve to Vampiric Council"
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"headquarters so that you may assume the throne."
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"Once the leader of men."
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"Now a leader of vampires."
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"But one matter still remains:"
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"what to do about Guillermo?"
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"-Do you have to chain me? -Uh, no."
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"Then why did you do it?"
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"Well, seemed kind of fun."
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"All right, get in there."
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"Kneel before your masters, fool."
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"I will not kneel."
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"All right, then. Shit."
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"Who-who took the batteries out of my proddy?"
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"-Just let him stand there, Colin Robinson. -We all agreed"
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"-I could prod him one more time. -Yeah, yeah, well, you tried, and nothing happened."
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"We have a lot to get through this evening."
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"[clears throat] Guillermo..."
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"de la... eh..."
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"What is it again?"
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"-Um, Greenberg? -De la Cruz."
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"-Oh. -We have come to a final"
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"decision regarding your fate."
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"All those in favor of revealing this decision, say aye!"
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"ALL: Aye!"
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"It's unanimous."
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"In the case of Guillermo Greenberg"
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"-de la Cruz -Not my name."
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"in the killing of many, many vampires,"
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"we have come to a final decision regarding your fate."
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"We have decided..."
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"-Drum roll. -Thank you."
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"[Nadja imitates cymbal crash]"
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"...not to kill you."
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"NADJA: At least not right now"
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"and not for this particular thing,"
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"but my eyes are on you."
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"You were shitting yourself there for a second, weren't you?"
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"-Little bit. -In fact, for our own protection,"
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"we have decided"
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"to make you a fully-fledged member of the team."
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"What?"
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"You're gonna make me a vampire."
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"-Course we're fucking not, -What?"
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"-you idiot. -Fucking kidding me. [laughs]"
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"NANDOR: No, we're gonna do something"
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"much better than that."
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"Do you want to do another drum roll or..."
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"-I don't think drum roll's... -NADJA: No. I..."
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"-That is it. -We are gonna make you"
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"a vampires'..."
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"-bodyguard. -Ah!"
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"-Hmm. -NANDOR: Exciting."
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"Not... not really what "a fully-fledged"
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"-member of the group" kind of person... -NADJA: Well, excuse me,"
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"it's a big bloody step up from being a familiar,"
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"and it's way better than being dead,"
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"-so you gonna take it or leave it? -Take it."
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"-Okay. I'll take it. -NANDOR: Okay, good."
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"All those in favor of accepting his acceptance, say aye!"
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"ALL: Aye!"
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"Okay. Great. Unanimous... Uh, tut, tut, tut..."
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"Before you remove the chains,"
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"there's just, uh, another thing that you will have to do"
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"for it to be, you know, finalized."
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"This thing, it might, uh..."
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"might be a little bit dangerous. For you."
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"Vampiric hypnosis"
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"is a very powerful tool,"
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"which, if improperly used"
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"by the hypnotizer, can really mess up the mind"
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"of the hypnotizee."
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"NADJA: And the twice-as-powerful"
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"double hypnosis can lead"
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"to weak brain or, even worse,"
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