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Clips from What We Do in the Shadows - The Prisoner (S03E03)

"the thoughtless Sallies."
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"And if things go very, very tits-up,"
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"you end up with full-blown brain scramblies."
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"LASZLO: As we both know, my darling,"
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"from experience, but take that up a notch."
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"to a three-way hypnosis,"
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"well, then you might be"
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"faced with the purple screaming Henries."
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"Or worse still..."
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"half-man, half-madness."
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"NANDOR: But desperate times"
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"call for desperate measures."
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"So, a four-way hypnosis?"
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"NADJA: Yes, and we've actually"
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"never ever done one of those before, so..."
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"LASZLO: Yeah, and the odds against you being normal afterwards"
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"-are pretty fucking low. -Do you think I can have a minute to think about it?"
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"The prisoner needs a moment to think about it."
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"It's okay. I thought about it."
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"He's thunk about it."
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"Okay. And I agree."
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"-Great. -Yeah, being alone in that cell"
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"down there gives you a lot of time."
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"-Mm. -And you guys-- you're like my family."
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"It's okay, you don't have to give us your life story."
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"-We get it. Should we, uh... -LASZLO: Yeah."
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"Assume the position."
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"What position would that be?"
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"I haven't got a fucking clue. What is it?"
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"Uh, stand there, we'll come to you."
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"-Yes. -Good idea."
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"-[Nandor clears throat] -[all vocalizing]"
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"NANDOR: Quadruple hypnosis."
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"ALL: Guillermo..."
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"Greenberg de la Cruz,"
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"you will now find yourself"
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"in a trance-like state."
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"GUILLERMO: Between you and I,"
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"vampire hypnosis doesn't work on me anymore."
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"I mean, it used to, years ago,"
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"when they first started doing it."
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"But I guess after a while, my body just..."
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"got immune to it."
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"ALL: When you awaken, and for the rest of your natural life,"
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"you will in no way harm Nandor..."
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"GUILLERMO: And they used to use it on the stupidest things, too."
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"Things I would've done anyways."
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"Gizmo, stop doing that."
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"Could you do me a small favor?"
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"Fetch me the book,"
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"which is next to my father's ashes."
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"Do it a bit quicker because"
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"you are interrupting my magazine reading."
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"Now go into the basement and fetch my witch's skin hat."
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"Don't you fucking dare."
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"So, yeah."
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"I just let them think they can hypnotize me."
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"Who's gonna know the difference?"
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"-[all chanting] -Wait, wait, wait. Also..."
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"whenever Colin Robinson says your name,"
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"you will meow like a kitty cat."
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"The..."
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"ALL: End."
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"Colin Robinson, why did you have to add that bit?"
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"It's for me, all right?! For me!"
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"[exhales]"
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"Guillermo... awaken."
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"[gasps]"
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"Is your brain fully operational?"
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"-Yeah, I'm fine. -He's not fine."
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"He's got that slack jaw, half-wit look."
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"Guillermo, you will now"
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"take Colin Robinson's peen and scrotum"
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"and crush it in your hand."
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"-What? No. -Good idea."
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"LASZLO: Yeah."
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"NANDOR: He's gonna do it."
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"I'm afraid I can't, Master."
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"As much as I would love to,"
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"something compels me not to."
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"-It worked! Yay! -It worked! [laughs] -Yeah, wait, wait, wait! No, no."
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"-NANDOR: Yes! -Hold on, hold on. Guillermo?"
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"-Meow. -[laughing]"
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"It worked."
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"NANDOR: This building. Eesh!"
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"Still sends shivers through my bones."
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"Last time we were here we were sentenced"
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"to death by the Vampiric Council."
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"Had we not escaped from this cack house..."
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"-I saved them. -We saved them."
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"Had we not escaped from this fluorescent mausoleum,"
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"we'd be fucking dead."
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"First... thank you."
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"NANDOR: Does anyone remember how the elevator works?"
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"NADJA: Nandor, just tell it to take us to the dungeon."
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"COLIN: I think it's P3."
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"[elevator bell dings]"
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"-NANDOR: This is lovely. -LASZLO: Very nice."
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"GUIDE: And I'm sure you'll all remember"
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"-the judgement chamber. -LASZLO: No."
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"NANDOR: How could we forget?"
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"Yes. I remember it well."
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"The last time we were in this very room,"
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"we were sentenced to death and Wesley Snipes"
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"-was right over there on a laptop. -GUIDE: Right."
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"And now you're the ones who will be"
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"sentencing other vampires to death."
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"-Yes! -Yes. -GUIDE: Which"
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"doesn't really make a lot of sense to me."
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"[laughs] But, whatever, above my pay grade."
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"I am here to serve."
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"Good for you. That's great."
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"NADJA: Well, it's much bigger and"
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"-more impressive than I remember. -Yes."
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"Feel a little bit chilly willies, too."
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"-Oh. -NANDOR: It is a little cold."
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"-GUIDE: These are the wraiths. -Oh, great,"
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"I'm fucking freezing."
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"-Oh! -GUIDE: Do not fear them--"
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"-they are here to serve us. -Thank you."
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