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Clips from 30 Rock - Grandmentor (S06E06)

"♪♪"
30 Rock
"We found that if someone is actually on nbc,"
30 Rock
"They're 4% more likely to watch it."
30 Rock
"- Gassy patsy, you can't eat--"
30 Rock
"Weirdos."
30 Rock
"[stammers]"
30 Rock
"- Uh, there isn't any, and that's the problem."
30 Rock
"Is nothing but a company that makes and sells candles."
30 Rock
"In the public eye."
30 Rock
"- Sir, I've been thinking."
30 Rock
"And a desk lamp that I control,"
30 Rock
"I will always be a page at heart."
30 Rock
"Tracy's my responsibility now. I take care of him."
30 Rock
"- Oh, well, I'm sorry, ms. What's-her-name,"
30 Rock
"But I'll always be there for mr. Jordan."
30 Rock
"He has a special place in my heart."
30 Rock
"Your segment was bumped. - What?"
30 Rock
"Remember when we used to be the world leader in baby cuteness?"
30 Rock
"- Also, adult dogs can't fit in the baby mines,"
30 Rock
"So they're lowering down puppies to bring in supplies."
30 Rock
"- [sighs]"
30 Rock
"- Yes, I didn't expect you to play for four hours."
30 Rock
"No more krang!"
30 Rock
"This place is such a boys' club,"
30 Rock
"But you boss them around like an amazon warrior queen."
30 Rock
"- Ugh. The male gaze. - Yeah."
30 Rock
"And in our society, men get praised"
30 Rock
"- What? No. A bitch."
30 Rock
"Well, you may be at the bottom of the totem pole now,"
30 Rock
"Just like the karate kid-- hilary swankarate kid iv."
30 Rock
"Kesuke miyagi, karate kid iv."
30 Rock
"Either cnn gets back on the avery jessup story,"
30 Rock
"Or I'll tell everyone your real name, steel hammerhands."
30 Rock
"[click] hello?"
30 Rock
"I have an important actor request."
30 Rock
"It works."
30 Rock
"It's why lamar odom married that giant kardashian girl."
30 Rock
"- I run a tv network,"
30 Rock
"The world may have forgotten about avery, but I haven't."
30 Rock
"Sometimes at night, I sit here in the dark,"
30 Rock
"Her story has everything!"
30 Rock
"- But those movies get results."
30 Rock
"- Well, you better hurry, jack."
30 Rock
"Oxygen is already working on a movie"
30 Rock
"- Then we'll have to slow them down."
30 Rock
"Send a bunch of pies to the oxygen network."
30 Rock
"So I'm making it easier for him to eat."
30 Rock
"- Get off my ass, parcell. I'm doing my job."
30 Rock
"You think you can push me around just because you have a penis?"
30 Rock
"- You think I'm some delicate little girl"
30 Rock
"♪ down so low, don't know what up is ♪"
30 Rock
"Miss lemon, do you have a second"
30 Rock
"For example, missing your window for having children?"
30 Rock
"- Get to the point, kenneth. - It's hazel."
30 Rock
"I'm trying to help her, but she's gone crazy."
30 Rock
"- Not even half over, hazel."
30 Rock
"Okay. - Look at you."
30 Rock
"Whose whole vibe says,"
30 Rock
""yeah! Dig sex and I'm not gonna apologize for it.""
30 Rock
"- Well, I went home this afternoon to get some,"
30 Rock
"And I found razmig banging the fattest chick I've ever seen."
30 Rock
"- By asking me to break up with the man I love?"
30 Rock
"Wearing nothing but false teeth."
30 Rock
"I would sit on you till you died."
30 Rock
"I said no wigs."
30 Rock
"You're not a lead, gabe."
30 Rock
"For obvious reasons, I'm fast-tracking the project."
30 Rock
"- Is a coincidence, or is the system sexist?"
30 Rock
"But that makes me a grand-mentor."
30 Rock
"She'll get there on her own"
30 Rock
"But I reject that advice."
30 Rock
"- No, kenneth, I let him buy a motorcycle ramp"
30 Rock
"He starts to go crazy."
30 Rock
"Mr. Jordan can't mix alcohol with his medication."
30 Rock
"- You what?"
30 Rock
"And he did not want to."
30 Rock
"What the hell is this?"
30 Rock
"- Donna from casting and I are friends."
30 Rock
"Well, not so much friends"
30 Rock
"- Jenna, avery is worldly. Traveled."
30 Rock
"Got tipped over by those miami heat fans."
30 Rock
"Jenna, there are many kinds of intelligence."
30 Rock
"- I'm sorry. I've made up my mind."
30 Rock
"But let me ask you this, jack."
30 Rock
"- We can't fly someone from peru now."
30 Rock
"There's no time."
30 Rock
"- Okay, I'm putting my foot down."
30 Rock
"It takes a big woman to admit she's wrong."
30 Rock
"You have pictures? Fat nudes?"
30 Rock
"- Absolutely."
30 Rock
"I would like the essay contest to win a role"
30 Rock
"Which is why I just quit my job"
30 Rock
"You little [bleep], but [bleep] damn it I respect you."
30 Rock
"That you would sacrifice anything for it?"
30 Rock
"But you know what, this is perfect."
30 Rock
"Because then I don't have to pick some crazy person,"
30 Rock
"And I dropped her off at the office."
30 Rock
"- No, you're not my wife."
30 Rock
"And imagine a world where it actually worked."
30 Rock
"Do you know what the cruelest is?"
30 Rock
"So she and her college roommate"
30 Rock
"- You-- - finally."
30 Rock
"- You may not have avery's grace and acumen,"
30 Rock
"But you do have the one thing that makes her so special--"
30 Rock
"I have a female condom to take out."
30 Rock
"Unless..."
30 Rock
"Going once..."
30 Rock
"- Ladies and gentlemen,"
30 Rock
"- Ken, where have you been?"
30 Rock
"- They told us we can't do that any more."
30 Rock
"- I'm not just gonna sit by and watch you destroy yourself."
30 Rock
"- The girl in that video was hot in an early '90s kind of way."
30 Rock
"- Now...Take your medicine."
30 Rock
"From the president of the United States."
30 Rock
"- Tough night?"
30 Rock
"- Good. You let her fail."
30 Rock
"- Are you sure?"
30 Rock
"- Liz, I was watching the show fall apart"
30 Rock
"- I never said any of that, but--"
30 Rock
"- You were right all along."
30 Rock
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