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Clips from South Park - The Biggest Douche in the Universe (S06E06)

"Hey, I need to ask you a big favor."
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"Ohhh..."
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""The John Edward show is not liable for"
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"Look, my friend Kyle won't fly back home to Colorado."
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"y'know, that the whole talking to dead people isn't for real."
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"Maybe it is for real."
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"Right, but it's not."
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"to just let my friend Kyle know that so he can go on with his life."
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"Look, people have the right to be skeptical."
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"I really hear voices in my head."
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"It's called intuition."
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"No, you give them false hope and a belief in something that isn't real."
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"But I'm a psychic."
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"No dude, you're a douche."
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"I'm not a douche!"
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"I think I've had enough of your bullying me!"
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"Get out of my house or I'll run upstairs"
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"I'm not talking to your friend and I'm not a douche!"
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"You are so a douche!"
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"I'm nominating you for Biggest Douche in the Universe award,"
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"Kenny! Shut up, Kenny!"
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"Hang in there, sweetie, we'll be there soon."
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"a carrot!"
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"It's twenty four carrot comedy!"
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"Rob Schneider is..."
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""A Carrot" rated PG-13."
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"I wanna watch, fat boy!"
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"No, Kenny, it's not funny!"
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"Don't try and stop me, Stan,"
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"Look, I went and saw that John Edward guy."
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"Kyle, you can't run your life based on"
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"No, he's not."
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"he knew our mother's name and when she died!"
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"John Edward?"
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"and said his dead father wanted to say happy birthday"
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"Yeah, kid, how do you explain that?"
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"I just need a volunteer, how about you?"
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"Okay..."
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"My father?"
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"My birthday is in November!"
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"I chose "older man" because I'm betting"
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"I could still say it was some other older man."
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"But how'd you know her birthday was in November?"
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"Her father could have died in November"
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"but I go with the birthday and validate now as if I knew"
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"by saying, "He wishes you a happy birthday"."
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"What else does he say?"
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"Okay, I'll just use an old standard..."
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"he's saying, "The money- Stop worrying about the money"."
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"Oh my God..."
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"- That's amazing! - No, it isn't."
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"Wow! Wow! Woaaa!"
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"Do me next, I want to talk to my mother!"
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"Me next! I'll pay you!"
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"Junior! Aw son, it's good to see you, na!"
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"These are my friends, the Cartmans."
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"There's heavy fog on the moors tonight."
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"Look what the cat dragged in, Nelle!"
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"Mom, this is my friend, Ms. Cartman."
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"Yeah, Pop, this is Eric."
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"Let's see hya..."
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"Nelle, you best have at it, na."
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"Oh Lord, and I just put the roast in the oven, too."
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"Woman can't baste the roast and do everything else at the same time."
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"I ain't saying the roast is going to be terrible,"
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"maybe just a little dry"
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"but I suppose we can make some extra gravy"
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"to take the dryness out later."
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"At a very young age,"
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"one young boy learned he had a special gift."
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"This is "The Other Side""
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"Okay... Listen to me."
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"This-is-a-trick that I am doing, okay?"
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"that I'm gonna pick at random, okay?"
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"Ooohh!"
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"No, stop clapping!"
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"Now that I see that there is a lone woman, crying"
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"Yes! Yes, my husband, Peter!"
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"Ohhh! Wow! Ooh!"
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"Stop it! I didn't do anything!"
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"I started by saying,"
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""They want me to acknowledge Peter"."
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"or that Peter was somebody's friend or that Peter had died."
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"So I can say something like,"
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""I'm getting that Peter's death was very untimely.""
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"Not literally!"
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"There we go!"
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"Come out, spirit soul!"
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"Ooh, that's the potatoes."
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"Well, hold on the potatoes two seconds, woman!"
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"Yaghagh! Aaghaghag!"
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"Alright, son, now bring me the victim child!"
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"The victim child?"
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"Yeah, you know! The child that we sacrifice,"
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"Aw, damage!"
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"The spirit's out and it don't have nowhere to go!"
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"Ooh Thomas, don't let it get on the curtains."
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"Derp dee derp de derpy derp!"
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"Until one day,"
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"derp da derp da derp derp!"
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"Da derp dee derp da teetley derpee derpee dumb"
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"stating that John Edward has the entire studio wired"
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"Fine, I give up!"
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"You wanna stay in New York, then go ahead!"
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"So, you think you can talk to dead people better than me?"
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"They told me your show is getting better ratings than mine!"
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"You better not ever call me a liar"
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"or a fake or a douche again or else I'll sue you for slander!"
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"I am saying this to you, John Edward."
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"Because the big questions in life are tough."
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"You aren't just lying,"
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"you're slowing down the progress of all mankind."
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"You douche."
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"I'm not a douche!"
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"I'll prove to the world that I'm psychic and you're not!"
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"Fine, douche!"
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"I'm not a douche!"
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"Here spirit, come out the window"
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"Well, I know but you could at least"
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"Oh Christmas, there it go again!"
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