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Clips from South Park - The Biggest Douche in the Universe (S06E06)

"Blabblefalg!"
South Park
"Rob Schneider derp da derp-"
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"Derp dee derp... da teetley tum!"
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"You're just jealous he's a better psychic than you."
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"No, I don't think either one of us can."
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"Everything I tell people is positive and gives them hope!"
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"But if people believe in asshole douchie liars like you,"
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"we're never going to find the real answers to those questions."
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"And I challenge you to a psychic showdown!"
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"Now don't go offering the soul no tree-fiddy, woman!"
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"I just trying to persuade it."
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"start at a buck o' five or something!"
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"I guess the child's a pot roast now."
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"This child... is clean."
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"Thank you!"
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"You see, I learned something today."
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"At first I thought you were all just stupid"
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"listening to this douche's advice."
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"You're scared of death and he offers you understanding."
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"You find comfort in the thought that your loved ones"
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"But think about it..."
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"having to talk to this asshole?"
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"She's dead."
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"Yeah!"
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"But I do have a special power. I know I do!"
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"- Get over yourself. - Goddammit, I'm special!"
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"Greetings from the Janax galaxy."
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"I am Quagmar and this is the intergalactic BDIU committee."
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"Mr. Edward, it is my honor to inform you"
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"What?"
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"You are the first nominee from the Milky Way galaxy!"
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"If you'll step into our blavlefreed"
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"I thought'd we never get out of stinky-ass smelly Scotland!"
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"- It's still at baggage claim! - Aw dammit!"
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"Rob Schneider is a somewhat popular comedic actor"
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"until one day, he came across a pot roast!"
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"Now, he's sharing his body with an eight-year-old boy!"
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"And he's about to find out that being eight..."
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"ain't so great."
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"This year's nominees are:"
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"Dormanta unit five, Jalax galaxy planet Heelm."
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"John Edward, Milky Way galaxy, planet Earth."
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"I'm not a douche!"
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"it's John Edward, Milky Way galaxy, planet Earth!"
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"# Here he is #"
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"# Good going, douche #"
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"Derp dee derp da teetley tum!"
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"Be careful with my baby!"
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"What have we got?"
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"- Is he going to be okay? - Let the doctor do his work, ma'am."
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"Why, what's wrong with him?"
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"It's his time, it's running out."
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"He needs to have more time."
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"What can we do?"
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"It's going to be okay, baby."
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"Chef, Cartman is in the hospital. They think he might die."
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"Well, what's wrong with him?"
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"Well, nobody seems to know."
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"Why didn't you tell me about this sooner?"
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"Well you should!"
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"Cartman is your friend whether you like him or not!"
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"Now come on, we gotta get to that hospital!"
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"Yes, but his time is still getting weaker."
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"It will give out soon unless we do something."
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"Hey, guys! How's it going?"
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"Cartman?"
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"No, that's Kenny."
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"Oh my God, Eric,"
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"Oh, about a month."
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"Let's not validate his delusions."
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"Kenny, do you know what you need to get free?"
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"He's gone again."
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"who can speak with people who have crossed over."
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"What? That's preposterous!"
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"and talks to their dead relatives!"
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"I warn you, Ms. Cartman,"
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"your son's time could give out at any minute."
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"I'm playing roulette with my child's life!"
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"Ooh, wait, "Hairspray" is showing in New York, isn't it?"
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"Good! You children need to come to."
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"Welcome aboard Flight 673 to New York."
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"In a moment, we will be showing a preview."
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"And now Rob Schneider is..."
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"that being a stapler..."
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"is harder than it looks!"
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"Rob Schneider is "The Stapler" rated PG-13!"
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"This must be the place."
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"Welcome to the taping of the show."
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"and just remember, Mr. Edward might not hear from"
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"So just keep an open mind."
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"Don't worry, Eric, I'm sure he'll be able to help you!"
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"Alright, let's get started."
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""The money is safe" is that making sense?"
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"Hmmm, not really."
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"We have a dead friend."
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"Quiet down, boys, it doesn't work that way..."
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"J... It's a L... It's a M... It's a K..."
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"Look, Mr. Edward, can you just ask Kenny"
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"Doesn't work that way."
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"Now Kenny is telling me that you were his best friends"
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"Oh right... and did an older woman pass?"
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"She says there's something she asked you to do"
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"She wants you to look for four white doves."
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"I'm getting all kinds of voices today, wooo!"
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"The things did involve stuff!"
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"Grandma is watching me... always watching me..."
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"Dude, you don't believe that guy talked to your grandma, do you?"
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"Aagahgh! Agahgahgagh!"
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"Eric?"
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"We've got no choice."
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"Okay, children, this is your flight back to Colorado."
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"Your parents are meeting you at the airport in Denver."
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"It's too far, and your parents want you back home."
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"Come on, we gotta catch our plane!"
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"This is a final boarding announcement for Flight 342 to Denver."
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"There's four white birds!"
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"She wants me to attend Jewleeard!"
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"Yes, now come on, our plane's gonna leave."
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"He doesn't do private readings."
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"I'm not here for a reading"
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