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Clips from NewsRadio - Arcade (S03E03)

"No, the idea is to save the humanoids."
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"don't get to you first."
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"Really? Oh, cool, so you've played this game before?"
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"No."
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"It just seems like common sense."
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"Were you one of those guys in high school"
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"hunched over the controls of a simulated spaceship"
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"with all the other pale, friendless virgins?"
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"Don't be silly."
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"Those things are way-- Way too much of a distraction."
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"Dave? Huh?"
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"don't weigh as heavily in your overall score anymore."
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"Well, the dog's hat is tilted the other way."
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"Yes, well, duh."
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"And there are two frogs in this one."
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"I really don't understand how you can eat those things."
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"Well, they aren't what you would call conventionally tasty."
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"my mother used to make for me."
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"Your mother made you sandwiches like that?"
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"Yes, she made a month's worth of sandwiches at a time."
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"Then she'd leave them for me in a box on the porch."
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"She was quite a woman."
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"I'll bet she was."
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"like a squirrel burying a precious bone."
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"Well, to be fair, Bill,"
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"that game is a good test of hand-eye coordination,"
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"Oh, there it is."
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"Oh, sir, no. No, no, no, no. Please, sir. No."
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"Oh, come on, Dave. No video games."
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"Let me play. Please. Gotta play. Wanna play. Gotta play."
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"Okay, Dave, is there something you wanna tell me?"
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"I, uh-- I spent-- I spent, uh, half of high school"
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"playing "Stargate Defender." Two solid years."
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"[SIGHS]"
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"Well, you must have been good. What was your best score?"
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"1,248,500. March 7th, 1983."
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"I mean, that-- Is that good?"
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"Yeah. Wisconsin offers very few distractions"
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"for a... pale, friendless virgin."
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"No argument there. You got any--"
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"You got any tips for me? [CLEARS THROAT]"
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"Just-- Just try to imagine them as members"
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"nothing bad ever happens to them."
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"Mm-hm. Okay, Dave."
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"It's not him the machine wants."
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"It's me."
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"Ah..."
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"That sarcastic comment you made about the SATs"
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"Good for you."
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"and I am going to take it."
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"Come on, you know, look, the SATs"
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"That sounds like something someone who got a low score"
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"On the day I took that test, there were certain"
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"outside factors that adversely affected my performance."
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"Ooh, yeah, that's what they all say, Dave."
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"Well, in this case, it happens to be true."
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"All right. Well, you know what? Mm-hm?"
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"Here's your chance to show the world what you can do."
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"Why don't you take the test with me."
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"'Cause that would be ridiculous."
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"Okay, I can see quite clearly that you're chicken."
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"if you're really worried about getting stupider"
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"isn't it gonna drive you crazy if I get a higher score?"
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"Dave, I'm worried that I'm stupider than I was,"
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"[ELECTRONIC BLIPS AND BLEEPS]"
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"Night there, Jim. All right."
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"You take the stairs."
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"I don't wanna risk getting stuck between floors with those things."
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"Then we'd have nourishment. [ELEVATOR DINGS]"
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"Bon appétit."
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"Come again?"
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"So sad."
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"My mom, my dad..."
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"My brother."
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"Kind-- Kind of took my advice to heart, didn't you, sir?"
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"through all these tears, you know?"
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"I'm sorry. You wanna play? No, no, no, no."
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"Oh, come on. Just one game. No, no, I really can't."
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"I have to get up early for the SATs."
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"Ah, of course, of course."
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"and apologize for letting her down. I'll-- I'll see ya."
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"[BEEPS]"
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"Ah, all right."
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"Well, it's been a long time, "Stargate Defender.""
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"I believe we have a score to settle."
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"[SIGHS]"
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"Just one more game."
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"Good morning, Dave. Oh, are you just going home now?"
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"No, I just got here."
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"[SIGHS]"
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"How you doing? A little unnerved."
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"No, I think maybe I just feel a little awkward"
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"about being the only kid in my row with a pension plan."
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"It must be weird to have a mom who's, like, a really cute girl."
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"[CHUCKLES]"
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"Yeah, that is weird."
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"So why is she taking the SAT with you?"
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"Well, you know Mom."
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"You know, wants to keep an eye on me. Always--"
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"Always on my case."
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"Yeah, I'd like to have her on my case."
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"What ya looking at?"
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"Just a list of vocabulary words."
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"Well, maybe not. But you better pretend it is,"
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"or else you won't get a good score,"
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"which means you can't get into a good college,"
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"and then you won't get a good job,"
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"I-I-I mean, maybe if you have a lot of good extracurriculars,"
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"it will-- Can I have a cigarette?"
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"Yes, here."
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"Great."
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"All right, I'll stop trying to be brave. I feel like hell."
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"Well, maybe you should lay off those sandwiches."
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"I finished the last one at exactly 12:41 last night."
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"Ever since, things have been happening to my body."
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"I think my system got used to its hourly fix"
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"of artificial preservatives."
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"Yes, it has."
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"We're running out of time. Look!"
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"Help me, I'm begging you!"
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