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Clips from 30 Rock - My Whole Life Is Thunder (S07E07)

"For grave robbers."
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"For grave robbers? I remember the first time"
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"You should be more appreciative."
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"I went down to a pack a day for you."
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"One day, you're gonna turn around,"
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"and they started interviewing an Asian Santa claus,"
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"My father did not kill dozens of Germans"
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"so that his daughter could die in a van."
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"and I don't care how I have to get you there."
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"I'll take a horse-drawn carriage."
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"and men holding up swords while staring off into the distance."
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"Sure, let's argue about horses now."
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"Bring down my things."
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"I'm going out of this world exactly the way I came into it,"
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"There you are, K through 12."
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"Looks like we're stuck in a elevator."
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"I guess we'll have to remember stuff"
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"and learn from each other, just like on TV."
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"Wait, you did this on purpose?"
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"Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
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"Apex technical school puts students first."
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"Wait, we're stuck? Get us down."
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"I don't have my flask."
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"Is this alcohol-based?"
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"So our next honoree Liz Lemon is the head writer"
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"of TGS with Tracy Jordan,"
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"and I am told she got married yesterday,"
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"just like Gary and that bitch"
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"So let's take a look at Liz's work."
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"Try unplugging it and plugging it back in."
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"Just open the disk part and blow on it."
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"Jenna, what I did was an accident,"
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"but you're trying to sabotage me"
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"just because I'm getting an award?"
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"You know you don't deserve it."
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"Without me, you'd still be"
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"local commercials for store-brand douches."
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"Well, joke's on you, because that wasn't a commercial."
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"- on the planet. - Thank you."
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"You can't stop me from getting on that stage."
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"Are you sure?"
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"I want you to come up 20% on 16, 32, and 70."
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"Well, this stage is now lit for grocery store milk aisle."
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"Yeah. Oh, no."
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"Stop talking, mother."
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"Save your strength for yelling at doctors."
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"And I don't want you to interrupt me until I'm done."
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"All I want is for you to be happy."
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"I breast-fed you for nine years!"
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"The closest you ever get to happiness"
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"preferably something I've done."
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"Jack, stop talking."
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"I may put you in a home just like that."
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"I can't get it to work,"
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"and there's still 78 women to go,"
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"I ruin your thing."
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"I am too. I'm the moon."
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"Ladies, please, today we're celebrating women..."
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"Can it, Bonnie."
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"I can't believe you're doing this to me."
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"It's all right. The lack of oxygen is making me orgasm."
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"Why should she?"
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"We shouldn't be defining ourselves by our men."
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"Oh, so in order to be independent,"
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"we have to be asexual?"
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"and the klieg."
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"Don't look at me. Don't look at me!"
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"Jack, I got your text,"
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"but I think there was some autocorrect problems."
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"Oh, my God."
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"She had a heart attack and died on the way here."
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"she just wants me to be happy. - Really?"
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"'Cause that doesn't sound like her,"
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"but I guess people do say strange things at the end."
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"You know, my grandmother said, "Liz, stop playing"
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""I just want you to be happy.""
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"You know who you say that to? A loser."
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"Someone who can't hope for anything more in life"
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"than just being happy."
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"You say that to someone who has disappointed you."
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"before the rest of the family found out"
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"and sold her body to a haunted house."
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"One more chance to disappoint her"
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"In hell."
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"Look, life's too short to be fighting with your best friend."
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"I know. Can I be real with you, Liz?"
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"All these years I've always been able to look at you"
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"and feel better about myself."
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"- Sure. - Don't interrupt."
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"The pill that lets me feel emotion is gonna wear off soon."
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"Watching you struggle at work,"
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"dating losers, wearing boys' husky jeans..."
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"Now you're winning awards,"
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"you're not aging the way I wanted you to,"
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"and you're married to a guy that I think about during sex."
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"Everything feels a little upside-down,"
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"And I'm sorry you weren't at my wedding."
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"When I get married, I want"
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"everyone I care about to be there."
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"Pill wearing off. You have mom arms."
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"Kenneth, it's Hazel."
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"She's back. I recast her."
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"At the STD clinic."
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"I don't want my life to be like TV anymore."
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"Because no one learns anything in elevators,"
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"and we almost killed Florence Henderson."
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"Yes. Almost."
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"I don't want my life to be like TV,"
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"because my life is way better."
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"would a millionaire movie star"
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"care so much about a hillbilly janitor"
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"trying to cheer him up?"
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"You can't do that on television."
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"Because, if you did, no one would watch."
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"Thank you for my wonderful life."
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"I sure picked the right week to come back."
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"I thought I was facing an impossible task"
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"until I realized that her constant crushing disapproval"
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"was a gift."
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"The greatest gift a mother ever gave a son."
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