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Clips from Scrubs - His Story III (S05E05)

"You go this time."
Scrubs
"That's right, the old man stole some ice cream."
Scrubs
"- Do you have a message for my mom? - No."
Scrubs
"But since she brought you into the world,"
Scrubs
"I do have a message for her uterus."
Scrubs
"Bad uterus! Don't do that anymore."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] Mr. McNair had locked-in syndrome,"
Scrubs
"a paralysis so severe he could only communicate"
Scrubs
"through a computer that responds to his eye movements."
Scrubs
"[Computer] Why does he call you a girl's name?"
Scrubs
"Thank you for asking, Mr. McNair."
Scrubs
"- Vulnerable people like... - [computer] Oh, my God. I get it now."
Scrubs
"Carol. Carol, Carol, Carol, Carol..."
Scrubs
"- Now you're being a jerk. - Carol..."
Scrubs
"- Jerk! Jerk! Jerk! - Carol, Carol, Carol..."
Scrubs
"- Newbie! - What?"
Scrubs
"I'm relatively certain the computer is broken."
Scrubs
"# I can't do this all on my own"
Scrubs
"# I'm no Superman #"
Scrubs
"- [Turk] Where the hell is J.D.? - [Carla] He's off until six."
Scrubs
"I suppose I could clean. [Laughs]"
Scrubs
"Oh, no, it's black Kojak and Scary Nurse-Wife."
Scrubs
"[Janitor] Free and clear."
Scrubs
"Have you seen J.D.?"
Scrubs
"Dr. Kelso,"
Scrubs
"That laughing had better not be aimed in my direction, bro."
Scrubs
"Bro? Dude, bros don't even use "bro." You're not as hip as you think you are."
Scrubs
"And you are?"
Scrubs
"I'm black."
Scrubs
"God knew my people would go through struggles,"
Scrubs
"Like he knew white people would be rhythmically challenged"
Scrubs
"and he gave you this dance."
Scrubs
"You're black?"
Scrubs
"And these, my friend, are all characteristics of white guys."
Scrubs
"That stands for the National Association For The Advancement Of Colored People."
Scrubs
"But then it wouldn't be the NAACP,"
Scrubs
"I know this probably sounds like a digression,"
Scrubs
"Do I think you're black?"
Scrubs
"Nah."
Scrubs
"Knock, knock."
Scrubs
"[Janitor] Who's there? Nurse Mophead."
Scrubs
"Well, your new computer should be here tonight."
Scrubs
"She got out of here in a hurry, didn't she?"
Scrubs
"But with me it's usually, "Mop that floor. Clean that counter."
Scrubs
"Stop provoking that bear.""
Scrubs
"I don't mind. I'm just working on my own stuff anyway."
Scrubs
"Perfect. Ahem!"
Scrubs
"But that's just one. I got a million ideas."
Scrubs
"Where suction meets the sky."
Scrubs
"why you called the chief of surgery"
Scrubs
"I wasn't even here yesterday."
Scrubs
"Your interns were. Their mistakes are your mistakes."
Scrubs
"Whether it's an unnecessary consult, or his ridiculous haircut."
Scrubs
"Darn it. I'm sick and tired of your careless mistakes."
Scrubs
"Why isn't this bleeder on telemetry?"
Scrubs
"I know you had a 12-hour shift yesterday,"
Scrubs
"You dragged me to dinner and made me play Scrabble all night."
Scrubs
"How you spend your private life isn't my responsibility, OK?"
Scrubs
"Fine. I'll do them tonight."
Scrubs
"Aren't you the big badass attending?"
Scrubs
"Nobody helped you out in the beginning?"
Scrubs
"Dr. Cox was my attending. He kept track of the times he made me cry."
Scrubs
"- You got next? - Yeah, I got next."
Scrubs
"They call me the Candyman 'cause my moves are so sweet."
Scrubs
"Let's go!"
Scrubs
"- [Turk laughing] - Ooh! Ooh!"
Scrubs
"[Turk laughing] Look at the glasses! Look at the mouthpiece!"
Scrubs
"Would you go ahead and thank what's-his-name for me?"
Scrubs
"- Jesus? - That's him."
Scrubs
"- Let's go. - Take ball."
Scrubs
"Lisa, why did you order 100 units of insulin for Mrs. Best?"
Scrubs
"No, that's only 10 units. I put a smiley face after the zero."
Scrubs
"Look, Lisa, you have to be crystal clear with your medication orders."
Scrubs
"- [Beeping] - OK, it's causing a bit of a seizure."
Scrubs
"Hey, Janitor!"
Scrubs
"Come here! Hold her legs down, please!"
Scrubs
"[Janitor] This is it! I'm in the show! Dr. Jan-itor."
Scrubs
"This is easy. Just like drowning someone."
Scrubs
"OK. You can let her legs go now. I think we're good."
Scrubs
"I didn't see the demon leave the body."
Scrubs
"Relax. I'll go talk to Dr. Reid. It won't be a big deal."
Scrubs
"What?!"
Scrubs
"Enjoy your date night."
Scrubs
"No need to make a big deal out of it."
Scrubs
"Hey!"
Scrubs
"[Janitor] Know what? The hell with it. It feels good to get a little attention."
Scrubs
"Seriously, Carla, I need to know who's responsible for this."
Scrubs
"[Janitor] Or lying to cover someone's ass."
Scrubs
"I don't know."
Scrubs
"Was I brave? "Brave" is a pretty strong word."
Scrubs
"[Janitor] Anyway, for once I didn't feel like a jerk."
Scrubs
"Is he still talking about holding that patient?"
Scrubs
"Give him a break. You know how hard it is for us to bust our humps every day."
Scrubs
"Imagine how it feels being here knowing you don't make a difference."
Scrubs
"# Drill-fork It can drill and fork"
Scrubs
"I don't care what those people said. I know I make a difference around here."
Scrubs
"Hey, Jill."
Scrubs
"They don't know how different it would be if I wasn't here."
Scrubs
"Hey, Jill."
Scrubs
"- You know what time it is? - [Janitor] 4:15."
Scrubs
"- 3:30. - Oh, thank goodness."
Scrubs
"- I thought I was running late. - [Janitor] I do love to lie."
Scrubs
"You're feeling insecure and suspicious that I think someone on television"
Scrubs
"Keith was half right. This face means that I am suspicious."
Scrubs
"I was reviewing records."
Scrubs
"- I wanna know who screwed up. - [Carla] Elliot?"
Scrubs
"You're wasting your time. You know how interns stick together."
Scrubs
"- They'll never rat each other out. - I am sleeping with one of the interns."
Scrubs
"Seeing as I've gotten Keith to pee sitting down so there's no splatter,"
Scrubs
"I'm betting I'll be able to get him to talk."
Scrubs
"Keith, you better not tell her who did it."
Scrubs
"Be careful, Keith."
Scrubs
"Oh, I love it!"
Scrubs
"Let's take it back before somebody sees me. As a matter of fact, get down!"
Scrubs
"Hey! [laughs]"
Scrubs
"[Dinging]"
Scrubs
"Hello, that's a nice ride, huh, Dexter?"
Scrubs
"[Honks]"
Scrubs
"Hate to bother you, but could you explain again,"
Scrubs
"what's it like to be a young, hip black guy?"
Scrubs
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