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Clips from Scrubs - His Story III (S05E05)

"so I helped paint a mural for the new baby."
Scrubs
"Is that big, ugly one shooting laser beams into the crib?"
Scrubs
"I don't think he'd appreciate you calling him the big, ugly one."
Scrubs
"- No, he wouldn't. - No."
Scrubs
"You're jealous 'cause your mom's dead."
Scrubs
"Whoa! We should probably take a break."
Scrubs
"You'll finish building that crib like you promised."
Scrubs
"But, baby, it's too soon to be putting a nursery together,"
Scrubs
"[J.D. Over monitor] I can't get this crib together."
Scrubs
"Thank you."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] Thinking about Turk and Carla becoming parents"
Scrubs
"I bet she wishes she could see what life is like around here through my eyes."
Scrubs
"- Where the hell have you been? - I'm making a video postcard."
Scrubs
"She had a hysterectomy, but I'm sure I can just edit over that part."
Scrubs
"Check his vitals, Eva."
Scrubs
"You see, the thing about Dr. Cox is the closer he feels to a person,"
Scrubs
"the more he needs to push them away."
Scrubs
"- Carol, Carol, Carol... - My bad."
Scrubs
"# No, I know I'm no Superman"
Scrubs
"[Janitor] With Dorian taken care of, I'm not sure how I should spend my day."
Scrubs
"God help me, that one still makes me laugh."
Scrubs
"I'll get rid of them with an innocuous compliment."
Scrubs
"Anyone?"
Scrubs
"No, I don't know where he is."
Scrubs
"[Janitor] I love that adrenaline rush you get from lying to someone's face."
Scrubs
"Do it again."
Scrubs
"I must say that your nose hair is not long and creepy like most old guys."
Scrubs
"Wish I'd thought of athletic apparel when going through my midlife crisis."
Scrubs
"It'd have been cheaper than a cigarette boat named Dr. Feelgood."
Scrubs
"so he gave us a lifetime supply of cool."
Scrubs
"'Cause, last I checked, you had a nerdy white best friend,"
Scrubs
"you enjoy Neil Diamond,"
Scrubs
"and you damn sure act like a black guy."
Scrubs
"Now, please understand, I'm a huge supporter of the NAACP."
Scrubs
"but it actually leads me back to my original point:"
Scrubs
"Nurse Mophead, who? You have a mophead."
Scrubs
"I'm a bit of an inventor. I'm gonna show you my latest one:"
Scrubs
"Pen straw."
Scrubs
"I don't care if he is on the first floor, I need this cleaned up now!"
Scrubs
"I'm here. Open up the window."
Scrubs
"That was quick."
Scrubs
"That's a good question. Only problem is I've answered it five times."
Scrubs
"to consult on a cellulitis patient yesterday?"
Scrubs
"This cost $60."
Scrubs
"but that is no excuse for not turning in your histories."
Scrubs
"You're taking me to the movies. Get on the ball."
Scrubs
"Wow."
Scrubs
"It's time for them to sink or swim. I got to where I am on my own, OK?"
Scrubs
"Twenty-seven, counting this morning."
Scrubs
"and I like to prime the pump by watching the young men sweat."
Scrubs
"Hey, Dr. Cox, if I wasn't a black man, could I do this?"
Scrubs
"That's game, all right! That's game!"
Scrubs
"They call me The Pig, because I say sexist and derogatory things to women."
Scrubs
"Lonnie, play with Dr. Cox."
Scrubs
"I'm sure it did."
Scrubs
"Good job."
Scrubs
"Dr. Reid will kill me when she finds out about this."
Scrubs
"I'm gonna make someone burn for this. Who did it, Carla?"
Scrubs
"I heard her yell, "Hold this woman's legs down," and I just knew what to do."
Scrubs
"Good for you."
Scrubs
"Now I've got to go meet my husband at the bus station"
Scrubs
"and pretend to be a street walker."
Scrubs
"I'll tell you one thing, it beats falling flat on your ass."
Scrubs
"That would've been really embarrassing if you were black."
Scrubs
"It was just a clerical error. There's no way to trace it."
Scrubs
"Perhaps the better term is "valiant.""
Scrubs
"Off you go."
Scrubs
"Yep, a lot of lives would change."
Scrubs
"I am gonna prove that to them right now."
Scrubs
"I am gonna fix your computer."
Scrubs
"I just gotta get my real tools. I've turned these into eating utensils."
Scrubs
"Dig in."
Scrubs
"At work, Keith."
Scrubs
"Mrs. Best received an inordinate amount of insulin."
Scrubs
"Meet me in the caf in half an hour."
Scrubs
"I am an underpaid pregnant nurse from the block,"
Scrubs
"- Can we get it? - No, no, no."
Scrubs
"You're killing me."
Scrubs
"I think I might have voided your warranty."
Scrubs
"[Laughs] Mom. That makes me sound so old."
Scrubs
"I had C-sections with all my kids, so everything is as it was down there."
Scrubs
"Ah! That's your dad. How did you get this number?"
Scrubs
"Nice to meet you."
Scrubs
"I don't know if you know this, but overnight I went from Chris Turk, Stud,"
Scrubs
"to Grandpa Turk, the guy who wears overalls"
Scrubs
"- So? - Ching-Lau is a dude!"
Scrubs
"But no, I chose a hospital."
Scrubs
"Just promise you'll practice repositioning the swans."
Scrubs
"Turk, I get it."
Scrubs
"Having a baby changes things."
Scrubs
"I just don't want to say goodbye to the life we have now."
Scrubs
"We'll have a baby. That would be crazy."
Scrubs
"Just focus on the positives."
Scrubs
"For instance, we'll still have lots of sex."
Scrubs
"Come to think of it, what would really help me get through it..."
Scrubs
"Man, you're gullible today."
Scrubs
"My sixth sense is I can tell when squirrels are afraid."
Scrubs
"Anyway, I know you lost your computer"
Scrubs
"and I thought maybe you were a little bit Ionely."
Scrubs
"I don't know. I just hope I helped."
Scrubs
"[Janitor] Now help him up so he thinks there's hope for our relationship yet."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] Even though the Janitor had kidnapped me,"
Scrubs
"when he helped me up, I felt there was hope for our relationship yet."
Scrubs
"Don't sweat it."
Scrubs
"You know I'm down to play ball,"
Scrubs
"This isn't really gonna work for me. I can't do it. I can't."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] Or realizing you actually do make a difference."
Scrubs
"- And there you go, Mr. McNair. - [Computer] Thank you."
Scrubs
"- Done. - [Carla] Oh, hell no!"
Scrubs
"That's Optimus Prime."
Scrubs
"If Junior gets scared, he can always climb into bed with us."
Scrubs
"- That's what I did with my mom. - What do you mean "did"?"
Scrubs
"Last Christmas, I walked in on Turk and his mom cuddling together in bed."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] Turk gets defensive when it comes to his mother."
Scrubs
"You are driving to the cemetery, cleaning up my mom's grave,"
Scrubs
"and asking her for forgiveness."
Scrubs
"I hate having to ask for forgiveness."
Scrubs
"I asked if she still hated me and the sprinklers came on."
Scrubs
"test driving minivans, or buying baby monitors."
Scrubs
"And can somebody please bring me a glass of water?"
Scrubs
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