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Clips from Modern Family - Moon Landing (S01E01)

"Because someone has to tell her she's in the wrong, and better you than me."
Modern Family
"That's great. Here I am thinking that my dad actually respects me as a lawyer,"
Modern Family
"and really you're just throwing me to the wolves."
Modern Family
"- Can't it be both? - Okay. Dad, it doesn't bother you in the least..."
Modern Family
"that your gay son is the only one tough enough to stand up to your wife?"
Modern Family
"Go get 'em, Rocky. See you later."
Modern Family
"Your father and I had a moon landing in the locker room. What's the matter with you?"
Modern Family
"Sure. Oh, no. Not yet."
Modern Family
"Oh, honey, you will."
Modern Family
"Oh, no, I hope not. It's- It's fun."
Modern Family
"I'm sorry. I'm just- I'm waiting for some news."
Modern Family
"What news? I'm- I'm up for the Paris job."
Modern Family
"The-The head of the international division?"
Modern Family
"'cause one of my lovers lives in Paris."
Modern Family
"you know, "lovers" or "one of.""
Modern Family
"Well, I'm single. I mean, it's kinda what you do."
Modern Family
"Uh-huh. I have one in Paris."
Modern Family
"Oh. Um, I have Paris, New York, Miami."
Modern Family
"I have a fourth one."
Modern Family
"Last night I vacuumed the radiator thingy under the fridge."
Modern Family
"You know, it collects the dust. 'Cause you should, and I don't. So-"
Modern Family
"The thought of Valerie getting the one job in the whole company that everyone coveted-"
Modern Family
"Well, I wasn't a "lover" of that."
Modern Family
"Okay. Okay, thank you."
Modern Family
"[Beeps] Well?"
Modern Family
"Oh, they haven't made a decision."
Modern Family
"They're- They're gonna tell me later on."
Modern Family
"That's not what they said, is it? Uh, yeah, it is."
Modern Family
"I got it. Oh, my God. Aaah!"
Modern Family
"I'm the head of Europe. Well, you know, for the hotel-"
Modern Family
"Not the continent. Kind of though. Kind of."
Modern Family
"Oh, 'cause, you know-"
Modern Family
"And that's when it really hit me."
Modern Family
"Valerie wasn't jealous of me. She pitied me."
Modern Family
"And part of me wanted to take her back to the house..."
Modern Family
"and show her everything she was missing..."
Modern Family
"in her sad, childless, husbandless life."
Modern Family
"But there's a little thing called "taking the high road.""
Modern Family
"Why don't you come by and meet everybody? Oh, sure. That'd be great."
Modern Family
"Yeah, I mean, Alex is just a genius,"
Modern Family
"and it makes me realize that motherhood is- San Francisco."
Modern Family
"It would have kept me up all night. Yeah."
Modern Family
"Just a sec, buddy. I'm on my way out to the bathroom."
Modern Family
"Check it out. The Aubreys had this huge party last night,"
Modern Family
"and we got all these bottles to recycle."
Modern Family
"Great. What's Jägermeister?"
Modern Family
"Um-"
Modern Family
"Well, you know how in a fairy tale..."
Modern Family
"there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep,"
Modern Family
"and then the guys start kissing her?"
Modern Family
"Well, this is like that, except you don't wake up in a castle,"
Modern Family
"you wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation."
Modern Family
"[Engine Off]"
Modern Family
"- Luke, you're spilling it! - Aw, crud."
Modern Family
"God- [Squeaking]"
Modern Family
"Cool. [Doorbell Ringing]"
Modern Family
"[Haley] Hang on. I'm coming."
Modern Family
"I believe you have something that belongs to me."
Modern Family
"Ow! Haley."
Modern Family
"Hello? Dylan? D-Money?"
Modern Family
"Hey, buddy! Hey, buddy!"
Modern Family
"Hello, friendly neighbors!"
Modern Family
"Little help?"
Modern Family
"- But I love you. - Well, you should have thought about that..."
Modern Family
"before you took that skank Sharon Nicolini to an Anne Hathaway movie."
Modern Family
"I didn't take her. She was just there."
Modern Family
"So you were just there by yourself at an Anne Hathaway movie?"
Modern Family
"She's every woman. Come on. Let's not fight."
Modern Family
"- Let's just discuss this like two un-immature adults. - Oh!"
Modern Family
"[Clears Throat] [Ringing]"
Modern Family
"Oh. Oh. [Beeps]"
Modern Family
"Hello? Mrs. Patterson."
Modern Family
"Hi. I've been waiting for your call."
Modern Family
"Yeah. Uh, is there any chance that maybe we could talk a little bit-"
Modern Family
"No, no, no, no. Now's perfect. That's fine."
Modern Family
"I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you. Let me just close my office door."
Modern Family
"Put the dogs on a row. You're such a good lawyer."
Modern Family
"Uh, I just wanna make sure we're 100% clear on exactly what happened."
Modern Family
"Oh, we're clear. I told you."
Modern Family
"What? You don't believe me?"
Modern Family
"No, no. I just-"
Modern Family
"You know, sometimes you can forget tiny details."
Modern Family
"Like, is it possible, maybe, uh, you were driving too fast?"
Modern Family
"Who said I was driving fast? Yeah, who?"
Modern Family
"I just- I'm looking at the street,"
Modern Family
"and I'm thinking if you were driving a little fast,"
Modern Family
"- it's possible that maybe you didn't see the car- - You're like everyone else, huh?"
Modern Family
"You blame the Latino driver. Where I come from, they always blame the Latino driver."
Modern Family
"Where you come from, isn't everybody a Latino driver?"
Modern Family
"Manny, tell him. I can't 'cause I have a cupcake in my mouth."
Modern Family
"Oh, come on. Don't blame your cupcake."
Modern Family
"What? You think I'm guilty too?"
Modern Family
"No. Fine."
Modern Family
"I don't need you as a lawyer anymore."
Modern Family
"And if you two think I'm such a bad driver,"
Modern Family
"you're safer walking home."
Modern Family
"Here it is. It's really cute."
Modern Family
"Yeah. We're pretty proud of it."
Modern Family
"Here's your stupid CDs..."
Modern Family
"- Haley, stop it. What are you doing? - Tearing out my heart."
Modern Family
"Oh, why don't you go get a hickey from Sharon Nicolini?"
Modern Family
"It's from my guitar strap, Haley."
Modern Family
"Oh, thanks for reminding me. That's my daughter Haley-"
Modern Family
"This is a nice color. Yeah."
Modern Family
"Um, listen. This is not normal,"
Modern Family
"with all that, nor- nor is that liquor smell."
Modern Family
"Phil, honey? Oh, my God. Luke, what is that?"
Modern Family
"Jägermeister. Dad says it makes girls easier to kiss."
Modern Family
"- What happened to the rug? - I had an accident."
Modern Family
"- Okay. Alex, what are you doing? - I'm trying to kill a rat."
Modern Family
"[Dylan] Sharon was helping me buy you a birthday present."
Modern Family
"I- You know, I- I-I'm late and I should go."
Modern Family
"I know. I know. Yeah."
Modern Family
"And it seems like things have gotten a little wonky around here."
Modern Family
"I don't know where Phil is. He's definitely-"
Modern Family
"[Both Scream]"
Modern Family
"Oh, my God. Alex-"
Modern Family
"Uh-huh. Ooh!"
Modern Family
"It's... not usually like this. Oh, gross."
Modern Family
"Let's just get married. Okay."
Modern Family
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