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Clips from Modern Family - Moon Landing (S01E01)

"I love the sauna. That's the dry heat."
Modern Family
"And the steam, wet."
Modern Family
"And, of course, I am just a kook for racquetball."
Modern Family
"Club champ two years in a row, Tonganoxie, Missouri Rec Center."
Modern Family
"So, naturally, Jay and I have been trying for months..."
Modern Family
"I have been avoiding this day like the plague."
Modern Family
"I mean, part of going to the gym is the locker-room atmosphere."
Modern Family
"And if I'm there with a gay guy, it's-it's just not gonna be the same."
Modern Family
"For him, it's a showroom."
Modern Family
"[Man] ♪ Hey, hey ♪"
Modern Family
"♪ Driving in my car ♪"
Modern Family
"♪ I'll let you see my scar ♪♪"
Modern Family
"Some people call me a salesman. I call myself a sales friend."
Modern Family
"I don't take kindly to it when someone Tom Sellecks my bus bench."
Modern Family
"[Beeps] Phil Dunphy."
Modern Family
"Phil, it's Barbara. The Pattersons wanna back out of the deal."
Modern Family
"Why? What happened? The wife's getting cold feet."
Modern Family
"I told her to call you. Okay, fine."
Modern Family
"I'll handle it. I'm not losing this sale."
Modern Family
"By the way- I've spent way too much time on it."
Modern Family
"[Phone Beeps]"
Modern Family
"It's a terrific gym, Jay."
Modern Family
"Very liberal with the towels. I love that."
Modern Family
"Showers are private, in case you wondered."
Modern Family
"I wasn't, but thanks for the heads-up."
Modern Family
"Now, that's a surprise. Boxers. Is that necessary?"
Modern Family
"Well, I just always pictured you as a tighty-whitey guy."
Modern Family
"Well, do me a favor. The next time you picture me, leave the underwear out of it."
Modern Family
"Well, don't you worry. The only thing I'm picturing..."
Modern Family
"[Chuckling] Is that the best you can do?"
Modern Family
"'Cause it's gonna take a little more than some lame trash talk to get me out of my-"
Modern Family
"Gaah! What the hell was that?"
Modern Family
"Our butts pressed against each other."
Modern Family
"All the time you've spent in a locker room, this can't be your first moon landing."
Modern Family
"- You got a name for it? - It's very common."
Modern Family
"You got off easy. At least it didn't happen after a shower."
Modern Family
"Enough. We call that a splashdown."
Modern Family
"I saw the picture, Dylan."
Modern Family
"No, that's not always how you look. We're over!"
Modern Family
"[Phone Beeps] So, I'd really like to talk to you, Mrs. Patterson,"
Modern Family
"see if we can't turn this thing around."
Modern Family
"Uh, you've got my number. [Phone Rings]"
Modern Family
"Thank you. I said we are over."
Modern Family
"Why don't you go out for a nice bike ride?"
Modern Family
"[Beeps] Dylan again, huh?"
Modern Family
"Some guys just do not know how to play it."
Modern Family
"- Dad, what are you doing? - Oh, right."
Modern Family
"I dug it out of the Halloween stuff to see what people think."
Modern Family
"Do people want their real estate advice..."
Modern Family
"I'm betting these babies are coming back in a big way."
Modern Family
"Buy low, sell high."
Modern Family
"Sorry to bother you, sir. We're doing work next door and nicked a main,"
Modern Family
"so we're gonna have to shut down your water."
Modern Family
"It shouldn't be too long. If you need it, there's a porta-potty out front."
Modern Family
"Thanks. Hey. Yeah."
Modern Family
"Nice mustache. [Chuckles]"
Modern Family
"Yeah, man. You too, brother."
Modern Family
""You too, brother.""
Modern Family
"Haley- She's the oldest. Fifteen."
Modern Family
"And then Alex is 13."
Modern Family
"Yeah. And things are still good with Phil the Thrill?"
Modern Family
"I'm so happy for you. Really. I'm so- I'm so happy that you're happy."
Modern Family
"[Laughs] Thank you. Well, and you too."
Modern Family
"I mean, your life is- No, no, no- Let's talk about you."
Modern Family
"Okay. Because, you know, you're-"
Modern Family
"You chose the mother. You're the mommy."
Modern Family
"The yummy mommy, mama-"
Modern Family
"A little. I'm so sorry."
Modern Family
"She was looking at my life as something..."
Modern Family
"that she'd always wanted, but never had."
Modern Family
"So how's life in the trenches?"
Modern Family
"making life miserable for all the people actually doing the work."
Modern Family
"Same as ever, right? One- One difference."
Modern Family
"Mm-hmm? I'm one of them bastards now."
Modern Family
"Wait. You're on the 23rd floor? I'm on the 24th floor."
Modern Family
"Wow. That's insane. It's- It's no big deal."
Modern Family
"I mean, if you hadn't left, it probably would have been you."
Modern Family
"[Gloria] I was driving along this street. The cars were parked just like this."
Modern Family
"Okay, so, he-he cut you off? Yes."
Modern Family
"You know, I used to be a little bit like that."
Modern Family
"I don't know, maybe it's because of Lily, but I've definitely become more considerate."
Modern Family
"Like, I used to never let people in, and now I do."
Modern Family
"Just now getting that metaphor. Okay."
Modern Family
"No, just Manny. He was in the back seat."
Modern Family
"Okay. It all happened so fast- Just like they say."
Modern Family
"Yeah. All right. Well, this is what we're gonna do."
Modern Family
"I'll take a few pictures, and then we'll sit down and write a statement."
Modern Family
"Perfect. I'll go and get us a table."
Modern Family
"All right. Manny, come."
Modern Family
"Uh, just a minute, Mom. I need to tie my shoe. Okay."
Modern Family
"- Mitchell. - Yeah?"
Modern Family
"Um, that's okay. I'm not hungry."
Modern Family
"That was a mistake. Now she'II know something's up."
Modern Family
"- Are you okay? - I'm fine."
Modern Family
"She cut that guy off. She's a terrible driver."
Modern Family
"She's a danger to us all. Okay, wait. Now stop."
Modern Family
"I thought she said he was parked and then he cut her off."
Modern Family
"Manny, why didn't you speak up?"
Modern Family
"She can't take criticism about her driving."
Modern Family
"Once an old lady yelled at her at a crosswalk."
Modern Family
"She honked so long, the horn ran out."
Modern Family
"I've said too much already."
Modern Family
"[Sighs]"
Modern Family
"Are you hearing this?"
Modern Family
"Aw, that's- Point."
Modern Family
"Hinder!"
Modern Family
"[Jay] Oh!"
Modern Family
"Boom. Lucky shot!"
Modern Family
"That is game and, I believe, match."
Modern Family
"For the first half of the game, I was distracted by what happened in the locker room."
Modern Family
"And you're sure it's not because I'm a fabulous racquetball player?"
Modern Family
"You're average. But I was a little thrown by you touching me."
Modern Family
"Which is unnatural- Not to you, of course."
Modern Family
"- No, to you it's like rocket fuel. - Oh, sure."
Modern Family
"When you're gay you just walk around giving butt bumps to everybody."
Modern Family
"It's like a high five. It's a low two."
Modern Family
"You know what? I'm gonna prove that you won only because I was distracted."
Modern Family
"No! Damn it."
Modern Family
"Yes. I mean, I wasn't there, but she's a horrible driver."
Modern Family
"If she hit 10 cars, I wouldn't be surprised."
Modern Family
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