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Clips from Married with Children - Dump of My Own (S03E03)

"And I saw something in a public bathroom downtown"
Married with Children
"A door high enough so you can crawl under without paying?"
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"See, I don't have the class like you,"
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"what with a fish floating belly-up in your bathroom."
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"Uh, anyway, I was in this handicap stall,"
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"and I notice that they have this great rail."
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"You know, many's the time I need a rail to help me get up."
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"You really don't want this chicken?"
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"Nah, the kids hate leftovers."
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"Oh, don't put it anywhere near a clock."
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"Anyway, Marcy,"
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"So, what do you say, Marce?"
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"You lend me the $70,"
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"and if I win, I'll pay you back."
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"Let me be honest with you, Peggy."
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"and that person never paid me back."
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"And it strained our relationship,"
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"to the point where the very sight of that person"
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"made me sick."
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"What a lowlife."
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"Who was it?"
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"It was you, Peggy."
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"Oh."
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"How'd you like to have the rights"
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"to Al's organs after he dies?"
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"Oh, no, I can't do that."
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"No, but thank you."
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"We have so many knickknacks already,"
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"it would just be one more thing to dust."
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"Look, Peggy, if you really need the money,"
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"they're looking for part-time help"
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"at the supermarket."
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"Listen, why don't you just ask Al for the money?"
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"I can't."
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"Ever since he's been building that bathroom,"
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"Al's bowels are draining the very lifeblood"
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"out of this family."
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"You know, all he thinks about is that bathroom."
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"He even makes flushing sounds in his sleep."
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"Ba-whoosh!"
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"Not that he's given up his regular sounds."
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"Well, I guess I'm lucky."
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"Steve just holds himself and hums."
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"What a pig,"
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"but at least he's not building a monument"
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"to his regularity."
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"I am telling you, Marcy,"
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"Al loves that toilet bowl more than he does me."
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"Oh, Peggy, don't be ridiculous."
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"Hi, Peg."
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"What does that toilet have that I don't?"
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"RADIO ANNOUNCER: And no one has won our big jackpot."
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"So keep playing,"
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"because the $21 million jackpot could be yours."
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"[RADIO ANNOUNCER SPEAKS SPANISH]"
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"Twenty-one mil, and it's all gonna be mine."
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"You mean ours, don't you, Mom?"
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"Sure."
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"This is ridiculous."
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"Mom, when is Dad gonna turn the electricity on?"
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"Satan, I'm your squeeze.""
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"Eat Dad's socks."
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"Sniff his shoes!"
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"Now, kids, we are all just a little on-edge here."
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"I think we're letting the cold and dark get to us."
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"Mom, seriously, is this our life?"
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"Well, I think you're old enough to know the truth."
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"Yes, it is."
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"Okay, kids, coats off. Daddy's on a break."
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"[LAUGHS]"
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"Bud."
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"Fergie."
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"Hey, I got an idea."
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"What say I get the camera,"
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"and we each pose for a picture with the bowl?"
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"You just wise-guyed yourself out of a picture, young lady."
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"Who's first?"
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"Al, we are living like Okies."
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"Peg, I'm in the home stretch now."
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"I would've been done already,"
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"but something keeps happening to my stuff."
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"Bud, did you take my adjustable wrenches?"
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"You're onto me."
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"Kelly?"
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"Oh, come on, Dad, look around."
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"If I was gonna steal anything,"
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"it certainly wouldn't be from this house."
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"Yeah, it must be the neighbors."
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"You know, people hear you got a Ferguson,"
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"they think you got money."
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"they think you have sex."
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"This bowl has given me a natural high."
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"Button up, kids. I'm going back to work."
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"what's happening to my tools and my copper tubing"
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"and my tiles and my life and my manhood."
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"ALL: * Flintstones *"
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"* We're the Flintstones *"
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"* We're the modern Stone-Age Family **"
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"Drop that tile! [WHIRS]"
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"You, Peg?"
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"Oh, Al, I'm sorry,"
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"but it's just that you've been hiding your wallet."
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"And I had to sell your tools for lottery money."
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"Oh, Al, you see, if you die,"
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"then I can get welfare."
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"But if you live, I have nothing."
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"I had to do it. Don't you understand?"
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"You see, you've got this bathroom."
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"Well, this lottery is my bathroom."
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"Yours is just pathetic."
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"is more important than our marriage,"
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"then...go ahead."
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"Did I forget to mention you won't make it to the door?"
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"Come on, Peg. Sit down here."
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"Honey, we don't need the lottery."
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"We've got each other."
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"I want the lottery."
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"Peg, all I'm asking you to do is nothing."
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"Nobody does that better than you."
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"Just pretend the kids are hungry"
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