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Clips from Married with Children - Dump of My Own (S03E03)

"No, thanks, Peg. I'm still pleasantly nauseous"
Married with Children
"instead of our health."
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"Hey, can't somebody get Kelly out of the bathroom?"
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"Girls like me."
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"I feed a family of four for 32 cents,"
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"I need one for the school talent show."
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"It's all yours, Dad."
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"Well, it's about time."
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"Well, Peg, we all have to live with our disappointments."
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"when I was growing up, I had two dreams."
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"Bud, get down here!"
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"You're not gonna ruin my moment, Peg."
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"Is it just me, or is that a toilet?"
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"Now, these babies were made in Maine, you know,"
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"my dad took me on a trip to Maine"
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"He said, "No, wait till we get there."
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"Bud, the toilets today aren't worthy of the name."
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"It only comes in white."
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"Well, the instruction book says"
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"So you figure six, eight months."
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"Well, on the plus side, a second bathroom"
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"will increase the value of the house considerably."
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"Because if you don't, he may not finish."
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"Uh, I was just cutting through here to go home."
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"No, no. Hang on a second there, Steve."
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"What do you think so far?"
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"that I thought would work just great in my bathroom here."
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"Oh, excuse me, Steve."
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"That fish was alive in the morning, Al."
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"and I just need $70 to play."
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"I once loaned money to a friend,"
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"I never said a word about it,"
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"Sound good?"
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"but, you know, I think I have a spleen left."
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"You'd do that for me?"
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"he hides his wallet in a different place."
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"Daddy loves you."
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"A job."
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"[LAUGHS]"
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"I wanna play some records."
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"Oh, come on, Kel, you don't need records."
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"Just chant, "Oh, Satan. Yay, Satan."
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"I'm just having the time of my life."
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"Kelly."
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"Oh, can I stick my head in it, please?"
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"Can you please finish that bathroom?"
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"I've been inviting girls over,"
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"and we turn the lights down real low,"
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"Say what you will, Peg, you won't bring me down."
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"We each have a dream."
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"Peg..."
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"Okay."
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""Don't do that. I own those.""
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"Not bad for two weeks in the country, eh, Soo?"
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"Did anybody take my skateboard?"
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"Well, Daddy finally finished his bathroom."
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"He's been in there for over an hour."
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"TV ANNOUNCER: And now, stay tuned"
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"Roseanne, Moonlighting,"
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"[CLICK]"
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"Doesn't anyone want breakfast?"
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"I have an egg and someM&M's."
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"I can make an omelet."
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"after last night's feast of the three-legged chicken."
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"Why would you buy a chicken with three drumsticks?"
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"Well, it cost seven cents a pound."
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"The one with two legs cost $1.19 a pound."
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"Excuse me for thinking of our bank book"
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"Didn't you think that just maybe there was something wrong"
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"when the label said "Chernobyl Farms"?"
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"I mean, how many chickens have flippers?"
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"Well, don't blame me for that."
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"I just thought it was an extra head."
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"You liked it, didn't you, Bud?"
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"Well, it was tasty, but hard to eat."
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"I mean, every time I cut a piece off,"
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"it would grow back."
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"Aw..."
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"I'm a little queasy."
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"I'm still trying to pass a beak."
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"Next."
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"Ah, there we-- That's me, Dad."
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"I have to, uh... stud myself up for school."
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"Oh, so you'll be needing your smoking jacket"
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"with matching blue Pampers."
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"They do."
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"So, what's for lunch today, Mom,"
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"leftover chicken tumor?"
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"You know, I'm hurt."
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"and all I get is grief."
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"You know, I am trying to save money"
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"for the more important things for this family."
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"Can I have $70 to play the lottery?"
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"Can't I just give you 70 cents for some prime rib?"
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"Oh, please, Al?"
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"The jackpot is up to $6 million, and I have a system."
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"I know I can win."
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"Oh, leave Daddy alone, Mom."
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"He works hard for his money."
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"Dad..."
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"could I have $100 for a python?"
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"Marry your own wallet."
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"Oh, Al, please?"
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"I just need $70 to play my system."
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"I've studied the numbers."
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"there was one thing I was good at."
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"Yeah, but, Peg, in the real world,"
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"they don't give prizes"
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"for the longest period by a sophomore."
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"The man who goes to work, who pays the bills,"
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"finally gets to enjoy the fruits of his labor."
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"Stand back, kids,"
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"let Daddy show you how it's done."
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"Oh, and you might want to put on your galoshes."
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"Aw, no."
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"Yup. She's rising like the mighty Mississipp'."
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"Now, from what I can tell,"
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"either you or Mom must've tried to flush Kelly's report card"
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"down the toilet."
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"Oh, no. Did I let the Fs out of the bag?"
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