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Clips from A Series of Unfortunate Events - The Bad Beginning: Part Two (S01E01)

"By night's end, Klaus had found out all he needed to know."
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"His hopes rose with the dawn."
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"a statement of active acquiescence by both participants,"
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"utilizing in loco parentis if necessary,"
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"Let me give you a piece of advice."
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"If you use fancy-pants words first thing in the morning,"
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"you're going to end up a very lonely man."
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"I figured out your scheme."
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"That's outrageous. I... Wait."
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"Literally? Literally."
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"You don't know the difference"
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"Uh..."
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"to know the difference between literally and figuratively."
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"whereas figuratively is a word"
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"which means it just feels like it's happening."
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"If you are literally jumping for joy, for instance,"
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"I'm leaping in the air because I'm very happy."
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"it means that you are so happy you could jump for joy,"
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"but I'm saving my energy for other matters."
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"So literally would be an actual marriage, whereas figuratively"
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"would be marrying her for the purposes of theatrical entertainment."
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"If my sister says I do and signs a piece of paper"
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"This play won't be pretend. It'll be real and legally binding."
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"I wouldn't marry your sister if she were the last orphan on earth."
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"A man like me can acquire any number of beautiful women"
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"who don't complain about doing their chores."
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"What's in it for me?"
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"A legal husband has titular and practical control over any relevant fiduciaries,"
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"resulting in aggregate financial dominion over any spousal holdings."
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"I don't think a boy your age ought to be using the word titular."
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"If you became Violet's husband,"
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"in regards to the age of consent according to prevailing community standards."
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"My sister isn't old enough to get married, even if she wanted to."
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"can you name me a language that was spoken by ancient Romans"
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"and is still spoken by very irritating people today?"
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"And can you translate the Latin phrase in loco parentis?"
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"That's right."
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"You see, Violet can get married if she has the permission"
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"of her legal guardian."
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"In fact..."
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"she has more than permission."
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"She has enthusiasm."
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"All the enthusiasm in the world won't get us to participate in your horrible plot!"
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"Mr. Poe will hear about this."
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"Your play will not be performed, and you will go to jail!"
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"Here comes Count Olaf"
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"Throw the rice pilaf"
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"Excuse me."
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"but that brave and clever boy with the horrible glasses"
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"Yes."
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"Thanks to his stupendous library book,"
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"- Oh, no. - Whatever will we do?"
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"- I guess we will go to jail. - For a very long time."
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"I guess that proves reading really is fundamental."
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"do you think your booky little brother is very brave and clever?"
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"His work speaks for itself."
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"Count Olaf wants to marry you for real,"
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"You can with the permission of your legal guardian."
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"We have to get Sunny and get out of this wretched place."
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"- Sunny. Wake up. - Sunny."
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"and one so small, so helpless."
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"When did you see her last?"
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"What have you done with Sunny?"
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"Here, Sunny, Sunny. Where are you, girl?"
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"It came from outside."
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"Sunny?"
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"Oh, you're not looking in the right place."
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"For children who read so much, you two are remarkably unintelligent."
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"She's not here."
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"Oh, don't look so down."
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"- Let her go. She's done nothing to you. - She's an infant."
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"Well, if you really want me to let her go, I will."
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"But even a stupid brat like you might realize that if I let her go,"
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"or more accurately, if I have my comrade let her go..."
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"Sunny might not survive the fall to the ground."
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"That's a 30-foot tower,"
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"which is a very long way for a very small person to fall,"
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"- No, don't! - Please, she's just a baby."
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"We'll do anything, anything. Just don't harm her."
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"Anything? Anything?"
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"Would you, for instance, consider marrying me"
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"Children..."
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"your sister is like a stick behind a stubborn mule."
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"Any animal owner will tell you"
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"because it wants the reward of food..."
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"and away from the stick"
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"to avoid the punishment of the loss of your sister."
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"And because you want the reward of a charming husband."
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"Would it be so terrible to be my bride,"
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"After the wedding, I wouldn't dispose of you like your brother and sister."
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"If you let Sunny go..."
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"- I will marry you. - Hmm."
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"I will let Sunny go after tomorrow night's performance."
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"Until then, she will remain in the tower room for safekeeping."
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"- That is all. - You're a terrible man."
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"I may be a terrible man, but I have concocted"
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"a foolproof way of getting your fortune."
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"What have you done?"
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"I was thinking the same thing."
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"- You came. - You sent for me."
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"I thought so."
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"Dr. Montgomery and I were expecting the Baudelaire children days ago."
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"Dr. Montgomery's supposed to be their new guardian."
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"What went wrong? Why haven't we seen them?"
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"Mr. Poe listened to the advice of a consultant."
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"I'll give you a hint. His name rhymes with rice pilaf."
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"Are you free Friday night to attend the theater?"
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"We might be able to get things back on track"
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"Of course. But what shall we do until then?"
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"The children must be so frightened."
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"Sunny must be so frightened."
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"We're all frightened, Klaus. You should get some sleep."
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"You stayed up all last night trying to find out Count Olaf's plot."
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"I didn't help us."
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"Yes, you did. You just didn't finish the job."
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"Remember when our parents first brought Sunny home?"
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"She bit the doorknob off the nursery."
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"they made me promise to always look after you two"
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"and make sure you don't get into any trouble."
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"Let me keep my promise."
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