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Clips from A Series of Unfortunate Events - The Bad Beginning: Part Two (S01E01)

"When the sand runs out in the..."
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"What happened? Why are we up here?"
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"before the sand runs out of the hourglass."
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"I didn't realize the sand went so quickly. I bought it online."
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"including all of my notes on the Baudelaire orphans,"
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"and..."
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"taken a long time ago, of a woman named Beatrice,"
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"which I look at from time to time while writing this account"
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"- What are Molotov cocktails? - They're small bombs."
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"But then Olaf will drop Sunny off the tower."
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"Certainly would."
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"And how do you respond to rumors that this whole production"
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"Take your seats."
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"Change of plans. Sit here. Don't distract her."
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"Here I am, literally standing at the edge of a pond."
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"By the waters of the Nile, this very handsome man shall be mine."
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"He's so handsome."
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"but if you win again, I'll put tape on my mouth."
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"Say your line."
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"Do you..."
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"- Do you take this woman... - Man."
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"I do."
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"Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to make an announcement."
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"My marriage to Violet Baudelaire is perfectly legal,"
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"and I am now in control of her entire fortune."
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"On the contrary, Judgikins,"
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"It was child's play, winning this fortune."
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"Where is Sunny?"
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"I'm afraid she's tied up at the moment,"
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"See, it's a little play on words. All tied up is a figurative..."
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"Drop the pip-squeak to her death."
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"I'm not a Countess. At least I don't think I am."
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"I didn't sign the document in my own hand, as the law states."
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"That's right. I should tell you. I am a judge."
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"Let me think."
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"It would take a formidable legal scholar to solve it."
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"In the respected legal tome, Nuptial Law,"
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"Ah! That moral argument"
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"And I am happy to say that because Violet,"
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"who is right-handed, signed the document with her left hand,"
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"the marriage is invalid."
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"- as my secretary. - Hear, hear!"
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"and has been waiting to hear from you."
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"with an 8% increase in salary."
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"And when I have it,"
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"I will tear you and your siblings from limb to limb."
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"You have to capture him! You have to go after him!"
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"I cannot allow the Baudelaires to be raised by someone who is not a relative."
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"He's right."
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"while wandering alone through desolate landscapes..."
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"usually during the off-season."
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"Gustav, have the Baudelaires arrived at Dr. Montgomery's?"
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"Not yet."
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"why they were now off toward an unknown relative"
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"But as with so many unfortunate events in life,"
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"The front page!"
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"a word which here means very, very wrong, and causing much grief, direction."
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"Then we don't have a moment to lose."
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"What's a woman like you building in a place like this?"
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"Grappling hook."
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"and I'm sorry to say that the alleged entertainment you are watching"
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"Jacquelyn, could you bring the Baudelaire file in here, please?"
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"From the beginning of this miserable tale to the last melancholy scene,"
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"I cannot think of a single line, a single word,"
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"that does not chill me to my deepest bones."
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"Jacquelyn, could you bring the Baudelaire file in here, please?"
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"did not begin in the private, somewhat ill-decorated office of Mr. Poe"
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"where the Baudelaire children, Violet, Klaus and Sunny,"
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"received terrible news."
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"Your parents have perished in a terrible fire."
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"In fact, the tale of the Baudelaire orphans begins long before the fire"
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"It begins before the children meet Justice Strauss,"
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"a nice lady who, unfortunately, is not their guardian."
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"And before the Baudelaire orphans were placed under the care of a terrible actor"
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"who made the Baudelaires sleep in an awful room,"
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"do a series of difficult and irritating chores,"
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"and cook dinner for his disreputable and largely untalented theater troupe,"
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"resulting in an act of violence that ought not to be shown on-screen."
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"How did the resourceful and intelligent children"
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"of kindly and attentive parents end up in the care of Count Olaf?"
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"Do you know what the question I'm asked most is?"
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"Will you please leave the premises?"
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"Why do I do it?"
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"Count Olaf, they ask me, why are you an actor?"
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"Why not a model, or a millionaire playboy?"
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"Why respond to the siren song that the Spanish call 'El Theater'?"
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"- For fame and fortune? - No."
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"- No. - For the costumes!"
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"Where are the costumes?"
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"Nobody brought the costumes?"
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"Stay in the car."
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"Can we listen to the radio?"
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"No."
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"Well, keep trying. Yes, it's an emergency."
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"Let me call you back."
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"Haircut."
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"- Haircut? - Yes... sica Haircut is my name."
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"Yes. Yessica."
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"concerned citizens and television executives"
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"who have expressed confusion"
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"as to how the Baudelaire orphans ended up in Count Olaf's so-called care."
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"The scene you see behind me is called a flashback."
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"taken place during the events of the last episode,"
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"and during the Baudelaire children's unfortunate stay with the Poe family."
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"concerned citizens and television executives"
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"Hello, banker man."
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"The Baudelaire fire is precisely why I'm here."
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"Allow me to introduce myself,"
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"because, as you can see from my mole, we've never met before."
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"As you can see from my coat, hat and ascot,"
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"And as you can see from my sunglasses..."
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"it's bright out."
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"for which I understand you are the executioner."
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"Person who controls people's fortunes after a terrible fire has just happened."
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"That's strange."
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"Jacquelyn, please cancel that haircut."
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"Mr. Poe, there's an urgent matter..."
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"I'd like to make a withdrawal."
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"Well, I don't know, Mr..."
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"on me to tell you my name, which is Mr..."
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