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Clips from The Office - Drug Testing (S02E02)

"Narc!"
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"If you are attempting to compliment me, then you have done a very good job."
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"I wasn't attempting to compliment you."
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"Well, you have, because being a narc"
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"Why don't you just cool it? Cool it!"
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"So... Dwight, please! God!"
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"Doobie Brothers. I was smoking doobies with my brothers."
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"Peace out, Seacrest!"
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"Munchies. Who wants some munchies?"
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"I don't know if anyone's ever offered him any."
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"Oscar visited Mexico, when he was five,"
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"He's a potential drug mule."
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"Do you think it's possible that maybe you could have had some drugs"
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"What are you implying?"
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"Have you ever"
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"pooped a balloon?"
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"He sure left in a hurry."
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"I don't wanna blow this."
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"the chance to solve an actual crime."
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"Do you know what this is?"
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"It's labeled."
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"Damn it."
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"That is Northern Lights, Cannabis indica."
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"It's marijuana."
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"I'm just saying that you can't be sure that it wasn't you."
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"That's ridiculous. Of course it wasn't me."
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"Marijuana is a memory loss drug, so maybe you just don't remember."
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"I would remember."
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"You said I'd be conducting the interview when I walked in here."
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"Now, exactly how much pot did you smoke?"
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"So, Pam told me you do a great Stanley impression. I'd love to hear it."
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"Good."
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"Why do you keep cc-ing me on things that have nothing to do with me?"
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"Is that supposed to be me?"
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"Oh, hey, Stanley. I was just doing an impression."
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"I do not think that is funny."
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"I do not think that is funny. I do not think that is funny."
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"No, no! No talking!"
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"That has never happened in the history of Jinx."
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"Sorry, it's not my problem."
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"but it can't look like I'm treating you any differently."
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"Where were you yesterday after work?"
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"Who's he calling? Ratting somebody out! Narc! Narc!"
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"Kevin. That is so good, Michael."
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"Remember the narc bit?"
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"Okay, I will let them know. Uh-oh."
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"Who's in trouble? Attention, everyone!"
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"What?"
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"What are you talking about? Company policy."
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"If drugs are found on the premises,"
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"Is that true, Toby?"
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"When you sign your job application,"
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"you agree to comply with random drug testing."
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"Two nights ago, I went to an Alicia Keys concert"
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"I had scored these great aisle seats."
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"And I'm sure that it was clove cigarettes."
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"Okay, attention, everyone! The drug testing has been cancelled."
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"Instead, I will be going around to each of you and doing a visual inspection."
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"No, you can't do that. I can do that. It is my office!"
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"No, you cannot."
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"All right."
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"Kevin, what prescription drugs are you taking besides Rogaine?"
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"I'm not taking Rogaine."
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"You're not on anything?"
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"Good."
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"But I was so nervous. So this time, I wanted it to be special."
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"So I bought a new dress!"
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"to show something. But not everything."
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"Hey, guys. What's going on?"
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"We're just having the best conversation."
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"We have a few minutes, so you guys should definitely finish up your conversation."
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"Thanks."
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"So, I was looking so hot..."
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"It has come to my attention"
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"that some people here think that the use of drugs"
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"We don't feel that way. No, not at all."
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"You were the one joking around, calling Dwight a narc."
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"When I said that Dwight was a narc, how many of you defended him?"
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"How many of you said, Hey, you know what? He's right."
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"What he's doing is protecting this office from the evils of drugs."
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"Thank you, Michael."
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"that involves suspicion or testing of any kind."
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"Drugs ruin lives, people."
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"Drugs destroy careers."
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"Take Cheech and Chong. Everybody knows that Cheech and Chong are funny."
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"But just imagine how funny they would be if they didn't smoke pot."
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"I want everybody to take a look to their left."
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"at some point in their lives."
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"This year more people will use cocaine"
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"than will read a book to their children."
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"Where did you get these facts?"
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"Are these facts scaring you or are they not?"
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"They are not."
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"Do you think that doing alcohol is cool?"
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"And I have a glass of red wine with dinner about once a week, for the antioxidants."
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"I have written down a list of illegal drugs."
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"Hookah is not an illegal drug, Michael."
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"No, it's not. It's a type of pipe."
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"Pam, could you take this down?"
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"In addition to Toby's urine being tested, I would like to test his blood and his hair."
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"I can test anyone randomly, and I have chosen you randomly."
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"That's not random. Okay."
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"Eenie, meenie, minie, moe, is random."
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"about a relative of his who got caught up in the world of drugs."
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"Jim, it's okay. You can..."
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"These are people you can trust. These are people who care about you."
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"It's okay. Just..."
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"It's okay."
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"Okay, are you sure? That looked like it was gonna be good."
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"All right. Okay, well..."
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"Wow!"
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"He really pulled out the big guns."
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"Fake crying. I did not expect that."
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"is that I hate drugs. I hate them!"
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"you all don't quite hate them as much as I do."
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"No, you will be tested. Yes, I will... Will not be."
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"Okay, well, Dwight, just know that I've been very busy today"
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"So, good. Thank you."
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"Hi, Linda. Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager."
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"when I was applying to be a volunteer sheriff's deputy."
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