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Clips from Archer - The Rock (S01E01)

"Um..."
Archer
"- Wow. - Ugh."
Archer
"And no muffin. See? Time lost is muffin lost."
Archer
"Along with my appetite."
Archer
"- For food, that is. Heh-heh. - Ugh."
Archer
"Wow. I am incredibly sorry."
Archer
"But that is my decision, Ms. Archer."
Archer
"- We had a deal. - Kangaroo. Remember him?"
Archer
"We pointed out every single flaw in your cut-rate security system."
Archer
"And now not only are you hiring another agency..."
Archer
"for that security probe. Which means no bonuses for us."
Archer
"- Wait, what? - Oh, now he cares."
Archer
"- Uh, skipper, if I could jump in here. - Trexler."
Archer
"Oh, Malory. Even on... What is this, 1080p?"
Archer
"... and sexy as the day I first laid eyes on you."
Archer
"- That's no way to talk to your mother. - Just who the hell do you think you are?"
Archer
"- Getting ISIS blacklisted at the UN? - Had nothing to do with that."
Archer
"- Embarrassing me in Berlin? - The entire hotel was embarrassed."
Archer
"Stealing all my prospective clients?"
Archer
"- Yeah. - And no matter which way I turn..."
Archer
"you're butting in that big, fat, strong..."
Archer
"aquiline nose of yours. - Wait, what?"
Archer
"Well, perhaps a lesser Caesar."
Archer
"No, no, now, I clearly remember you said Augustus."
Archer
"- And in vino veritas. - The Chianti was definitely flowing."
Archer
"- Ha, ha. - Among other things."
Archer
"- Mother. - Hmm? Oh, uh..."
Archer
"- You wanna play me hard? - Phrasing."
Archer
"- You know I do. - Well, then you better nut up."
Archer
"- Phrasing. - Because I've swallowed just about..."
Archer
"as much as I can take from you. - Hey! Phrasing!"
Archer
"And we'll see who's smirking..."
Archer
"when ISIS steals that diamond for real."
Archer
"- Oh, you're a naughty girl. - Right, then."
Archer
"Commence Operation "Rub Len Trexler's Big Fat Nose In It.""
Archer
"- Sounds like you already have. - You want to break back into the palace..."
Archer
"which now has the insane amount of security we recommended?"
Archer
"- Plus God knows how many ODIN guys. - Yes, so take more of that poison."
Archer
"And on top of that suck-salad..."
Archer
"you wanna sprinkle on the bacon bits of "Let's tell them we're coming"?"
Archer
"- Well? - Well, there's this new thing..."
Archer
"called the element of surprise?"
Archer
"- Houdini died of AIDS. - No."
Archer
"- I want to surprise Lana... - Well, you nailed it."
Archer
"compulsively blabby self."
Archer
"Wha...? When have I ever been blabby?"
Archer
"Guess who has breast cancer."
Archer
"They're not all equally appal..."
Archer
"And you think you can make that unhappen if you give Lana a tiny flake of brown mica?"
Archer
"Save that speech for the father you continually disappoint."
Archer
"I'm head of HR, Cyril, I know your take-home."
Archer
"Yeah, and l... I..."
Archer
"Well, we all do."
Archer
"K through 12!"
Archer
"- Wow. - I'm sorry, you were saying?"
Archer
"I were saying, we all make shit, so, what we should do is unionize."
Archer
"- Then you can buy Lana a big-boy ring. - She'll promptly agree to marry me."
Archer
"Then you take her home to meet your dick dad."
Archer
"And then I shove his hawk face right into her big brown boobs..."
Archer
"and scream, "Look at those babies, old man."
Archer
"Didn't need a varsity letter to get those, did I?"
Archer
"So now who's a disappoint...?" Oh, Jesus H. Jones, Pam."
Archer
"What?"
Archer
"Oh, wait. Cheryl? Cheryl."
Archer
"Hello?"
Archer
"Cheryl, I swear to God..."
Archer
"if I have to open my own salad again I will freak out."
Archer
"Where the hell is everybody?"
Archer
"Let's assume we can't access the palace through that same skylight."
Archer
"- Okay. - But maybe we overlooked an air shaft..."
Archer
"or maybe even some access below-grade?"
Archer
"- So let's pull up the palace schematics. - Uh, okay."
Archer
"- Maybe today, if that works for you. - Hang on."
Archer
"- Let me see. How about now? Anything? - No."
Archer
"- Uh, how about now? - No."
Archer
"- How about now? Anything? - No."
Archer
"- What are you doing there? - I don't know."
Archer
"- What, are you just hitting random keys? - Well, obviously."
Archer
"Aw, damn it, we... Where is the hobbit guy?"
Archer
"- Will you... He's a hobbit enthusiast. - Ooh."
Archer
"But he also knows how to work all the computers and satellites and shit."
Archer
"But even though I do all that..."
Archer
"I gotta live with a roommate. In Queens."
Archer
"That's disgusting. - Thanks, Bilbo. Another example..."
Archer
"And I for one am fed up."
Archer
"My problem is I remember what Ms. Archer did to the cleaning ladies."
Archer
"You sure, missus? Is plenty space."
Archer
"No. Gracias."
Archer
"Okay."
Archer
"Ha. How's that for bread and roses?"
Archer
"What's sad is now nobody re-stocks the machine in the bathroom..."
Archer
"I don't know what that is. That's where my yarn's going."
Archer
"Exactly, and so I say, no union."
Archer
"Yes, confederacy forever."
Archer
"No, wait, uh-uh. Don't listen to the makes-her-own-tampons person."
Archer
"you know they're exploiting us."
Archer
"And that supply closet is just packed with posterboard..."
Archer
"So who's with me on that picket line?"
Archer
"- And me. - Really?"
Archer
"You had me at "put.""
Archer
"Yes, we need a sound sensor. Duh!"
Archer
"Where is that equipment guy? And where the hell are the jumars?"
Archer
"Yeah, I don't know, this was all I could find."
Archer
"I'm thinking goggles, yes. Shovels..."
Archer
"- Ugh. Cheryl?"
Archer
"- She's not in here. - Well, why are you in here?"
Archer
"It might be, for all we know."
Archer
"We can't find any gear we need."
Archer
"We've got no sat-coms, no new intel..."
Archer
"and so basically we are totally unprepared for this mission."
Archer
"- Unless it involves night-shoveling. - Well, I want that diamond."
Archer
"Not to mention my rapidly-approaching- room-temperature Cobb salad, so..."
Archer
"Damn it, where the hell are all the drones?"
Archer
"What do we want? Unfair!"
Archer
"When do we want it? Change!"
Archer
"Okay, so they're bad chanters, but overall this strike's shaping up."
Archer
"is a top-secret intelligence agency.""
Archer
"But it looks like we're picketing the cleaners."
Archer
"- No, it doesn't. - Jesus!"
Archer
"Stop picketing the cleaners!"
Archer
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