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Clips from Archer - The Rock (S01E01)

"You were saying?"
Archer
"- Why are people picketing the cleaners? - I predicted this. It's curry fury."
Archer
"Holy shit, is that Cyril?"
Archer
"- What's their beef? - Oh, the same entitled crap as always."
Archer
""I can't make ends meet," "I'm on food stamps.""
Archer
""My child died because I couldn't afford new bone marrow.""
Archer
"- Just me, me, me. - Jesus, whose kid died?"
Archer
"Oh, who remembers. Check Pam's blog."
Archer
"And done, but if you still want us to steal you that gigantic diamond..."
Archer
"It's like a trailer park Easter."
Archer
"Jesus. Okay, strike's over, everybody."
Archer
"No, hold that line. We deserve a raise..."
Archer
"and Lana deserves a real ring, so..."
Archer
"Okay, so let's go out the back."
Archer
"- Oh, my God. - Ha, ha!"
Archer
"- Happy Easter, Cyril. - Lana?"
Archer
"Oh, baby. What happened to you?"
Archer
"- Well, see, I wanted to buy you a... - Cyril."
Archer
"- Hmm? - Yeah, no, they're right."
Archer
"- What? - No, not the whore part. Management."
Archer
"But you make shitloads more than we do."
Archer
"Even though you totally depend on us."
Archer
"- No, it isn't, don't answer that. - What with salary..."
Archer
"performance incentives, bonuses..."
Archer
"- Bonuses? - Dump her, Cyril."
Archer
"Hey, crazy. Go macrame some tampons."
Archer
"Oh, you wanna hear something crazy? Cyril..."
Archer
"is totally doing it for me, it really is, but we're on a vital mission here."
Archer
"- So just how vital is it? It's incredibly vital."
Archer
"I will literally die. - A diamond?"
Archer
"- In this economy? - You're stealing a diamond? For her?"
Archer
"- Oh, irony. - And the rest of you, back to work."
Archer
"- Get them! - Oh, oh!"
Archer
"- Hey, whoa. - Stop surging."
Archer
"Archer, do something."
Archer
"I am doing something. What are you doing?"
Archer
"Lana, out the back. Move."
Archer
"Cyril."
Archer
"- Cyril! What?"
Archer
"I'm saving Lana. As usual. Hey, shut up."
Archer
"Freaking ODIN. I can't believe this. How many are there?"
Archer
"About a jillion. Damn it."
Archer
"I didn't invent the turtleneck, Lana."
Archer
"- The tactical turtleneck, Lana. - Archer."
Archer
"The Tactleneck."
Archer
"- Can you please focus? - Not really."
Archer
"Ditto the sound sensor. And the stupid code-cloner."
Archer
"All the gear those sweaty tech-dweebs normally... Oh!"
Archer
"- Do we take the drones for granted? - No. No, no, Lana."
Archer
"Do not make this about them."
Archer
"No, no, no. That is utterly unacceptable."
Archer
"Meet us halfway, and Krieger will let you out of there."
Archer
"- Or else he'll crank up the heat again. I love..."
Archer
"that you know how to do that. - And I love that I have an erection..."
Archer
"that didn't involve homeless people."
Archer
"And you're cool with Krieger shucking your side-corn?"
Archer
"You hear that, Ms. Archer?"
Archer
"We're all on board for the big win-win out here."
Archer
"- Okay. - Oh, my God, yes."
Archer
"I'm as naked as the day I was born."
Archer
"You can't stay in there forever."
Archer
"Ha! I'll outlast you. I'm naked and I've got half a lime..."
Archer
"and almost..."
Archer
"nearly two-thirds of a half-gallon of..."
Archer
"Ha! I'll suck it straight off this grimy linoleum..."
Archer
"we don't need gadgets. - Really?"
Archer
"and then it's "Who has the ability to survive?""
Archer
"And that's the game, Lana. Survival."
Archer
"Just watched Deliverance again, huh?"
Archer
"On the raft? With the vest?"
Archer
"- Huh? You know he did all his own stunts. - I know!"
Archer
"God! Sweet Jesus, the goggles!"
Archer
"- Aah, Lana! Lana, I'm blind. I'm blind. - Yeah? Should I go on without you?"
Archer
"Jesus. Quit bouncing my eyes."
Archer
"Oh, holy shit, are they still on strike?"
Archer
"- All right? - So you'd rather die in there..."
Archer
"Yes. - Well, I can arrange that."
Archer
"I love that you know how to do that."
Archer
"Well, now you're trapped. Happy?"
Archer
"Yes. - Ugh! Laundry."
Archer
"Oh, wait, are we open?"
Archer
"Jeezy Petes, get a load of this guy."
Archer
"We're taking heavy fire and we need an extraction, dumb-ass!"
Archer
"Lana?"
Archer
"Ha! She thought you were a man. Shut up. Cyril, baby..."
Archer
"... we're pinned down, okay? We need a... Aah!"
Archer
"- Lana! What's going on?"
Archer
"We need evac. A helo, a jump-jet."
Archer
"At this point, really anything."
Archer
"Don't just stand there, idiots. - Yeah, come on. Get them out of there."
Archer
"And, uh, someone broke the elevator."
Archer
"And Miss Fire Hazard in there bricked up the only stairwell."
Archer
"Don't talk to me about fire hazards."
Archer
"- All you people did in there was smoke. Oh, God, I'm hit."
Archer
"Like what, Cyril? I'm blind. - No, us. Here."
Archer
"Oh. - Krieger, Bilbo."
Archer
"Come on, can't you guys do something?"
Archer
"Wha...? No."
Archer
"Oh, wait, I meant yes."
Archer
"Roger that, Zebra-Two. Stand by."
Archer
"Helo's 10-4, just needs you to upload their GPS coordinates..."
Archer
"So thank Cyril for the tiny brown diamond."
Archer
"What? Wait, did we get the diamond?"
Archer
"What? No. But Cyril, why did you have a diamond?"
Archer
"Oh, uh, just my ear-stud. You know, from college."
Archer
"Really? Called it."
Archer
"And, again, you do realize it'll be totally destroyed in the process."
Archer
"- Wait a second. Damn it, we don't have a second."
Archer
"Lana, I'm sure we have one second."
Archer
"But seriously, it does sound like we're about to be overrun, so..."
Archer
"- Hey, yeah. - No!"
Archer
"- Krieger, this is not the time for this. - It is exactly the time."
Archer
"You ever wanna see your son again?"
Archer
"Not at the number you quoted me."
Archer
"Mother! - That number is pegged..."
Archer
"to the consumer price index."
Archer
"Jesus, take it out of our bonuses. What?"
Archer
"Mother, no, listen to me. Aah!"
Archer
"I'm hit. I'm hit and I'm blind."
Archer
"Jesus, Ms. Archer, your child is dying."
Archer
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