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Clips from NewsRadio - Rat Funeral (S02E02)

Should we be wearing any sort of protective headgear?

"Should we be wearing any sort of protective headgear?"

NewsRadio

Who would want to do a thing like that?

"Who would want to do a thing like that?"

NewsRadio

Rat lovers.

"Rat lovers."

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they could be your next-door neighbor,

"they could be your next-door neighbor,"

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but inside there's something weird.

"but inside there's something weird."

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do they walk amongst us daily?

"do they walk amongst us daily?"

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Just because I work with my hands

"Just because I work with my hands"

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doesn't mean I don't understand sarcasm.

"doesn't mean I don't understand sarcasm."

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I'm sorry. I was just joking.

"I'm sorry. I was just joking."

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I thought I heard you say, "Ow."

"I thought I heard you say, "Ow.""

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Doing fine. Thanks for asking.

"Doing fine. Thanks for asking."

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may have been deliberately setting off the rat traps.

"may have been deliberately setting off the rat traps."

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His name is Mike.

"His name is Mike."

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And he's missing most of his tail.

"And he's missing most of his tail."

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Just pokes his little head out when it's quiet.

"Just pokes his little head out when it's quiet."

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Uh-huh. Yeah. He loves those things.

"Uh-huh. Yeah. He loves those things."

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Oh, gosh. Does anybody here remember

"Oh, gosh. Does anybody here remember"

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as people have made it out to be.

"as people have made it out to be."

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No?

"No?"

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you'd like to go by the zoo and shoot goats.

"you'd like to go by the zoo and shoot goats."

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You have to understand.

"You have to understand."

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So there must have been quite a hubbub

"So there must have been quite a hubbub"

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when that cow got loose, huh?

"when that cow got loose, huh?"

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Mike is many things to many people.

"Mike is many things to many people."

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Maybe you're not ready

"Maybe you're not ready"

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But you probably hated that movie, didn't you?

"But you probably hated that movie, didn't you?"

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it's all yours.

"it's all yours."

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Great. Everyone's here.

"Great. Everyone's here."

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Now, I've already talked to the super,

"Now, I've already talked to the super,"

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Are you sure it's Mike?

"Are you sure it's Mike?"

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white with a racing stripe.

"white with a racing stripe."

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Thanks for waiting for me.

"Thanks for waiting for me."

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Oh, come now.

"Oh, come now."

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You feel nothing.

"You feel nothing."

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but your office smells terrible.

"but your office smells terrible."

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rotting in a box on my desk.

"rotting in a box on my desk."

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Oh, yeah. How did that go, by the way?

"Oh, yeah. How did that go, by the way?"

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People, if we could have a little respect?

"People, if we could have a little respect?"

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No...

"No..."

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I'd actually like to join you,

"I'd actually like to join you,"

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Does anyone have anything they would like to say

"Does anyone have anything they would like to say"

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before we do this?

"before we do this?"

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and, uh...

"and, uh..."

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Bill, could you say a few words?

"Bill, could you say a few words?"

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of one tiny candle.

"of one tiny candle."

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Dave, could you help us with the incinerator chute?

"Dave, could you help us with the incinerator chute?"

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Do you want to do it, Dave?

"Do you want to do it, Dave?"

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Okay.

"Okay."

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[THUDDING]

"[THUDDING]"

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[THUDDING]

"[THUDDING]"

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You guys, I saw Mike! He's alive!

"You guys, I saw Mike! He's alive!"

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or a tasty bean.

"or a tasty bean."

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So as we bid farewell to Mike,

"So as we bid farewell to Mike,"

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or Mike's friend, we'll never know for sure,

"or Mike's friend, we'll never know for sure,"

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we must remember that we--

"we must remember that we--"

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Um, someone had an overnight pickup?

"Um, someone had an overnight pickup?"

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[THUDDING]

"[THUDDING]"

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[LAUGHS]

"[LAUGHS]"

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Sir, I'm sorry.

"Sir, I'm sorry."

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Could you turn it down a little bit?

"Could you turn it down a little bit?"

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Thank you.

"Thank you."

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Thanks. Thank you, Dave.

"Thanks. Thank you, Dave."

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Oh, yeah. I guess, uh,

"Oh, yeah. I guess, uh,"

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when I was little.

"when I was little."

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I know. Mine was a cat, though.

"I know. Mine was a cat, though."

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So what kind of a dog was, um, was Woofy?

"So what kind of a dog was, um, was Woofy?"

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So, how did, um... Woofy.

"So, how did, um... Woofy."

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Ran away.

"Ran away."

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I had a cat, you know...

"I had a cat, you know..."

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Open up a little.

"Open up a little."

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ALL: No!

"ALL: No!"

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I told you you didn't want to hear it.

"I told you you didn't want to hear it."

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Well, he can't help that, right?

"Well, he can't help that, right?"

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playful as a kitten.

"playful as a kitten."

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Does that get me anything at all?

"Does that get me anything at all?"

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You wanted to see me?

"You wanted to see me?"

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Uh... have a seat.

"Uh... have a seat."

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I just wanted to thank you for your advice.

"I just wanted to thank you for your advice."

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in some kind of "How to Manipulate Employees" manual?

"in some kind of "How to Manipulate Employees" manual?"

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that I'm cold and unemotional?

"that I'm cold and unemotional?"

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Let me ask you this, Dave...

"Let me ask you this, Dave..."

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when was the last time you cried?

"when was the last time you cried?"

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Uh... let me think.

"Uh... let me think."

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I got a lump in my throat.

"I got a lump in my throat."

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the ovation was still going.

"the ovation was still going."

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Hey, Bill, what's the word?

"Hey, Bill, what's the word?"

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Hey, Dave.

"Hey, Dave."

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Uh, yes, I did, sir.

"Uh, yes, I did, sir."

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Mike was many things to many people.

"Mike was many things to many people."

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he was a way of escaping

"he was a way of escaping"

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the horrors they report on every day.

"the horrors they report on every day."

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The rat.

"The rat."

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I've got to be more sensitive to my employees.

"I've got to be more sensitive to my employees."

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I put them down in case there are any more rats.

"I put them down in case there are any more rats."

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Well, we're not gonna need these,

"Well, we're not gonna need these,"

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are no longer with us,

"are no longer with us,"

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and there aren't any rats in the office.

"and there aren't any rats in the office."

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There is a rat

"There is a rat"

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and stay away from the kitchenette for a while?

"and stay away from the kitchenette for a while?"

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Dave, you have a heart of stone.

"Dave, you have a heart of stone."

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He's got, uh...

"He's got, uh..."

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[THUD]

"[THUD]"

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You don't want to know.

"You don't want to know."

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Did it quickly and humanely.

"Did it quickly and humanely."

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and I crushed his skull with a dictionary.

"and I crushed his skull with a dictionary."

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Dude!

"Dude!"

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they'll be grateful.

"they'll be grateful."

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But try not to make a habit

"But try not to make a habit"

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of killing small animals just to impress us.

"of killing small animals just to impress us."

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There's two over here

"There's two over here"

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and one over there by the copier.

"and one over there by the copier."

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Make that two by the copier, Dave.

"Make that two by the copier, Dave."

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Wait. I'd like to say a few words.

"Wait. I'd like to say a few words."

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Actually, I'd really like to get out of here.

"Actually, I'd really like to get out of here."

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We all kind of do. Yeah.

"We all kind of do. Yeah."

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we loved him enough for dozens of rats,

"we loved him enough for dozens of rats,"

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and that's all that counts.

"and that's all that counts."

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Okay. Does anybody else

"Okay. Does anybody else"

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have anything they want to say?

"have anything they want to say?"

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I think in July

"I think in July"

NewsRadio

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