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Clips from Veep - Baseball (S01E01)

"-Hey, Mike. -Hi, ma'am."
Veep
"Yes. On the phone you said the press is saying that she's pregnant."
Veep
"What? Why am I repugnant?"
Veep
"-Lower that. -You're right, we need to get this over with."
Veep
"So pleased to be shaking your hand right at this moment."
Veep
"-It's wonderful to see you, too. -Just delighted."
Veep
"Well, I'm so sorry I was a little bit late,"
Veep
"You're right. I do do a proper man's job. I do."
Veep
"And you really wanna show it"
Veep
"Hooray"
Veep
"-Fun day. Thank you so... -Wasn't it great?"
Veep
"Don't touch."
Veep
"I mean, if I may, sir, it's... It's food-nomenal, really. It really is."
Veep
"MAN 1: With that construction outside, man,"
Veep
"I was stuck in traffic for two hours."
Veep
"SELINA: Yeah."
Veep
"Come on, ma'am, just some small talk. Even tiny talk will do."
Veep
"Yeah, I know. I'm gonna do it."
Veep
"MAN 2: God, what a waste of a morning."
Veep
"If you ever want me to confess, don't rip out my fingernails,"
Veep
"You okay? You seem to be phoning it in a little."
Veep
"I'm talking salad wraps and body mass index to these idiots."
Veep
"All right, here. You take that."
Veep
"I'm building up the energy right now."
Veep
"-Hi, guys. -Hello."
Veep
"Hello."
Veep
"and then you guys can get moving."
Veep
"What a productive morning."
Veep
"Can you envision selling some of these items at any of your stores, do you think?"
Veep
"-Oh, sure. -Yeah. Some wraps, maybe."
Veep
"-Yeah, wraps. -Grapes."
Veep
"I mean, grapes are always good, right?"
Veep
"Grapes are... Hey, you can't beat grapes."
Veep
"Those yellow things look... So..."
Veep
"Well, I'll tell you it's all local"
Veep
"Orgasmic is more like it, right?"
Veep
"I'll have some of what you're having."
Veep
"We don't have to have pictures taken here right now, okay?"
Veep
"-Sorry. -Oh, no. It's fine."
Veep
"You back to DC. tonight, Gary?"
Veep
"No, he..."
Veep
"No, a baseball stadium."
Veep
"A man's man, a jock. (GRUNTS)"
Veep
"I meant for him."
Veep
"-AMY: Jesus. -Okay, you know what, Ken?"
Veep
"Nobody needs to know which of my eyebrow hairs needs to be plucked."
Veep
"-Okay? All right. -Sorry."
Veep
"What's going on with this group shot?"
Veep
"Just keep smiling."
Veep
"...upside-down."
Veep
"-Okay. -Okay."
Veep
"-Yeah, I've noticed. -And his hands are really small."
Veep
"It's his feely, little, touchy, hot hands."
Veep
"Someone needs to tell him that he's working with the White House"
Veep
"If I may, it's food-nomenal, really."
Veep
"Mm-hmm."
Veep
"a lot of wine was drunk and Springsteen was listened to"
Veep
"and things got a little bit out of hand."
Veep
"You stole a car?"
Veep
"We had unprotected sex,"
Veep
"It's a possibility, Amy."
Veep
"one right after the other, and it would be totally fine."
Veep
"I mean, no, it wouldn't be totally fine. I mean, that would be a horrible thing."
Veep
"The bag has got one big storage area"
Veep
"-Wow! -Right?"
Veep
"-That is a lot to remember, Gary. -I know, I know."
Veep
"But can you do it without looking?"
Veep
"-Ooh. -Ooh."
Veep
"-Wipes. -Scented, unscented?"
Veep
"-Ma'am. -Let's get moving!"
Veep
"-You know you'll have to keep it. -I know."
Veep
"Unless we go on some sort of special vacation to Mexico"
Veep
"and kill the doctor in the desert."
Veep
"Father know?"
Veep
"What, are you kidding me? What am I, 15?"
Veep
"This is a 5D."
Veep
"-Not a 1D? -No."
Veep
"You shoot a lot of sports? Moving action?"
Veep
"You take hundreds of pictures of herons catching fish?"
Veep
"Because otherwise you don't need a 1D."
Veep
"Right, but I have a 1D."
Veep
"Yeah."
Veep
"Can you get me a real coffee instead of this fucking beige paint they're serving, okay?"
Veep
"Can I get some of the..."
Veep
"-This is what we're gonna do. -What?"
Veep
"Listen, will you get the tests on the way to the school, please?"
Veep
"Obviously this is in our little circle of two."
Veep
"-Obviously. -Yeah."
Veep
"MIKE: Hey, Jonah. How's the weather up there in your asshole?"
Veep
"Hey, did you get those local business initiatives"
Veep
"I sent over from the President?"
Veep
"Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Looking at them right now."
Veep
"Oh. (LAUGHS)"
Veep
"One day you're gonna wake up"
Veep
"Gotta go, Jonah. Got incoming."
Veep
"Selina might be pregnant. What do we wanna do?"
Veep
"is if she's assassinated before she starts showing."
Veep
"Okay. I guess I'll just add this to the press release."
Veep
"People can start taking bets."
Veep
"You know that this needs to be way under the lid."
Veep
"-Bye. -All good?"
Veep
"Let's go knock the socks off of some seven-year-olds."
Veep
"Dad, Dad, I like beer."
Veep
"I just can't open it the way you do."
Veep
"Shit, yeah. Shit, yeah."
Veep
"Where the fuck is coffee?"
Veep
"So that whole stadium day was like a networking orgy for you, right?"
Veep
"Yeah, yeah. Business card bukkake."
Veep
"You know, you should get something while we're here."
Veep
"Razor blades, a large amount of pain killers."
Veep
"Holy shit."
Veep
"Amy, come on, career-wise, that's like joining Scientology"
Veep
"or getting a fucking neck tattoo."
Veep
"Thanks for the support."
Veep
"So I guess you're gonna be needing maternity leave."
Veep
"I'd be the obvious choice for your replacement."
Veep
"That is literally your first thought?"
Veep
"No. My first thought was, There goes your figure."
Veep
"But I didn't say that 'cause I thought it would be upsetting."
Veep
"Thanks. You know, if it's a boy, maybe I'll name him after you."
Veep
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