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Clips from Mike Tyson Mysteries - Pits and Peaks (S04E04)

"Season 04 Episode 05 Episode Title: "Pits and Peaks""
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"[Theme music playing] *MIKE TYSON MYSTERIES*"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"See, this is why you put in all that hard work during the week,"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"to get to the end of the week."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Or as I sometimes call it, the "weekend.""
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"What do you guys call it?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"I call it the weekend."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Shut up."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"No, Michael, I think everyone calls it the weekend."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"I just said shut up."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Now, shut the [bleep] up."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"You're ruining my weekend with all your jibber-jabber."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Weekdays are for jibber-jabber,"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"weekends are for... Wait, what are they for, Marquess?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Uh... Rest and relaxation?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Yeah, that's right. Rest and relaxation."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"I love hearing you talk, Marquess. It relaxes me."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Put me in that weekend state of mind."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"- Oopsie. Five-second rule. - [Pigeon] Hey, what the..."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"- [Pigeon screaming] - Cannonball!"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"[Pigeon screaming]"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Let's go around the table and say our pits and peaks."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"All right, Pigeon, let's start with you."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Well, let me see."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"I would say the peak of my day was,"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"well, any moment before being burned alive."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"And the pit of my day..."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"I'm not a negative person, so, these are always hard to think of,"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"but I'd say it's a tie between forgetting to record the opening round of the Masters"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"and being burned alive!"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"How about you, Yung?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"- Pit and peak. - Sorry for interrupting,"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"but I have finished my dinner. May I please be excused?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Um, sure."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Can I offer anyone coffee?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Oh. I would love a cup."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"I said "Can I" not "May I." Burn."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"But can I please have a cup of coffee in the living room?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Hey, Deezy, you didn't wanna join us for dinner?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"You said you didn't want me to join you for dinner."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Oh, that's right."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Hey, what you got on that computer?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Oh, I'm just checking out the Nevada State Treasurer's Office website."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"You know, seeing if there's any unclaimed funds out there."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"You know, any money that has gone missing in the mail or what have you."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Every dollar counts."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Hey, put my name in there too. Let's see if I have anything in those unclaimed funds."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Did you ever live at 17-4-9-7, East Tuckey Avenue?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"- Oh, yeah. - Then you got $1,981 coming to you"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"from Western Savings and Loan."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Oh, damn!"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"See that, Mike? I get you that money."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Put it in Yung's name. Her missing money is my money."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"How do you spell "Yung"? No MSG, right? [laughs]"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Hey, is that a race joke because she's Asian?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"What? I was just... I mean,"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"I was just trying to connect, you know, on a human level."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"I'm sorry. I just felt like I don't belong and nobody likes me."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"So, I thought I'd be the funny guy."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Everybody likes the funny guy."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"You gotta know your role, Deezy, Yung is the funny guy."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Yung, say something funny."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"- What do you mean? - [laughs]"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"It's now what she says, it's how she say it."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Let's see if Marquess is in there."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Marquess, what's your last name?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Well, for starters, "Marquess" isn't my first name."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"As I have said on numerous occasions,"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"my name is John Douglas."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"My title is "Marquess of Queensberry.""
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"And because "Marquess" sounds like "Marcus,""
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"and because you are all monstrously ignorant and lazy,"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"you call me "Marquess.""
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"And because I don't give a shit anymore, I respond."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Nope, nothing in Nevada for John Douglas."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Well, uh, I lived in Scotland. Can you search there?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"[Deezy] Mmm-hmm."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Okay, here's a John Douglas."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"There's an unclaimed account in your name at the Royal Bank of Scotland."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Yes. [gasps] That was my bank!"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"I think I had a small savings there."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"- Well, it's not small anymore. - What?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"£3,420,000?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"That's almost $5 million."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"[laughs] I'm telling you, it's the way she says things."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Oh, my God. I'm rich."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"I'm rich! Oh, I'm gonna buy so many things."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"[gasps] First thing? Yep."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"First thing I'm gonna do is get a brand new wardrobe."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"I mean, what is this old-timey [bleep]?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"It's never gonna come back in style."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"I look like I'm in a [bleep] Jane Austen novel. Oh, my God."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"You know what else we're gonna get? A new [bleep] car."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"I am sick of that shitty van."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"We look like a gang of child molesters in that thing."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Okay, Deezy, how do I get my money?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Huh. Normally, you just put in your information and they send it to you,"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"but this says, if it's been unclaimed for more than ten years,"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"-you have to physically go in to the bank. - Oh!"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Then I guess I know where this week's mystery takes place."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Scotland, bitches!"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Oh, well... Uh... What about this mystery?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
""Dear, Mike Tyson Mystery Team,"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
""the hospital where my wife is on life support"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"is threatening to pull the plug on Friday."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"But I know she'll wake up. We just need more time."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Please come help. Her life is in your hands.""
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"[laughs]"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Hey, man, we gotta go get you on the"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"tonight Show with Johnny Carson, man."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"You are just too funny."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"[call button dings]"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Okay, um, I'll go ahead and order another"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"- right now, just to save time. - Thanks."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Oh, really? So, you're just gonna judge me the entire flight to Scotland?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"I'm sure that woman will be fine."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"There things always have a way of working themselves out."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"And I'm sorry, but who are we to play God?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Okay, you know what? Judge away, just judge away."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"I'm gonna get my buzz on."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
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