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Clips from Schitt's Creek - Opening Night (S03E03)

"where is my portfolio?!"
Schitt's Creek
"perhaps that was just a night terror."
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"- David, - Oh my God!"
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"Um David, I thought we agreed,"
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"Nobody was home!"
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"Nice to meet you, Jacob."
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"You've... rented out my office space?!"
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"Oh... yeah."
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"how long have you been here for?"
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"Why, are you writing a true crime novel?"
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"Ahh..."
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"- Okay. - Okay."
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"What the flying (bleep) is going on here?!"
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"I was gonna ask you the same thing!"
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"Well, he dropped me off at work this morning."
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"and second, who's to say we're not getting his sloppy thirds?!"
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"Yeah, well, I just needed to get away for a while, you know?"
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"plagued by a centuries-old curse!"
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"- Go for it, Bob. - Ohhh!"
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"Ronnie, you have whispers of a maternal instinct."
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"Well, first, I wanna say thank you, Amy,"
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"It's very "Screamnastic.""
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"and see how things are going then?"
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"Oh, we don't call them that."
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"That's a nice chair."
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"Wait, did you not know that?"
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"So you're not extending the hours?"
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"Do we really want Big Brother programming every waking minute"
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"- It's an absolutely. - Absolutely what?"
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"- approach. I don't... - Ahem!"
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"Yeah, Mutt asked me to just pop by,"
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"Well, I like to plan things sometimes."
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"I'm pretty sure the compass is broken, though."
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"it wouldn't hurt to bring a map."
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"And take care of the place."
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"Yeah, that was weird."
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"so I thought I would take him home"
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"Well, I need something."
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"Not at this exact moment perhaps,"
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"one of the most talented people in this family."
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"Okay..."
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"- Thanks. - Perfect."
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"A toast!"
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"David, this isn't funny!"
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"I have my first Town Hall meeting in an hour,"
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"Uh, why... why would I know where your portfolio is?"
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"You were bedazzling it last night."
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"Excuse me?"
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"I haven't bedazzled anything since I was 22."
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"David, you were dressed like a harlequin,"
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"and you were gluing shiny jewels..."
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"Um... oh God."
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"Okay."
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"Oh."
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"Well! Uh..."
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"Hello."
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"Hi, uh, I'm-I'm Jake."
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"Oh, of course you are."
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"- David? - Um, Jake, this is my mother."
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"Listen, I'm really sorry,"
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"I didn't think anybody would be home."
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"Okay, nobody was supposed to be home."
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"Nobody was supposed to be home, so..."
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"You were supposed to be at lunch,"
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"why-why are-why were you not at lunch?!"
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"David, stop acting like a disgruntled pelican!"
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"I came home from lunch because I realized"
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"- I misplaced my portfolio. - ... folio."
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"So we're-I'm gonna... we're gonna look for it."
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"we're looking for your mother's portfol..."
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"Oh. Oh! Okay."
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"Hello, uh, Johnny Rose. You are?"
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"- Jake. - Yes, welcome, welcome, Jake."
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"I see uh, David's made you feel right at home."
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"- Okay, Dad! - John..."
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"No, no, no, I'm just saying, carry on doing..."
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"whatever you're doing, or not... doing."
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"- Okay. - I mean, I see things"
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"- No. Got it, got it... - are wrapping up here, so..."
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"- so much. - Oh my God!"
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"- Oh my God! - Alexis, this is Jake."
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"We seem to have caught the boys in a..."
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"In an "afternoon delight.""
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"- Is that term still a going thing? - No, that's no."
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"- No, never say that again. - Don't do that."
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"only when nobody was home."
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"- Nobody was home! - Oh, here it is!"
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"Ha ha ha!"
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"If you take half as much care of our son"
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"- as you do your physique, - Okay!"
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"David should be in very good hands."
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"Yes, well, not-not your hands,"
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"- Mhmm, yep. Bye! - but uh... generally speaking..."
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"Well, I hope it was worth it."
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"Okay, I think you can take a step outside."
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"You can step outside while this is happening."
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"Let him change."
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"You're like a predator!"
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"Um..."
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"Resynced by hakkikt from Aaronnmb version www.MY-SUBS.com"
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"Okay, and so the last four digits"
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"on that credit card number are 6-3-1-2?"
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"Great, and the security code on the back?"
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"Bob, who's sitting at my desk?"
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"Your next big opportunity, that's who."
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"What opportunity?"
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"Well, Cal's doing big business,"
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"and since you two are sharing an office,"
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"uh, I thought you might wanna get in on some of it."
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"Sharing an office?"
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"Well, Johnny, you weren't exactly paying rent,"
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"and Cal's business is booming."
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"I should add that registration is totally free,"
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"there's no charge whatsoever for registration,"
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"there's just a small monetary..."
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"And what business is this?"
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"Antivirus. The guy's amazing."
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"Okay, you'll be receiving your CD-ROM in the mail"
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"within the next two weeks,"
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"and you'll know the software is working"
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