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Clips from The Simpsons - Children of a Lesser Clod (S12E12)

"Now how did this happen?"
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"Maybe a little morphine would refresh my memory."
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"I don't know. I'm still a little hazy."
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"Ga! Oh, yeah."
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"- Now I remember it like it was yesterday. - It happened today."
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"Hey, man, you're harshing my buzz."
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"Anyway, it all started when I was-"
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"You go, Homer."
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"Ow! Jetson!"
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"We've got to get you into surgery."
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"Maybe a little morphine would get me there quicker."
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"- What spinal cord injury? - Oh, he fell off the gurney."
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"Miss work? But my life would be nothing without the nucleon plant."
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"You shouldn't have ordered all those hospital haircuts and porno films."
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"But Doctor Screwlittle sounded like a delightful romp."
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"But you don't have to worry about the bill."
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"Two weeks? What am I supposed to do?"
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"Just sit on my ass and watch TV? That ain't my style, man."
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"Would you make me someJell-O?"
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"Sorry. I got a baseball game in 15 minutes."
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"And I've got a rally for Take Back the Afternoon."
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"So, the tables have turned!"
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"There goes my wagging finger."
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"Hitch up your pants, air whittle."
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"Sure, it is."
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"I know. I'll breed the pets... to each other."
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"# Let's get it on ##"
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"Quitters!"
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"Hey, Homer."
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"My babysitter canceled, and I got tickets to a Christian rock concert."
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"Well, Marge isn't here. She had to identify a body at the morgue."
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"That's not my Uncle Lou. And this man's not dead."
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"That's what I've been trying to tell you!"
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"Would you mind watching the kids? I'm kinda in a pickle here."
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"Well, they would keep me company."
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"Mr. Simpson, can we have another jelly and candy sandwich?"
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"Daddy said it's rude to call grown-ups by their first name."
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"Daddy's not here, is he?"
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"Now my good man, what do you like to play?"
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"With the pokey and the man... and the-"
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"That is the darnedest thing."
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"So did you boys have a good time?"
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"Yeah. Mr. Simpson was really funny."
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"Yeah. Well, how was the concert?"
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"Anyway, thanks again."
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"Oh, Roddy, he's not running a day care center."
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"So you are running a day care center?"
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"Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?"
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"Oh, I sure would. It would give the boys a place to go after school."
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"It's just a legal thing to protect me."
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"Is your knee really gross under there?"
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"- See for yourself. - Ew!"
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"- Can I touch it? - Sure. Go for the gusto."
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"It's healing over my hand."
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"It knows you're afraid."
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"Why, Homer, your surgical incision is completely healed."
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"Wonderful! Being with those kids gives me a high only morphine can top."
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"- You got any? - Always with the morphine."
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"Mmm."
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"I've never seen the baby get tired of it before the adult."
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"Peek... a... boo!"
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"Uncle Homer, will you sing that crazy song we love?"
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"# Is that all there is #"
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"till your knee was better."
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"Yes. But then I discovered the joys of raising children."
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"- What about us? - Don't worry, honey."
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"Then you'll know my joy."
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"It's so cool."
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"He read me a story about Chinese food."
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"# If you're happy and you know it, say a swear #"
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"How come parents are always nicer to other kids than they are to their own?"
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"I guess Dad just takes us for granted."
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"Well, don't worry."
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"This'll give his heartstrings a much-needed plucking."
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"Aw, what a beautiful frame."
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"Sweet. Mm-hmm."
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"Hang on, everybody!"
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"Three... two... one, blast off!"
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"That was "tree-mendous!" Where's Ralph?"
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"I almost died!"
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"We honor people who make life better for the community."
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"Like you with your day care center."
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"- I contributed by not objecting too much. - Aw, that's my girl."
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"Don't film this!"
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"Uh, excuse me. This is a hot set. No visitors."
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"- It's my room. - Well, if you want, you can sit on this."
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"- Teamsters are sleeping in my room. - We'rejust resting our eyes."
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"'Cause the thing is there are no bad kids."
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"Sorry. Daddy thought you were a pile of cable."
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"Tell me about the Homer Cares Program."
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"Well, I've been cutting the felt kind of crooked."
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"No. We've gotta show the world what Dad's really like."
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"Back to normal."
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"#And tonight we honor you ##"
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"One more line, and we have to pay for the song!"
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"- Now, is anyone here from Springfield? - You know we are!"
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"And the nominees are..."
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"and Mother Teresa Junior."
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"And the winner is... Principal Skinner!"
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"Now I'm told there's a glitch in our Internet webcast."
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"So all of you out there, type " control backslash semicolon alt dot escape"..."
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"Hey, hey. Hey, hey. Hey, hey. Hey, hey."
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"We'd like to thank our sponsor, Hanson's Hypno-Coins."
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"Now, every year we find one Good Samaritan so deserving that not recognizing him..."
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"would make Santa Claus himself vomit with rage."
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"Who writes this stuff?"
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"Homer Simpson!"
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"Yes!"
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"All my love has come back in trophy form."
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"It looks like any other home in America."
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"I guess you could sum up Homer in two words:"
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"Big phony!"
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"This is the real Homer Simpson-"
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"A beer-drinking meanie!"
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"Huh?"
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"And he gambles like crazy."
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"Oh! I almost had a straight!"
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"Come to new papa."
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"Hey, what's the deal?"
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"That is completely taken out of context!"
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