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Clips from Gilligan's Island - Diogenes, Won't You Please Go Home? (S01E01)

"Gilligan, I have never heard a more weird fabrication."
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"You like the way I told it?"
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"Gilligan, I have just written our experience"
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"with that Japanese sailor in my diary."
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"- Your diary? - Yes."
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"So that the whole world will know the truth"
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"after we're rescued."
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"In these pages, Gilligan, is exactly what happened."
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"Why, if it hadn't been for my heroic feats"
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"'you wouldn't even be here.'"
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"- I wouldn't? - Now, hear this."
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""One by one, my fellow castaways disappeared."
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""In spite of my warnings that there was danger afoot"
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""they wandered off only to be captured by the enemy."
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"I found myself all alone except for Gilligan.""
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"What's the matter, boy?"
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"Oh, sir, all of our friends are captured."
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"I'm aware of that."
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"A Japanese sailor is going to kill them."
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"Kill them?"
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"Ha! Not while I have the use of these two arms."
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"Oh, sir.."
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"He has guns and things and.."
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"All you have is your bare hands."
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"I shall go forth and free our friends"
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"- But what if you are captured? - You shall never know that lad."
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"For you would hear nothing but my steady breathing"
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"throughout histortures."
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"[band music]"
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"- Skipper, we're doomed. - Oh, I'm too young to die."
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"Oh, if I could just see my darling, Thurston, once more."
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"Trust me, madam, to see to it"
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"that you and your husband are soon reunited."
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"(Skipper) Oh! A live hand grenade."
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"Stand back, ladies."
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"then it goes off."
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"[boom]"
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"Skipper, what a brave and dangerous thing you've done."
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"Now, it's time for famous Japanese water torture."
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"I thought it was the Chinese water torture."
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"They copied from Japan."
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"You know I got a good mind not to torture you."
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"I have many questions to ask for you to answer."
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"Alright now. Drop by drop."
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"- That's a mighty big blop. - I can show you--"
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"No, you don't. Not as long as I am alive"
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"you don't even get name or serial number."
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"Skipper, you have come to save me."
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"Nothing can save you or him."
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"Oh!"
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"[speaking Japanese]"
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"[speaking Japanese]"
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"That's not nice."
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"Oh! Have you got.."
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"And that, Gilligan, is actually what happened."
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"It is?"
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"Of course, I have omitted some of the parts"
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"where I acted far and above the call of duty."
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"Now, if it wouldn't be too much trouble"
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"I have more that I want to write."
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"Uh, Gilligan."
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"Your bayonet."
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"No, it's just I'm a little mixed up."
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"Not an unusual state, I might add."
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"I was talking to Skipper about the Japanese sailor"
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"and he remembers everything different."
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"Well, fortunately, we don't have to depend on memories."
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"See, I jotted it all down in my journal."
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"Oh!"
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"- You did. What happened to me? - You were shot."
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"Oh, no. That's the wrong page."
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""Menace stalked our tiny little island."
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""Despite all my efforts to protect 'em"
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""the women were captured."
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""I did the only thing I could"
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"I allowed myself to be captured too.""
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"[dramatic music]"
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"Howell, I never thought he could outwit you."
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"A ruse. Clever devise on my part, my boy."
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"Getting captured?"
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"Very few men would've thought about it."
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"- How do we escape now? - Ha ha ha."
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"You just leave everything to me, huh?"
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"- 'How did you ever do that?' - Top secret, my boy."
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"Top secret."
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"Keep an eye open, I must rescue everyone."
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"Oh-ho. It's the time for execution."
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"Please, I'm just a young innocent boy."
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"Oh, it make no difference. It's time for execution."
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"I'm stalling for time, so one of my brave friends can rescue me."
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"Oh, it's one big laugh. Ha!"
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"And a double laugh. Ha ha."
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"Alright now. Don't move."
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"[speaking Japanese]"
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"I am saved."
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"How so? We see who is saved."
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"Never fear, Gilligan. Thurston is here."
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"Ooh!"
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"[instrumental music]"
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"Ahoy!"
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"Sir, thank you."
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"Come. Let us set the others free."
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"No need to worry them, my boy."
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"I'm sure you remember now. Hmm?"
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"You and the Skipper sure don't agree."
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"That doesn't matter to me, what is important is"
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"I recorded thewhole thing for posterity."
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"Anytime at all, feel free to call on me."
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"Right."
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"- Ginger. - Yeah!"
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"- Can I bother you for a minute? - Of course."
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"You remember when the Japanese sailor was here on the island?"
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"- The Japanese sailor? - Yeah."
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"- Oh! That's reel 5. - You were rescued?"
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"No. No, I rescued you."
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"Oh, you remember it too."
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"You see. You were tied to a tree"
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"'and I came through the jungle.'"
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"You know, Japanese sailor, sir."
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"I'm not the only one here on the island."
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