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Clips from Gilligan's Island - Diogenes, Won't You Please Go Home? (S01E01)

"- I forgot where I hid it. - Wait till I tell the others."
Gilligan's Island
"That's the valuable possession that Gilligan's been hiding."
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"I thought it was something worth a fortune like a rare jewel."
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"I thought it was a bag of black pearls."
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"I know what it was. You can't fool Thurston Howell the third."
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"You thought it was a bottle of scotch."
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"Great difference between a bottle of scotch and a diary."
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"Not to Dean Martin. Fast."
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"The mystery has been solved, he's merely been keeping a diary"
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"of our life here on the island."
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"So, now we can all relax."
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"(Skipper) Hey, wait a minute, I wonder what Gilligan wrote about me."
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"(Ginger) Oh, my Gosh! I got to read what he wrote."
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"(Thurston) Good heavens! Will he defame the Howell name?"
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"- Hi, Gilligan. - Hi, Skipper."
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"- Fish biting good? - No, not so good."
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"You know what I'm gonna do after we get rescued?"
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"I'm gonna get myself a new ship. Guess who'll be my first mate."
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"- Skinny Dave Davis? - 'Guess again.'"
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"- Pats O'Mulligan? - No, you."
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"- Me? - Of course."
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"If people say bad things about me, nobody would give me a ship."
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"Who would say bad things about you?"
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"If I was to blame for the record that I was a bad officer"
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"'I couldn't handle men, people could say those things.'"
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"Yeah, I guess, they could."
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"In that case, could I have just a have wee peek?"
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"- 'A peek at your diary?' - No, I couldn't do that."
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"Gilligan, not even where I'm mentioned?"
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"Gilligan, as your skipper, I demand it."
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"I'm sorry, Skipper, but it's private."
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"Hand me that diary, and that's an order."
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"- What if I say no? - I'll have you put in irons."
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"I thought you're gonna make me walk the plank."
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"The plank, yes. Then I'll have you keel-hauled."
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"Then I'll have you drawn and quartered."
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"- Skipper. - What?"
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"- How do you spell quartered? - Q-U-A-R-T-E-R-E-D."
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"Good fishing, little buddy."
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"- I can't. - You don't understand?"
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"I'd like to show you my diary, but I can't."
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"- I thought that you liked me. - I do."
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"Don't you want me to be a famous movie star in the whole world?"
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"- Sure. - Then show me your diary."
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"And I'll take it to Hollywood"
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"and they'll make a big motion picture."
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"- They will? - Uh-huh."
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"Don't you want to be my co-star?"
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"- Me and the movies? - Sure."
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"We'll have lots of scenes together."
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"Kissing scenes."
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"- And hugging? - Uh-huh."
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"And we'll rehearse it over and over and over.."
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"I, Thurston Howell the third. Creator of careers."
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"Builder of men's minds, shaper of their souls"
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"Don't think I don't appreciate what you're saying."
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"It's just that I don't understand it."
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"Leave the thinking to me, you see."
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"Hand the diary over to me, and I'll publish it."
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"'I'll make you toast to the literary world.'"
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"- 'An author par excellence.' - But you'll read it."
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"Well, as a publisher, it'd be my duty to read it."
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"- I couldn't let you do that. - I'm not an ordinary man."
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"I'm an outstanding citizen of community."
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"A man known for his compassion, for his consideration."
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"- Mr. Howell-- - Will you be quiet?"
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"Man known for his courtesy and thoughtfulness to his fellowman."
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"- But Mr. Howell-- - Shut up!"
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"Mr. Howell, I'm sorry, it's private."
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"Fie, knave."
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"Mark my words, you cross swords with Thurston Howell III"
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"the king of the beasts--"
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"- Mr. Howell? - Yes."
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"How do you spell beasts?"
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"Large B-E-A-S-T."
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"Don't expect me to write anything tonight."
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"Cause you're not going to be here."
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"You've caused me enough trouble, and you're not going to anymore."
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"Hey, Skipper."
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"You see that? I threw it into the lagoon."
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"'Hey, Ginger, I bet that was my high hard fast one.'"
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"Howell, I bet it went a mile. Hey, Mr. Howell did you.."
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"Oh, Gilligan, don't do that, don't do that."
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"Don't do what?"
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"they do with those dreadful things."
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"I wouldn't do a thing like that."
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"All I was doing was just looking at the bayonet and.."
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"- You're talking to me. - Of course, I am."
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"I talk to everybody, but I've a feeling sometime nobody listens."
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"I want to find out why they're mad at me."
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"Thurston explained that to me all last night."
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"What did he say?"
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"Something to do with your diary."
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"How did he put it?"
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"That nasty habit you have of always telling the truth."
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"That's probably why it's the truth."
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"You wouldn't be mad at me."
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"I wrote I look at you like a mother."
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"Ah, Gilligan, that's sweet of you."
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"But I don't think I will mention it."
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"- Why not? - I've an idea that he.."
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"...would rather not be considered your father."
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"I wish they'd all write their own diaries"
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"and maybe they'll stop being mad at me."
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"- What are you doing, Gilligan? - Whittling."
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"- Must you whittle? - I won't do if it bothers you."
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"It bothers me."
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"- And now? - Mumbley-peg."
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"Gilligan, give me that."
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"Bayonet.."
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"He didn't know the war was over. And he took them all prisoner."
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"Of course, I remember."
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"They were all locked up in a compound. I rescued them."
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"- You rescued them? - Sure, don't you remember?"
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"He was up sleeping on a tree."
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"I crept up and took the key around his neck."
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"- Skipper, how you doing? - Shh!"
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"Don't bother me, I'm doing fine."
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"Can you hold it for me?"
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"Thanks."
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