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Clips from Schitt's Creek - Allez-Vous (S01E01)

"When you return it, can you bring the seats back up,"
Schitt's Creek
"- I do. - Well, you don't."
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"Well, I think I do!"
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"- Here's the keys, - Thank you."
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"... and also, when you return it,"
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"because in the morning, I have to kinda crick..."
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"Yeah, I'll back it in, I'll back it in!"
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"My neck like that, if you could back it in that would be terrific."
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"Sure, I'll back it in."
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"I had to replace sooner than usual,"
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"- Now, I'm not asking... - I don't touch the wiper fluid!"
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"- Well, okay, somebody did. - I never use it."
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"Yeah well, I guess your "imaginary friend" uses wiper fluid, right?"
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"but whatever you think is fair would be terrific."
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"Okay, I never use it, though."
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"The radio was at a four. I like it at a ten, so..."
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"Okay, you know what, I'm gonna walk!"
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"- Where are you going? - I'm gonna walk, Roland!"
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"No, no, the truck's right there, what are you talking..."
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"I don't need your truck!"
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"I'm just asking, maybe you could put a little air"
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"in the tires, from time to time."
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"Bonjour!"
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"let's begin with those essential tips and tricks"
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"you'll need to make up to 600,000 dollars a year."
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"That's 50,000 a month,"
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"that's 7,000 dollars a week."
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"No, it isn't! She didn't finish high school."
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"but this isn't a scheme, it's a system."
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"Look at the work she's had done, it's grotesque."
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"Go grab a pen and paper,"
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"because I'm about to share with you some essential"
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"tips and tricks to maximize your sales productivity."
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"If this seems like a dream come true,"
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"you need to pay attention to my tips and tricks."
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"But the best part is, the products sell themselves!"
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"We've been watching this for five minutes,"
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"she's talking in circles!"
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"Because it's a scam!"
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"But if your father's willing to go out there"
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"and sell his soul, dear,"
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"the least we can do is try to sell this garbage."
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"What's this? Huh?"
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"Okay, let's sell it, how hard could it be?"
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"You sell you using Allez Vous."
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"Okay, we're going to have a luncheon."
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"A luncheon?"
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"It's the least we could do. Hmm!"
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"System, support, tips, tricks, community, opportunity, tips..."
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"Twyla?"
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"- Hey, what's up? - Nothing."
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"and he got home fries, so would you just be a peach, and..."
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"Oh, sorry."
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"I like home fries, I'm gonna eat 'em, so."
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"Okay, so I can take it back."
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"- That would actually be great, if you wouldn't... - No, no thank you."
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"Lex, if you'll just let me eat my breakfast here,"
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"it's not like there's broken glass in it."
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"There's broken glass?"
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"No, there is not broken glass in it,"
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"just a lot of great flavours that I can't wait to taste."
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"Thank you."
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"I do not like what this cleanse is doing to your brain."
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"You're being very rude!"
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"I'm sorry for yelling."
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"Ain't she a beaut?"
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"Boy, is she ever, Bob."
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"You know, I uh..."
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"Johnny, you've gotta buy yourself a car."
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"and you're gonna be in trouble."
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"Yeah, I wouldn't have thought this was your cup of tea."
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"Oh, this is exactly what I was looking for!"
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"Yeah, I'd love to take this baby out for a test drive."
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"Yeah? I've got the keys, let's take 'er for a spin."
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"Not with you, Bob, I don't wanna bother you."
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"It's no bother."
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"I would just love to take this out myself, Bob,"
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"you know, a little peccadillo of mine when I'm buying a car,"
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"I like to experience the car one on one,"
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"just me and the machine,"
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"you know what I mean?"
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"No, I don't."
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"I just wanna take it out for a test drive, Bob,"
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"just for a spin."
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"So... Once around the block?"
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"Oh yeah, once around the block,"
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"you know, maybe around the corner,"
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"What road?"
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"Well, this road, I'll take it up this road."
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"Okay, but no lefts, okay?"
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"Because they lead to the highway,"
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"and I really don't want her on the highway."
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"Why would I take it on the highway?"
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"♪ driving down that highway of life ♪"
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"♪ feelin' fine and feelin' sunny ♪"
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"♪ going to pick me up some money ♪"
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"You do know that just staring at the fence"
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"isn't gonna help me fix it, right?"
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"I'm just thinking about Ted, and how nice he is,"
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"and... generous,"
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"like, almost too generous."
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"And I just wanna grab him by the sweater sometime,"
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"and be like, "stop being so generous and nice!""
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"I feel bad thinking about all those times"
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"I pinned him against a locker."
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"You pinned somebody against a locker?!"
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"Well, I was a different person then,"
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"a lot changed since after high school."
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"So what did he do to make you such a teenage cliché?"
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"He always said hi when he passed me in the halls,"
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"and for some reason, it bugged me."
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"Yeah, I can see that."
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"So he's bugging you."
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"What? No! Oh my God, no!"
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"Oh yes."
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"No, I'm just saying, generally speaking,"
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"when you order breakfast and they give you the wrong order,"
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"send it back and get the right order."
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"I never return food, I think that's so rude."
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"Oh no!"
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