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Clips from Schitt's Creek - Allez-Vous (S01E01)

"It's a scam, it's her stupid cosmetics company!"
Schitt's Creek
"It's a pyramid scheme for desperate housewives,"
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"you're taking control of this situation."
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"- Hi! - Can't hear you."
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"But if could, I'd appreciate it, that'd be great."
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"if you don't mind just backing it in,"
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"The wiper fluid, um..."
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"I don't know! I'm not asking for payback here,"
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"- What do you mean you're walking? - I don't want your truck!"
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"It's gonna be there all day!"
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"Now that you've opened your Allez Vous starter kit,"
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"Now, you've heard of other get rich quick schemes,"
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"Okay, where are the tips and tricks?"
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"Oh, it's a sunless bronzing."
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"You sell you."
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"So um, Ted ordered toast, not home fries,"
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"No, you know what? It's okay. I'm good with it."
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"First day of a cleanse, so she's a little whoo!"
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"I'm just trying to help you."
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"Well, if you wanna help, eat something."
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"I woke up this morning, I said to myself,"
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"You may have a business meeting in Elmdale one day,"
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"up the road a bit."
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"Yeah, I am."
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"He always has been."
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"Argh! What the hell?!"
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"Okay, don't wanna tell me where we're going, interesting."
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"to get you to this meeting if I don't know where we're going!"
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"Oh my God, now you're in such a hurry."
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"David is setting out some hors d'oeuvres"
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"Can I come with you?"
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"Oh my God, ew, David!"
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"I suppose I'd be willing to share with you what I know."
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"First we need some information."
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"We can't give you money unless you contributed to the program."
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"I don't think you're understanding,"
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"You see, and now I'm unemployed."
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"You see, I need money to get back on my feet"
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"and you should've seen us!"
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"to the other half of town, and vice versa."
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"That's... that's funny."
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"Anywho, good luck!"
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"Johnny, how long is this gonna take,"
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"Marnie likes the bad boys."
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"I'm getting nothing!"
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"What were some of the things you fetched?"
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"- No, you'd pick up, you know... - Cleaning, his dry cleaning."
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"Oh. Well..."
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"I just really want my family to like you."
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"they take advantage of nice."
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"He is so pretentious, and it is so gross."
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"This is great, this is really good."
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"Well, and you, what about you?"
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"Yes, but from what movie?"
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"Anyway, I appreciate what you've done, Roland, I really do, I'm-"
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"All right, one Kleenex caddy, and wiper fluid."
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"and we'll start on the paperwork."
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"She's all yours!"
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"Mom, can you come here, please?"
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"What?!"
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"- I said, come here, please! - You come here!"
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"We got a big box sent to us!"
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"- We did? - It's a package!"
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"- Who's it from? - I don't know."
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"Oh! It's for me!"
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"Thinking of you!"
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""Dear M., hope this helps,"
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"I only wish I could do more, xoxo, J.S.P.""
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"Justine St. Pierre!"
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"David, one of my dear friends is finally reaching out,"
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"and you know what, I knew it would be Justine."
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"She can be an angry drunk, but we were always close."
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""Congratulations on your Allez Vous Starter Kit.""
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"What's Allez Vous?"
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"and struggling actors!"
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"Well, how much can we make from this?"
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"David, it's an insult, we're sending it back!"
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"Well, apparently you can win an Audi."
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"What colour?"
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"A Champagne Audi, look at that!"
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"As if you could ever sell enough of this crap to get a car."
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"Well, Kristi Stubbs and her team out of Montreal"
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"don't believe everything you read, dear, please."
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"- Burn it! - Except this mascara."
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"So Ray can't lend me his car today,"
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"because he has to drive his 92-year-old mother somewhere."
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"Where does a 92-year-old woman need to go?!"
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"I don't know, John, perhaps the hospital?"
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"Yeah, well, it's just I needed that car"
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"to get to my appointment today."
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"What appointment?"
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"Well, you know, the uh..."
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"Thing that I had, I had a thing that I..."
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"What thing?"
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"An unemployment thing, okay?"
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"To get unemployment insurance,"
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"I have the meeting this afternoon,"
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"and now I have to grovel to Roland,"
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"to get his truck, in order to get to Elmdale,"
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"to get this money..."
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"Well, I think you're brave,"
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"and while I didn't see us living off of food stamps,"
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"I think there is something very masculine about the way"
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"Sweetheart, I'm about to beg for a truck,"
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"in order to beg for money,"
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"I think you've gotta raise that masculinity bar"
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"just... just a little."
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"- Roland! - Hey, Johnny."
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"- Hi! - What?"
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"Turn the motor off!"
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"Turn the motor off, you dumb son of a..."
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"well, what can I do for you, you "dumb son of a... "?"
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"Hey Roland, I need... I need to borrow your truck,"
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"I've got a very important appointment today,"
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"and I sure could use it."
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"Well of course, Johnny, you know my truck is your truck,"
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"any time you wanna borrow it, it's fine with me, no problem-"
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"well, that's very, very nice, that's so nice."
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"Listen, as the owner of the truck,"
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"would you do me one favour, though?"
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