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Clips from Schitt's Creek - The Cabin (S01E01)

"- Hey, Dane. - Who the fuck is this?"
Schitt's Creek
"He's the worst, okay? So, just breathe through it."
Schitt's Creek
"Hi. David Rose. Okay."
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"So, we have split into teams and that's an odd number, so, we're stuck."
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"No worries. We're here for the party. Keg's in the truck."
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"What kegs? No one ordered a keg."
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"David, can you please not be rude in front of..."
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"- Dane. - Dane?"
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"- So, now, what? - Oh, god!"
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"Wow!"
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"Yeah."
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"I can't see out of one eye."
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"But I'm still alive, that's the main thing."
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"I'm hungry. Should I go get..."
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"You have done more than enough."
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"Oh, good, you're done. We didn't wanna interrupt."
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"What're doing here?"
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"Oh, just finishing off the latest Harold Zable novel."
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"You ever read him?"
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"Quite a while."
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"Yeah, you seemed to have a little trouble there getting going."
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"And, well, we, uh..."
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"We didn't think you needed the extra pressure on you, so..."
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"Oh, hi! You're good."
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"And you are?"
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"No, no, no. This is Roland and Jocelyn's cabin."
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"No, they're a mile up the road."
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"Big tree, a fence. You can't miss it."
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"She died! She's a dead person!"
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"Marilyn Monroe!"
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"- No! She helps people! - Oprah."
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"- Calcutta! Calcutta! - Calcutta! The lepers!"
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"- The mother... - It's not your turn, Alexis!"
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"- Princess Diana. - No! She's..."
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"- The lepers in Calcutta, she helps them. - Lepers!"
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"- There's all these lepers. - Stop yelling at her, though!"
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"It's the point of the game is the yell!"
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"She's a mother and has your cousin's name."
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"Teresa?"
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"- Mother Teresa! - Yes!"
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"You can't say "mother!" You can't say "mother!""
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"- This party's terrible. - Excuse me?"
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"Okay, so, then, hey, why don't we do something else,"
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"No! Absolutely not!"
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"Every time the vein in my brother's eye twitches,"
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"we take a drink."
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"Why would you bring up my eye in front of all these people?"
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"Dane thought he should just invite over"
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"a few more of his friends."
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"- Oh, did he? - Yeah."
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"Who's up for strip poker?"
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"Okay, you know what? I'm out. No, that's it."
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"I'm gonna call it a night. I'm gonna pack it in."
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"Eric, don't look at my eye!"
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"Why are you being such an old woman?"
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"I'm sorry that I wanted to have fun tonight"
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"and try and make out with them, okay?"
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"You're not the only one dying in this town."
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"It is boring and I am just trying to make the best of it."
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"I'm really sorry, everybody. No offense, okay?"
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"I'm well-versed in family conflict..."
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"I'm sure you are. Alexis?"
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"If you want to party, have a party."
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"But I have a queen bed next door with my name on it,"
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"and I have been looking forward to sleeping in that bed all day. So..."
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"Maybe we should go."
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"No. You know what, guys? It's totally fine."
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"David, I would love it if you would come and party with us,"
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"but it's totally up to you."
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"And I'm totally gonna go."
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"So, everybody, have a good night."
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"I don't know who you are!"
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"Dane, put that down and get off my bed!"
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"No one on my bed tonight. And no one throw up!"
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"So, his eye twitched five times, so, drink up, bitches!"
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"- All right! - Whoo!"
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"- Shots! All right. - Yes!"
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"And once again, my apologies."
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"And I'm sorry, I don't know how to make a bed."
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"And I may have damaged your, uh, corkscrew, Bob."
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"You broke it in half."
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"Okay, the door, it won't open. The door won't open."
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"- It's locked. - Oh, it's locked."
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"What do you want from us?"
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"Yes, it's locked to prevent strangers from coming into the cabin."
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"See, uh, we didn't realize that strangers"
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"would already be in the cabin when we locked it."
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"- I see. Okay. - Bye!"
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"- There we go. - Thank you. Bye."
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"You've been consummate hosts, really. Fantastic day."
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"- Sorry. Hey! - Hi!"
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"Here's the thing."
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"and I'm sorry that I invited Eric."
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"- That joke was funnier in theory. - Bad joke."
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"But I'm gonna need you to come back in there."
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"Why?"
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"Because I don't really like most of those people,"
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"and, believe it or not, we are in the middle of"
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"a very intense game of drunken charades"
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"and my team is losing badly."
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"Well, that's not really my thing."
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"It's not my thing, either,"
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"but you were right, we're way too similar,"
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"if you'll just help us win a few more rounds."
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"- I can't... - Please."
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"Go back in there. It's embarrassing."
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"They are way too drunk to remember."
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"Just two winning rounds and then it's over."
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"Then, you can go back to your book."
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"- Fine. Fine. Two rounds. - You can go back sleep."
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"- Quick. Quick rounds. - Thank you."
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"And just don't look at the stain on your bed,"
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"and we'll mime something special."
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"Are you sure you don't want to call a tradesman or someone, John?"
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"Moira, I don't need a tradesman."
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"I can handle a screwdriver, okay?"
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"This is working out just fine."
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"Look at this."
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"Instant lock."
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"Yes, let me tell you, Eddie."
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